(Closed) Why is it rude to aks for money in lieu of gifts?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It’s considered rude because gifts should be graciously appreciated and never implied. Asking for money is like saying “You’re going to get me a gift anyway so make it cash please.” If I’d rather have money, I think it’s in better form to just not have a registry and leave it at that, that’s usually more than enough for people to get the hint.

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with your friend. It’s rude to dictate what kind of gift your guests give you. Whether or not you even get a gift is at the discretion of the guest and they get to decide what their money buys. If Aunt Susie can’t afford to give you $100 cash, buying a gift that may appear to have cost that much but was actually caught on sale would feel like more bang for her buck. 

Post # 6
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it’s different because registries are for people who want to buy gifts.  If you would prefer money, I would think you would just not register.  In many social circles it’s considered rude to put any registery information on the invitation, as well.  I think implying any gifts on the invitation is a faux pas. 

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I find in general, Americans are pretty discreet about money. Sharing your salary is considered bad form, it’s rude to ask how much you paid for things, money is very much private and not up for discussion. So asking for money because you’ve decided to get married, dollar dances, etc. are just not done in many circles, or considered rude. It’s just like anything else- regional and dependent on your crowd.

 

Post # 9
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I see no problem with it and have received invitations with that statement. I’d rather get the couple something they want then guess and hope what I get is something they can use.

While it seems to be taboo to make any mention of gifts on an invitation (never really knew this before coming to WB), I see no problem with it and every single invitation I’ve ever received had money requests or registries listed. Gifts are a given (pretty much) when it comes to weddings, so why beat about the bush.

Edited: And I’m in America. I’ve concluded (personally) that this must vary by region, because by me, it unheard of not to include registries or information regarding gifts.

Post # 10
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@NoaMarijn:  It’s a cultural thing. Different things matter in different places. There are so many examples.

I had never seen a wedding thank you note in my entire life before I moved to the U.S., because where I grew up, you don’t write them. When I got my first one here in the U.S., I thought, well that’s kind of weird, in a nice way.  Imagine my surprise when I learned that so many people get really upset about not getting one/getting one late.

Another example are cash bars. There are so many controversial posts about this on the bee alone. In some areas, it’s considered normal, in others, it’s considered rude. Again, where I live now, cash bars are the norm, but where I come from, they would be considered extremely rude.

If it’s normal in your country to ask for money, then I wouldn’t worry too much about how it would be perceived somewhere else.

Post # 13
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@NoaMarijn:  Haha yes…Americans tend to be very passive agressive!  Talking about gifts and money are all considered rude, but it’s expected to give them. 

Post # 14
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@NoaMarijn:  Oh, I thought that was just a female thing.  😉

Post # 15
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@BetterSherm:  I agree.

Gifts are expected at weddings whether or not people want to admit it. Frankly, IMO it’s very childish to pretend otherwise, and, if you’re not pretending that gifts aren’t expected, then why can’t a preference for money be mentioned the same way a registery is often included? I say do whatever you want OP. I firmly believe there is no way to have a wedding without offending anyone at all. Sadly, it’s the nature of the beast. 

Post # 16
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MsPoodles: Agree!!

I don’t understand why it is any more rude to ask for money than it is to register for specific things…

As a guest to any function where you bring a gift, there is alway the thought “I hope they like what I got.” I loved the idea that my BFF asked for cash for her shower instead of gifts. They had already been living together for like 2 years-they didn’t need anything. People responded well to them asking for $ instead of gifts!! A few still gave gifts but that was cool to because they were special.

I would rather give something I know someone wants rather than being at a shower, watching the bride open 3 sets of towels and 2 sets of pans and ect.

My shower is in July and I’m not registering, I told my mom and aunts if someone asks where I’m registered, tell them I’m not. If they ask why tell them Fiance and I couldn’t figure out what to register for since we’ve already lived together for 4 years :-/

 

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