- 2 years ago
Why? The patriarchy.
Why? The patriarchy.
Anyway, when I hinted that to my mother and sister… they got soooo mad at me!!! It’s not something the is ever done in Italy. My sister didn’t even know it was a thing at all.
I said “his” because when I got pregnant with our first we were already engaged and I agreed to take his last name when we married (he immigrated to my country for me, I did this for him). Both of our kids have my last name as a middle name instead. If that wasn’t our situation, though, I would want baby to have my name or hyphenated. Different strokes for different folks, but I do admit that I find it interesting/strange when mothers who have no relationship with or are estranged from the father give the baby the dad’s last name.
If I was planning on marrying the guy some day, I’d give the baby his name.
If he was just some random hookup accident, my name.
(PS- this is a really interesting history about “ownership.” Back when, women were property of men and so the last name signified ownership. Slaves also took on the man’s last name–again, ownership).
I think usually it’s due to these reasons:
-Expectation of getting married and mother taking the father’s name
-Pressure from the father, his family, friends, society etc
-Public declaration of paternity
I personally think it’s foolish to give your children the same name as their father if you have a rocky relationship and/or no promise of marriage. If he wants them to have his name then either it’s a double barrel name or he’s at least proposing first imo. Seen too many women let their children have the dad’s name when he’s not even committed. Why should the woman have a different name to her own children if they father can’t even commit to getting engaged first? It’s all well and good just hoping he marries you, but most of the time it never happens if the couple aren’t even engaged first in my experience.
fwiw, DH’s mother kept her maiden name when they married. she and her husband had 2 children, a boy and a girl. the girl (my SIL) was given her mother’s last name, and the boy (DH) was given his father’s.
For me it would depend if the father is in my life and the child’s life or not. Like if I was in a committed long term relationship with the father who was going To be in the babies life then I would give the baby his last name. But if it was a circumstance where the baby daddy isn’t around or whatever, I’d give the baby my last name.
I gave my daughter her father’s last name, and I really don’t have any other reason but I was just young (19) and that was the “traditional” thing to do. When I married him, I took his last name too. When we divorced and I married again, I didn’t take his last name. I think at that point I had grown a lot and become much more independent, and also more aware of outdated patriarchal traditions. And thank goodness I didn’t change my last name again, cause that one ended in divorce too lol.
It’s purely tradition and the fact that a lot of guys are macho idiots about kids having to have their last name!