(Closed) Why is it wrong to ask if it is a diamond?

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 77
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

There is an easy solution to this; it is the best version I’ve ever heard, and I saw it on the bee:

“That’s a beautiful ring! Tell me about it!”


No, this doesn’t mean you’ll get the answer you’re searching for every time. But it will give the person you’re asking the opportunity to talk about whatever excites her about the ring (maybe she’ll tell you about designing it, or her engagement story, or the specs of the stone). It will make her happy and give her room to answer in a way that she is comfortable with.

That way, if she is a CZ or moissy owner who prefers not to discuss it, you haven’t put her in an awkward position, but if she is the type of moissy owner who is excited to tell people about moissy, she will definitely share with you!

Post # 78
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

View original reply
@skippydarling:  ” if someone is wearing a sim and wants me to think it’s a  diamond they can just lie to me and be done with it.  I prefer they didn’t  but if someone wants to pass off their stone as a diamond and I ask…they can  just do that……I don’t really buy that I’m the one putting them in a situation  where they have to lie.  They’re doing that to themselves.”

Yes, I understand your perspective and you’re correct, you’re not doing anything to them. I didn’t mean to imply that.  It’s a choice to be dishonest. For me personally– I tend to feel sorry for anyone who feels like they want to/ need to/have to lie about something trivial like a ring,or a degree they don’t really have, money they don’t make, or something else along similar lines. These lies clearly don’t come from a good place within themselves. So for me personally, I just wouldn’t go there. However everyone sees it differently.

Regards.

Post # 79
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@PromiseRooster:  If you absolutely have to go fishing for information, this line is probably the least offensive bait you can use. But to be honest, I’d still find it to be kind of an odd question. Maybe I just don’t know many people IRL that care that much about someone else’s ring…

Post # 80
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@spezia:  Really? When I saw someone post it I thought it was great, because I’d love to be asked that and I wouldn’t assume they were just asking about the stone. Most women I know are excited to talk about their proposals or some aspect of the ring that is extra special for them.

But I think that’s an interesting perspective– people are so different in how they feel about personal questions, maybe it is better not to ask anything at all!

Post # 81
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@PromiseRooster:  Yup, I think it just depends on your circle. I don’t think it’s a bad question at all! I just wouldn’t know how to respond right away. I would probably over analyze and wonder if you want to know specs? Where I got it? It would throw me for a loop, but probably because the people in my social group usually just say something positive about the ring and ask questions about how he proposed, have you set a date, etc.  We are very literal people, there aren’t many questions that are open to interpretation :-p.

Post # 82
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@spezia:  Haha that makes sense! I have definitely been asked the questions you mentioned MORE often.

I think it’s just important to be careful to be polite, especially with strangers.

Post # 83
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@spezia:  Yes! I’ll cut a bitch if she’s bold enough to ask me if I’m wearing Spanx.  Some people were raised by wolves.

 

As for the “Is it real?” debate, I agree that it’s generally a rude question about a very personal issue, whether the stone at hand is diamond, moissanite, cz, etc etc.  “Is it real?” is loaded with unspoken cultural assumptions, ie, real WHAT?  

 

If someone truly is curious with good intentions, the best thing to do would be to lead off with “I love your ring!  It’s so…(insert lovely compliment here)!” and let the conversation go from there.  I, personally, would talk in great detail about my ring with my closest friends but not random strangers or acquaintances, simply because it’s personal and not for public discussion.  Like my weight, my political affliations, my stance on abortion and my sex life.

 

Now, if you think I have a great rack and ask, “Are those real?!?”, I’d laugh. (They are…it’s just an example of how ludicrous it is to ask such personal questions, curious or not. Engagement rings, no.  Just no.  There are just so many things you don’t inquire about/discuss in polite society, and that’s one of them.

 

Post # 84
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Zozye:  yeah I wouldn’t care if someone asked what kind of stone mine is. But I think in general people are really inquiring about the cost in a back handed sort of way. Whatever. I’m happy to tell people all about my moissy. I’ve had a couple diamond owners say something like “I need to clean my ring more. Yours is so sparkly.” It’s fun to talk about the similarities and differences. But then, I’m also someone who when complimented on a shirt I’m wearing will get all excited telling you about how I got it in clearance for $3. 

Post # 85
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You’ve gotten a bunch of good answers but I just wanted to chime in as a moissanite owner who was also really interested to see them when we were ring shopping. We were lucky because my roommate actually had one, and there is a store here that sells them so I was able to get a good look and decide what I wanted. I am excited about my moissanite and like to tell people about it. I would probably prefer someone word the question “what kind of stone is that?” as opposed to “is that a diamond” which sounds a bit accustory or something I guess. But, I agree with alot of PP, if you are polite and friendly there is no reason for people to  to be offended. I hope you get to see one in person soon!

The topic ‘Why is it wrong to ask if it is a diamond?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors