(Closed) Why is my Ex BF checking up on me after we broke up?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Of course you did the right thing. He is fence sitting, keeping the lines of communication open in case he decides the grass isn’t greener. By no means should you be continuing communication with someone who may or may not want to resume a relationship in two months. Pshhht.

Post # 3
5077 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

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cillakilla50 :  You did the right thing. I always advocate for NC after break ups. But it can be really hard, even for the person who did the breaking up. I don’t know that he’s trying to keep you on the hook or if he’s just legitimately worried that you’re doing ok or what, but either way, no contact is best. Don’t even answer his calls. 

Post # 4
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond

He doesn’t get to control the relationship.. you both do! You get an equal say in this and how you feel.

It took me a long while (most of my 20s) to realize that I don’t want to be with people who don’t want to be with me – friends or boyfriends. I decided I wasn’t going to make anyone like me. You don’t have to wait for him to make up his mind- you do this you give him full control. Find confidence in yourself.

Otherwise I agree with PP in that he’s fence sitting in that he’s keeping lines open with you while options closer to his home do/don’t work out. Don’t devalue yourself! 

Also- can we discuss the 3am call?!?! Unless you’re in NY and he’s in LA ummmm no! I wouldn’t let that fly. 

The best advice I can give about exes is rip off the band aid and go cold turkey. It sounds rude, hateful, immature to delete their number, delete your Facebook connection, etc. You may even want to disconnect with certain mutual friends. All this communication does is drag out the grieving process and leads to stalking and jealousy about who is doing what. Just politely say I don’t think we need to be friends and let’s check back in at 6 months. I’m pro SATC thinking of it takes half the time you dated someone to give over them. 2 months is too short and it’s easy to get wrapped up again. Been there, done that … and wasted a few years of my life on it. 

Find someone who wants to be with you because you’re the coolest thing since sliced bread!

Post # 5
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Block his number.
Block him on social media.

If he ever contacts you again, delete or ignore it. Do not engage.

Post # 6
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
cillakilla50 :  As a woman who is close friends with a few of her former flames I can tell you that didn’t happen until YEARS of radio silence had passed.

You’re both still too raw, and its too soon. 

Cut the ties and know if you’re supposed to be in each other’s lives it will happen…but just take care of you and move on.

Post # 8
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

Straight-up, I don’t pick up my phone for ANYONE at 3AM, except maybe if my best friend was in an emergency. He wasn’t calling at 3 AM to check up on you, he was looking to get a hit of your undivided attention. Dudes who break up with you in callous and confusing ways ALWAYS come crawling back, especially when you ignore them.

I think he was right the first time: you should go your separate ways, because you WILL find someone much better than him. 

Post # 9
2760 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh man oh man. Real talk: he broke up with you to sleep with someone else or other women. He doesn’t want you to do the same because if it turns out that “the grass isn’t greener” where he went, he’d go back to you. But he’s a pig so HE wants to be able to f**k other women but not you!

Lower than pond scum Bee.

Disengage and go be happy, it’s the best revenge ever. 

Post # 10
2852 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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cillakilla50 :  
View original reply
MrsHarryDresden :  This! He’s put you on the back-burner to keep you warm in case he wants to come back for another plate, with tinfoil over you to keep the flies off. Move on and don’t look back. 

Post # 11
264 posts
Helper bee

3am phone calls… I think not. 

Bee, he is leading you on. People that want to be with you don’t break up with you. People that want to spend forever with you don’t want a two-month break. You absolutely did the right thing by hanging up. He is right, you will find a better guy. Someone who doesn’t need to let you go to realize what he has. 

Post # 12
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Oh hell no; he doesn’t get to dictate the relationship! He can’t just keep you as a backup, it doesn’t work like that. 

Block him, block him, block him.

He’s not looking out for you, it’s all about him. 

Post # 13
7637 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

3 am??? I wouldn’t even call my own husband at 3 am in the morning, unless it was a serious emergency.

The fact that he called you at 3 am just shows how crazy, rude and thoughtless he is.

The only thing you did wrong was answering him in the first place. Block him.

Post # 14
939 posts
Busy bee

It’s hard to let go after a break up , so that may explain his behaviour somewhat, but it doesn’t mean you have to play along as he obviously doesn’t want a relationship anymore. Stop contacting him and make sure he cannot contact you.

Post # 15
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would block his number and/or disregard all future calls. Or have another man answer my phone in the future.

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