(Closed) Why is it so hard after only 3 cycles in… [vent]

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
1451 posts
Bumble bee

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epon10642 :  I would agree with other posters, try not to tell him when you are ovulating so as to not put so much pressure on him.  Also I wouldn’t worry too much about all the caffine, allergy meds, etc, etc, etc.  Just make sure you are taking your prenatals, temping and using the OPKs and you will be ok.  My DH and I have been at this a year with one MC and we have issues in both directions.  The harder you push the more stressful it’s going to be for both of you.  I get how you feel, I’ve dealt with the same feelings.  TTC is hard.  Anyone who thinks its wonderful and romantic all the time obviously hasn’t tried very hard for a baby.  Hugs to you!

Post # 17
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I understand that you want to do everything in your power to have a baby and sometimes all the information on it that you can find on the internet really isn’t helping at all. Take a step back. You just started trying. How often did you have sex before this if I may ask? If you already have a active sex life (3-4 times a week) you don’t need to push it like this in the first few months imo. Just get off the birth control, enjoy the sex and let nature do it’s thing!

Post # 18
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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epon10642 :  I think part of what makes it hard at this stage is that you’re not “allowed” to think that it’s hard yet.  You complain about the stress of trying for 3 months to anybody, chances are that most of the responses you get are “I tried/I know someone who’s tried for 3 YEARS, come back and talk to us then.”

Best wishes to you.  I think this process is stressful at any stage. 

Post # 19
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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epon10642 :  OK so I just got pregnant on my 4th cycle and the difference this time was the first 2 I was stressed and told people I was trying and getting upset. I then told people we decided not to try until next year due to work commitments and I never did any sexy lingerie and candles it seems OTT unless it’s what you normally do I just instigated or he did at night or when we were home for work as if for fun not to conceive. I also tired when I wasn’t ovulating not just being regimented. I was shocked to see the positive pregnancy result and did a second before I told him!

But I’ll be honest now I’m just stressed it will all be ok and go full term…if you are that kind of person you will stress no matter what so now stop telling him about ovulation. Also kiss him sexy and patio barely every day and especially when you intend NOT to have sex so he doesn’t start associating affection as you just wanting his goods lol. 

Post # 20
Member
9801 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think it would hurt you and your chances to relax some.  You had sex 5 times before O and you call that just “okay”.  There is really no need to have sex 5x right before O (unless you’re both really up for it).  2 or 3 times is PLENTY and really all you need. I would take it down a notch.  Just try to get sex in 2-3x a week and relax.  I think it’s great to chart and use OPKs if it helps you know when you ovulate, but you don’t need to have sex every single day.  I’d get burned out and frustrated too if I was your DH.

Post # 21
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Dh and I had the same problem one month so I stopped telling him when it was my fertile time. he figured it out anyway because he claims that that is the only time I want to do it. However it did seem to take some of the pressure off. We are now starting IVF because we have been successful for over a year. I know it is hard to do but if you can just enjoy your husband and take the TTC part out of it you will be better off in the long run. 

Post # 23
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

We are ttc number 2. Concieved first month with baby number one. Currently on cycle 2 and waiting to O. 

I think I was so stressed about going back to work after a long holiday that I delayed my ovulation and we didn’t have enough sex around O. I’m stressing again though as I can feel when I O so we did time it right but still didn’t fall pg, now I’m worried there’s something else Wrong! 

Ttc is crazy and makes you insane whether you’re 1 month in or a year in. Good luck!

 

Post # 24
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes, relax! You are clearly really stressed and DH knows it. They are dense sometimes but they can surprise you. Women vibes can be strong!

I never tempted, limited caffeine, stopped running/working out on hot days, etc. and it only took us three months. I used opks for one month but never got a positive. We just baby danced. No special lubes – nothing. We just enjoyed sex every other day which in turn made us enjoy each other more. I’m 29 weeks tomorrow. Good luck! 

Now it does take most couples up to a year – so just enjoy the process and cut back on all the tracking, etc. 

 

 

Post # 25
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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epon10642 :  Let me just say that your desire for a baby is just as valid and strong as someone who has been TTC for years. You are just in your emotions as much as the next person. Anyone who compares is bitter and doesn’t remember starting out. That being said…you do need to take a deep breath and relax, for the sake of your health and potential to conceive. Stress is unhealthy and the body will not allow implantation if your health or body is on edge. It will conserve nutrients and energy for you alone and a fertiized egg will be rejected. 

I do OPKs, temp, chart, for logging purposes only. For me to verify that I am ovulating so if I do end up needing to see an RE, there is a longer history for them to observe my body’s patterns. I try my hardest to not allow this information to create concern or questions. I take the temp, log it and forget it. Pee in a dixie cup, dip the OPK…jump in the shower and then that evening I tape it to a sheet of paper with the date and CD so I can keep track. I DO NOT focus on sex more when I’m ovulating. I do try to see about having sex but focus more on spending time with hubby, not on making a baby. If he isn’t feeling it, I leave it be. A positive OPK doesn’t mean you are ovulating this second. It can be 12-72 hrs from that OPK and during that timeframe, hubby will want sex or I’ll have a better chance of initiating love making instead of baby making. 

It took a couple pressured cycles of TTC before this calmness developed. We both want a baby so badly and there are times I can tell it bothers each of us greatly but communication in a marriage is key. There was one cycle where hubby told me that I only wanted him for a baby and I knew he was communicating pain in his own way. This is when I reevaluated and decided that my husband comes first in my life, our children come after him. I decided to focus on enriching our relationship and showing him how much I love him. He has returned the love and I find our intimacy, with and without sex, to be all the better. No stress, just two love birds. 

Praying for you girly. It’s not easy and patience really is a vitrue. Deep breaths, it’ll happen for us both in the perfect timing. Focus on hubby and yourself :). Do all those things you mentioned for your health, not just a potential baby. I promise you, you’ll appreciate the change in goal.

Post # 26
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

If people have fertiltiy issues, I understand OPKs and temping and planning sex etc.  But if you don’t have a fertility problem, I don’t really get the type A approach to it all.  I would be bored too if my sex life was scheduled like that.  Have sex normally for 6 months and see what happens.  Just have a lot of sex and have fun!  It doesn’t have to be so stressful.

Post # 27
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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camenae :  Spot on. 

 

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!

Post # 28
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Here is what I have learned after TTC for a year…

1.  Men have no clue how this works and don’t want to!   The first month we started trying we BD once and he was so happy that we “made a baby”.   Ummmm…..

2.  Knowing the smiley faces causes my man to feel pressured and therefore can’t perform.  He’s better now and is good when I announce “It’s smiley face time!”.  But I kept it from him until he started asking.

3.  At this point, I would try a couple of cycles of just trying every other day during your fertile window.  Make it fun and casual!  

4. Your feelings are completely normal.  My crazy didn’t subside until I saw a fertility specialist.  Until then I was a nut case.  I still get really depressed on cycle day 1.  I’m afraid I’ve lost hope which  has taken it all away.  I think I’d actually like to feel the hope again, even if it meant the other strong feelings as well….

 

Post # 29
Member
7329 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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dk121915 :  Let me just say that your desire for a baby is just as valid and strong as someone who has been TTC for years. You are just in your emotions as much as the next person. Anyone who compares is bitter and doesn’t remember starting out. 

Seriously…THANK YOU for saying that. You have no idea how nice it is to hear that. I think people who have kids already, or who got pregnant quickly, seem to forget what it was like and how emotional of a process it is. Just because someone has only been TTC for a few months doesn’t mean that they didn’t have many months prior to that where they desired a baby just as much as once they were actively TTC. As someone who has to stratigically plan pregnany around mine and DH’s jobs, every month aren’t TTC is just as painful and upsetting as the months were are TTC and get a BFN. 

Post # 30
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I didn’t read your whole post but I recommend never telling your man “it’s time”. It’s a lot of pressure for them because they think it’s all on them. I stopped telling DH and the first month I kept it to myself, we got pregnant. 

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