(Closed) Why is it such an issue?

posted 5 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

To be honest, she can give her opinion but once she is informed that it is not welcome or that it is hurtful she needs to stop or just not even go to the wedding.  It may be a diffcult choice to take her out of the ceremony but you don’t want a beautiful day like your wedding marred by any snooty comments.  She’s entitled to her belief just as you are entitled to yours and your Fiance is entitled to his but if she is made aware that she is overstepping her bounds and making hurtful comments then she needs to respect yalls decision and stop or just don’t even be apart of the ceremony.  Your Fiance is a big boy he can make his own decisions.  Don’t let her get to you but I would tell her calmly but firmly that her comments are disrespectful and while you value her opinion it is’t needed.

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I don’t really understand why you think her comments are awful? The only two mentioned in your post is that she doesn’t want to rosary at her funeral and mentioning to your FH that he doesn’t need to convert. Neither of those are insulting in my opinion.

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Gosh, that’s super difficult. It’s always hard when people start ripping your faith apart. For me, I’ve encountered a lot of people who have brought me to tears when they go off on the Catholic faith. I have calmly tried to tell them that when they go off on the faith it feels like they are going off on ME because I am part of this faith.

It’s not easy, and I doubt it will get easy anytime soon. I think it’s great that you and Fiance are doing this together. I do, however, tend to agree with your Fiance. This kind of stuff is EXTREMELY emotional for people and I doubt your Future Mother-In-Law would respond to you approaching her.

My suggestion is this:

1. Pray for her and for you and Fiance as I’m sure this will not be your first and only encounter with someone testing your beliefs.

2. When appropriate, lovingly express how you find something in the Catholic faith to be beautiful and meaningful to you. Personally, I have started to do this with family members who are anti-Catholic and even though they might think I’m nuts they at least got the hint that I love my faith and tearing it down around me was not something I was comfortable with. It still happens every once in awhile but at least they know where I stand.

3. If it gets to the point where you really need to, look into Catholic Apologetics. There’s TONS of resources out there to help address comments such as the rosary, saints, Mary (some of the hot buttons for Protestant Christians). If you’re interested I can find some for you. Let me know.

Post # 7
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Bostongrl25 I gathered from the OP that the comments are awful based on the tone of the comments said and the ignorance from which they come. For example, Catholics don’t say the rosary at a funeral. For Future Mother-In-Law to imply that that is what Catholics do without having an open discussion about it is where the problem, I am reading, lies. The comments stated by Future Mother-In-Law don’t seem to be one of care/concern but rather seem to be a bit passive aggressive and without any regard to have an actual conversation. 

I know my feelings get hurt when people make comments about Catholics (oftentimes comments that are untrue) with a certain underlying tone that shows their disdain for the Church.

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@mattsgirl813 Those comments would STING! OUCH!

Post # 9
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mattsgirl813:  The best advice I have is to give her grace and forgive her. Repeatedly.

Post # 11
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mattsgirl813:  Oh dear. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I totally agree with LuLuLucky‘s post. Confronting her will just add fuel to the fire and give her even more over which to be resentful. Instead, maybe your Fiance, in a calm and loving way, can tell her that these comments are hurtful to the both of you especially in the light of his growing love of the Catholic faith.

Is religion the only topic in which she acts this way? How has her attitude towards you and your relationship with Fiance in general? Did it change because of the engagement? I ask these questions because I’m wondering if it’s just her way of releasing her emotion about “losing” her son. If it weren’t about his conversion, it might have been about details regarding the wedding or whatever. Just a thought.  

Post # 12
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It is hard and the comments most likely won’t stop for awhile. I am not Catholic and neither is my Fiance but his family is. We chose to not have our wedding in a church but we agreed to allow an officiant of their denomination to marry us at our venue. His mom is not happy with me not being Catholic and even more upset that her son isn’t. The hardest part is she blames me for his lack of faith even though when him and I met he told me he was an Atheist. Once I talked to him I realized he wasn’t really Atheist but more Agnostic. I am a non-denomination Christian and even then I am not heavily into religion. This has posed some problems for us. Apparently they want some Catholic customs to be implemented but I am deadset against it. If neither him nor I are Catholic I do not see any reason why we should have that be a part of our ceremony. But with Mother-In-Law they tend to be upset and not want to accept the changes in their childs life. Sadly, this may continue for you but you just have to be strong and let your Fiance stand up for his own beliefs and you stand up for yours.

Post # 14
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mattsgirl813:  Boo. That’s a double sucks. I really feel for you. I’m a lapsed Catholic but was quite active when I was in high school. Living in Southern Baptist territory, there was a lot of anti-Catholic sentiment going around. Unfortunately the only thing I could do was develop thicker skin and, in my less pious moments, sweetly tell them I’d rather be Catholic than be part of such a hateful church as theirs. (I know I know. Those moments got me in a lot of trouble come confession time.) I am clearly not suggesting you do the same aside from the thick skin part. 

Hopefully her love for her son will eventually show her the way towards silence if not acceptance. It’s a double whammy for her, too, in that she’s not only losing her baby but also witnessing him joyfully reject her faith. It’s not what’s really happening, but that’s how she sees it. That’s a pretty deep kind of hurt.

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Jesus himself told us that there would be people who would attack us for our faith. He mentiones it in the Beatitudes: “Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Mt. 5: 11-12) Pray for her, do your best to be patient with her, and ask your Fiance to handle the remarks as much as possible instead of you.

Post # 16
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

@KCKnd2:  I like that you mentioned this 🙂

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