(Closed) Why is it poor form to send the invitations out early

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Miss_Itzy:  I don’t have any etiquette answers but from a practical stand point, I wouldn’t send them out that early because people may lose the invite, it may get tossed out by accident or some people might simply forget. It just seems more logical to send them out a 2-3 months in advance vs. 6 months.

Post # 4
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s against etiquette, but sending invites out too early isn’t practical.  People don’t usually know their plans that far in advanced.  2-3 months sure, but 5+ not so much.  So if you send them out too early, people may feel they have to lock in a yes or no answer sooner than they are comfortable with.  Or you might end up with a lot of people changing their response as the date draws nearer and they figure out their schedule.  This would be a big headache for you.

Also, stuff gets lost.  So if people don’t have to respond right away or can’t, odds are many people are either going to forget altogether or the invite will get lost in the suffle.

I can easily see a situation where you send an invite to Guest A.  Guest A isn’t sure if they will be able to get time off work or have the money saved up to attend your wedding.  So if you have an early RSVP date, Guest A might RSVP No, becuase he/she can’t commit 5 months in advanced.  Or if you have a later RSVP date, Guest A might put the invite aside until he/she has a better idea if he/she can attend and then forget about it.

Does that make sense?

Since you have a lot of Out of Town guests you can either decide to send Save-The-Date Cards (usually this is the purpose of an STD) or spread your wedding date via word of mouth.  Also, remember that people don’t need 6 months to book plane tickets.  I think most book only 1-2 months in advanced since plans can change.

 

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sending out an invitation early.. people say people might forget etc like Miss Itzy said, which is possible.. but I know I personally wouldn’t forget about someone’s wedding, even if I got the invitation a year in advance! So if you feel like you want to send it early, send it. 

Post # 6
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Miss_Itzy:  I think it’s poor form to ask someone to RSVP to an event that far in advance, which is why (for the siutation you are in) Save-The-Date Cards are favorable.  Given you aren’t doing Save-The-Date Cards, you could send invites out early and just have the RSVP date much later.  I’d be concerned doing this that people would forget or RSVP to get it out of the way, but have their plans change closer to the time.

 

Post # 7
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Yeah, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong, but people might forget, lose the invitation, or not be able to predict that far out that nothing else will be going on that is more important

Post # 9
Member
39 posts
Newbee

2-3 months is good because like everyone else said, it’s easier for people to plan for it than if it’s 5+ months out.

BUT…if you already have your invites 5+ months before the wedding anyways, send them to your out of town guests when you feel it’s appropriate. You know them so you can judge if they would appreciate the extra notice or if they’d just forget. For all your in-town guests, send them out during the regular 2-3 month window. That’s what I plan on doing, at least. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

People can make travel plans before the invitations are sent.  We did do Save-The-Date Cards, since many people would travel, but our date was spread by word of mouth much further in advance as well.

I agree with @runswithbears, people will feel pushed into making a decision, and you could end up with mind changes, and more lost responses than if the invites went out at the usual time.  Believe me, it’s really more for your sake to send them out at the 8 week mark.

Post # 11
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think STD’s are necessary if you have people travelling to your wedding. Perhaps send Save-The-Date Cards to the out of towners, just so they have time to save or get a good deal on flights, hotel etc. Then send invites to all guests (local & ott) 8 weeks before your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re getting married June 1st and since we were seeing a lot of family during the holidays, we decided to hand them out personally which helped save us money on postage! 🙂 We were about 5 months in advance. Hopefully, no one will forget!

Post # 13
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I know the argument is not to send them too early because people don’t know their plans that fr out… But why can’t they plan to come to your wedding? That way they know not to book anything else for that weekend. Seems kind of backwards to me… If you sent them later, after everybody knew their plans, they might be busy.

5 months is probably a little too early still, but I don’t see anything wrong with 3 months vs 6-8 weeks. 

Post # 14
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree that people may lose the invitation, etc. but for out of town guests it might be nice, in my opinion. I know that if I needed to plan a trip out of town I would need time to request time off of work, make travel arrangements, and just plan for the trip in general.

Post # 15
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Save-The-Date Cards are really a good idea, and they don’t have to be too complicated. However, if you really don’t want to use them I would go with your 5-month time line. The reason for that is that your wedding is just 1 week short of Canadian Thanksgiving, so that might already collide with some peoples travel plans for the fall. If someone then happens to think that’s poor form, well… too bad for them. I’m sure most of your guests will appreciate it.  

Post # 16
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@MrsWBS:  +1 We’ve had a few REALLY early RSVPs because we put our website on the save the date, and they have since had to change their plans due to illness and job losses. If you want to send them early then do so about 3-4 months in advance but make sure you don’t have an unreasonably early RSVP deadline.

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