Why is it so bad??

posted 9 months ago in Parenting
Post # 61
2016 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It really is a game changer. Ive only been a mom for 5 weeks, but my life revolves around my child. No more last minute late night plans, no more going out on a whim… babies are expensive, no more random let me buy this semi expensive thing real quick.. well at least for me this applies… you wanna go on a trip?? depending on where you go.. add a couple hundred to that trip when you add an extra human to the mix. 

im not saying you will never be able to do these things once a kid is involved, it just makes it a lot harder and more stressful to plan or do last minute. 

Post # 62
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

lunalovegood88 :  I was just coming here to say the same thing. I think the culture now is for parents to spend way more time and be way more involved (perhaps to a fault even!) with their children than parents in previous generations did. And with more and more households where both parents have full time jobs, and often live far away from other family members so support is minimal…yeah, it’s easy to understand why people are getting worn down. 

Something that’s been on my mind lately since I recently had a baby and am in a number of mom groups on Facebook is this trend toward a more “natural” (for lack of a better word) way of parenting. It starts during pregnancy, where we are told things like epidurals and csections are the enemy…instead you should give birth at home in a pool while humming through your contractions in orgasmic bliss. Then, once you have the baby, you need to spend all your time doing skin to skin and breastfeeding (formula is poison) so your baby doesn’t feel traumatized by life on the outside. Don’t you dare give the baby a bottle or they’ll never return to the breast! Babywearing is the be all end all, and moms who plop their baby in a swing or bouncer for a few min so they can get some stuff done are characterized as negligent (don’t even think about screen time before your kid is 15!). If your baby cries at any point during the day and you don’t respond within 0.2 seconds, you are heartless and your kid will grow up to be severely disturbed. Sleep training is evil…if you 2 year old toddler is waking up 20 times a night that’s normal and you should just have them sleep with you in your own bed rather than try to fix the issue. Baby led weaning is the best way to introduce solids – don’t even THINK about giving your kid a puree or rice cereal – they will have lifelong food issues if you do. And so on…

Obviously this is extreme, and actually some of those “trends” are things I’ve chosen to do myself as a parent…but in talking to my mom and other women from previous generations, yeah….things have changed. It seems like parents today are making things harder on themselves, and this is a conscious choice….and on top of that, more of them are also working full time when compared to previous generations! So I guess my point is…I think this context is important in trying to understand why it seems so in fashion right now to bitch about how hard being a parent is. 

Post # 63
12 posts

It does change your life and those first couple of years are tough.  You will get those comments from parents who are right in the middle of those infant toddler years.  I was 37 and 39 when I had mine and I enjoyed my twenties and early thirties–a bit too much maybe?!  I’m glad I had that time for me and I’m glad that I was settled in life and financially stable when the kids showed up.   

On the flip side, we always talk about how great it would have been to have had the kids 10 years earlier…how much more energy we would have had–and of course, I wouldn’t looking at retirement with a kid in high school. 

In the end if you want to have children now, go for it! Yes, it is tough in the beginning no matter your age, but they get more independent and you will still have a life–you just have some extra passengers to take on your adventures!

Post # 64
985 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think it’s such a positive thing that more parents are opening up about the realities of parenthood.   I didn’t have that growing up and a few of my parent friends wish that someone had talked about how becoming a parent isn’t for everyone or that parenthood is hard.  My sil spent the first 8 years of motherhood feeling like a failure because nobody told her that sometimes you don’t fall in love immediately with your baby and that not everyone is a natural at parenthood.   She thought it meant she was a bad mother if she didn’t love every minute of it because her parents generation was perpetuating that myth.  Your friends honestly isn’t meant to offend you but I do think it’s necessary. 

Post # 65
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

mermaidbride862 :  Waiting is not what’s best for everyone. Fertility declines as you age. If you really want children and you feel ready to be a parent in your 20s then do it! You can always travel and “do everything” when you’re kids are grown, especially since having kids in your 20s and early 30s would mean that you won’t be that old when they are grown up. 

If it helps, I’m 25 and my husband and I are closing on our first home next month. We’re going to start trying this summer for a baby. We feel ready because all we’ve ever wanted to do in life is be parents, we’re healthy, we’re finanically stable, and we have a plan for after the child is born. Plus I’m not fond of traveling so I really don’t mind going less places once we have kids. I also find myself having more of an interest in activities that involve kids then not, example, I’d rather take my husband’s little half sister to the water park then go to the bar with friends or I’d rather watch my parent’s neighbor’s kid at home then go to the movies with all the adults. My husband is feeling the same way. 

Everyone is different! I’m sure someone will read my post and cringe because they don’t believe under 30 is a good age to have kids and that’s fine, again everyone feels differently! As long as you are happy about your own decisions then do what you feel is right!

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