Post # 1
I’m getting married soon and I do not agree with the whole crazy bachelor party with strippers and my fiance’s friends and family are calling me insecure and controlling for my views. I’m so tired of the “boys will be boys” mentality. I personally think that us women need to put our foot down more on this instead of making excuses that we don’t mind because we’re secure with ourselves. If that is the case, then our men should have no problem with other guys rubbing there junk in our faces. I especially don’t understand the women that allow themselves to be degraded by going to the strip club with their man thinking that they are proving that they are not insecure by doing this. Again, if this is the case, then ask your man to go to a male strip club with you to prove he isn’t insecure with himself. I just think so much of this is a double standard. I don’t agree with needing one last party before marriage especially when it includes naked women and drinking excessively. Why bother getting married then? The last “horray” should come well before you consider getting married. The commitment should start before the actual marriage. I know that people will disagree with my views on this, but I have very strong views on this. I take could care of my man and I believe that intimacy should stay between us. What is a marriage without commitment, boundaries, and respect. Instead of people saying that it means a women doesn’t trust or is insecure if she doesn’t like the idea of her man going to a strip club, how about asking the question… why doesn’t the man respect his future wife enough to not need to go? I feel like so many women compromise on this because they are scared of the backlash of not compromising… I know because I”m experiencing it. I know I’m a good women though who loves her man and has a lot to offer so I deserve the respect despite what people say. If you’re a woman that truly likes this, then that’s your thing… This is more about the women that don’t feel comfortable with it, but go along with it to prove security.
Post # 3
I hope this doesn’t come off as rude, but if you feel so strongly about this, your FI should respect that and request not to have a “crazy” bachelor party. If he’s okay with it, even though you’re totally against it…I might have to have a serious talk with him.
At the end of the day, he’s marrying you, not one of those skanks anyway.
Post # 4
I think times may be changing? I’ve never been been to a raunchy bachelor party (for myself or for my friends)… but most girls I know have been to a number of male strip clubs.
Post # 5
I think the difference between male strip clubs for girls’ outings and the opposite is that most ladies find male strip clubs FUNNY. They go for comedic value and giggle at the strippers. They are generally not aroused by the strippers, who are likely gay anyway. A male “bachelor” receiving a lap dance and getting a hard on as a result is obviously being aroused, not finding humor in, his strip club experience.
I’ve never been to a strip club of either variety, but that’s just what I’ve gathered from hearing friends and others talk about their strip club experiences.
Post # 6
So strange that I come across your post tonight as my fiance is out of town at his “bro reunion” aka bachelor party. I share your sentiments on this topic completely. In fact, I recently had this conversation with my coworkers and they all thought I was just being jealous and silly.
First I would like to say that I trust my FH 100%, it’s his friends that I find myself doubting (but that’s a completely different topic). I just truly don’t understand some of societies traditions. Who thought it was a good idea to start a marriage with temptation? What sort of foundation is that to build from?
So I decided I really wasn’t good with this sort of party at this point in our relationship, the time for him to behave that way was already gone. I made my requests, and it’s a good thing I’m marrying a gentleman. Although he first tried to convince me of the innocence of the situation, when I refused to buy it, he really went out of his way to plan a party that involved manly things like paintball, archery and rock climbing without any naked women. I’m sure his friends still have a few antics up their sleeves, but I know that he will make good decisions and he respected me enough to change the entire party plan.
It’s unfortunate that your fiance’s family is in agreement with the whole thing, because in all honesty it was my fiance’s family who probably won this argument for me!
Post # 7
My FI is going to Vegas with his friends for his bachelor party and I all I told him was too have fun! This is mostly because I know I want to have a crazy fun night with my friends and it would be hypocritical for me to deny him the same.
I’ve been to strip clubs with my FI, and it’s not because I’m trying to convince people I’m secure with myself. I know I’m secure with myself and don’t really care what other people think. Nor do I think I am degrading myself because I am having a good time. It’s ridiculous to think that just because you are committed to someone, you aren’t allowed to admire other attractive people and that is all my FI is doing at the strip club.
Not trying to be snarky, just sharing an opinion from the other side.
Post # 8
Well, I think there re a few basic falacies with your argument.
First, the notion that it is somehow “socially acceptable” for men to do this, as though it is not socially acceptable for women. Not true. Bachelorett parties are just as common these days as bachelor parties, and it is every bit as “socially acceptable” for them to get raunchy and include a strip club.
Secondly, the argument that women are just trying to “prove that they’re not insecure” by going to strip clubs seems a vast overgeneralization, and arguing that men should have to prove themselves similarly by going to male strip clubs seems to deliberately miss the obvious. Some women genuinely don’t have a probem with female strip clubs. And women can oftentimes appreciate attractive women. We don’t draw the same connotations about our sexuality from it, nor does the rest of the world. We can remark on a woman being beautiful, we can enjoy that beauty, the sex appeal, all without a single question ever being raised about our sexuality. The same scenario is not true for men. If anything, the societal burden in this arena does not fall on women, but on men. Regardless, women are still free to enjoy themselves at a female strip club.
All that being said, I absolutely agree that if a woman has a real problem with her partner going to a strip club, then he should definitely respect her feelings. But, on the flip side, I think that if this isn’t a particularly big deal for a woman, then she is not wrong is not letting this be some kind of battle. The argument that your partner should “respect” your feelings and wishes goes both ways. Relationships are about compromise. And many people do not share your strong opinions on this, nor should they be criticized for feeling differently.
Post # 9
I really don’t care about strip clubs. I’m not trying to prove security or anything. He goes probably once a year for somebody’s bachelor party and he went on his-I’m sure he had a bunch of lap dances and frankly I would rather get a lap dance from a chick than have some guy stick his junk in my face at one of those male review places. Girls don’t really go to the male strip clubs and take the guys seriously. I think mostly everyone laughs. There really are some girls out there who find the whole bachelor party/stripper subject boring and it has nothing to do with trying to prove who is secure and who isn’t.
Post # 10
My fiance used to go to the clubs and bars in college and said that there were always crazy Bachelorette parties going on on Friday or Saturday nights in the summer. I think many people make assumptions either way based on what will support their view.
Post # 11
I’ve had guy friends go to strip clubs for bachelor parties. They do not share a degrading attitude towards women, nor are they nasty guys by any means and i’ve had my girl friends go and they think it’s funny.
You may not agree, but that is a decision between you and your FI. Don’t lump the rest of us women into the “you’re being degraded” category–it’s the same as us saying all the anti-strip club women are insecure, and we all know that’s not right.
And if a woman is just going to “go along with it”, well, they have other issues if they don’t stand up for their own personal beliefs…I always believe in speaking up with your SO