- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
Well. Where do I start. I’ve seen a few ‘mother’ related posts on the boards lately, and I thought I’d share my story (vent).
Firstly, I should clarify – I am indeed fat. Quite fat, in fact. And I’m 98% comfortable with that, and the word fat. I’ve put a lot of work into that, and have gotten there, largely with the help of some pretty amazing plus size bloggers and the ‘fatshion’ movement. These ladies taught me that you can still be pretty awesome AND be fat. I know, shocking!
The last 2% concerns the constant crap my parents give me about it. Ever since I was a child 0 What a shame it is that I’m so fat, when I have such a pretty face, you’d be so pretty if you were thin, why can’t you lose weight, and so on and so forth. Blah, blah blah. My. Whole. Life.
I am cognizant enough to understand that they do it because they have issues. My mother has always been on the larger side, and has always despised herself. She’s been on every single diet known to man, and has always settled around the same size. She’s done the more normal diets like weight watchers etc, and the extreme things like the cabbage soup diet. For most of my childhood she threw up the majority of what she ate claiming that she was ‘lactose intolerant’. I understand that she has issues, and I understand that she is projecting them on to me.
For my father, I think he just doesn’t get it because he’s always been skinny. I’m more inclined to write his comments off as being concerned about my health and not understanding in the slightest. For my mother… well.. It has nothing to do with health, and everything to do with everything else. I think perhaps that she hates that I have self worth where she doesn’t, and that I am not like her – I have self esteem. I was lucky enough never to suffer bullying or anything of the sort due to my weight. I’ve had very occasional issues with it, maybe enough to count on one hand in 26 years, so I don’t have the long standing issues that she apparently does. I don’t know for a fact that this is the issue, but I can’t come up with any other explanation that is in the least sympathetic to her.
This TL;DR background brings me to today. I’m getting married in March. Yay! My fiancé is a wonderful man who loves me exactly the way I am. Well, so he should – I haven’t gained or lost weight since we met. My weight is a non-issue to him. It is also a non-issue to everybody else I know, other than my parents.
The wedding has ramped up my mothers crazy. Of course, the second my ring was on my (too chubby!) finger, she began with the better loose weight! comments. (“Why are you eating dinner? You’re getting married in 6 months! etc etc)
She lives overseas (thank the lord), and hasn’t been around to harass me in person. She was here in March and came wedding dress shopping with me and 2 of my bridesmaids. What fun! Except not. The only comment she made the whole day was “You have back fat”. Well yes, of course I do – I’m sucked into a size 12 dress by a precariously tied corset. There were a lot of pursed lips and rolled eyes. Suffice it to say, I did not find my gown that day.
Eventually I did find my gown – the Pronovias Alcanar. It’s very pretty and mostly flattering. Not as flattering as it could be but hey – Fuck flattering, I like it a lot. (I wrote a post about not fitting, wait it fits! drama elsewhere.) I sent her a photo of me wearing the dress once it came in – the only comment she sent back was that my arms look huge and they are all she can see – better add sleeves. Charming, no? My father said “the DRESS is nice”. Gotcha. The dress is nice, but not me in it. Pretty much what I expected.
Fast forward to today. Discussing hotel rooms with my father, I get the courage up to say that I really don’t want my mother around on the morning of the wedding. I’ve come to this conclusion after a lot of thought and a lot of heartache. Firstly, I went to boarding school when I was 11 years old – we just aren’t that close. Secondly, I really don’t want my wedding day ruined by her nasty comments. I know she will make them – she honestly just can’t help herself. She thinks that she is being ‘helpful’ (by constantly calling me fat and disgusting).
I expressed this to my dad, and his response was that they’ve been telling me for months to lose eight, and that f I didn’t want her to say these things to me on the morning of my wedding, that I should have lost weight. It is unfathomable to me that they could be that cruel, and to be honest, that deluded.
I have many good qualities (I think). I am a nice person who tries to do good things. I have a bachelor’s degree under my belt and I’ve just finished and about to graduate from my Law degree. I’ve just been accepted into one of the most competitive and highly regarded graduate career programs in the country, and I’m about to get married and start a new life with a wonderful man. I’m sorry if that sounds arrogant, but when you get knocked down like that, you have to be a little self congratulatory. You’d think they would be thrilled to have me as a daughter. But they aren’t. Because I’m fat. And they are ashamed.