- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
Totally identifying with the part about not wanting the world to know she isn’t the best mother. My parents both suffer from that a little. It’s always about ‘saving face’ isn’t it? I think that is their biggest issue – that their friends and work mates know they have a fattie for a daughter. GASP!
Your mother very clearly has severe eating disorders. EDs are very serious mental health issues and it affects the way she sees everyone, not just you, is what I’m betting. Unfortunately, you are dealing with the brunt of her ED. I am sorry you are going through this with her but I also really pity your mother. Your dad sounds like he is denial about your mother’s EDs. I would hope that someday she can find her way into counseling for it.
You look beautiful in your dress. And I agree with a PP who stated that health is more important than the number on the scale.
I have felt that way for SO long. Ever since I was old enough to understand that her attitude towards foowand diet was so wrong. She would praise me for not eating lunch or going to bed hungry, get excited ehen one of us had a stomach flu etc. If you’re lactose intolerant… Avoid lactose! She needs help, badly. You’re right about my father, he is 100% in denial about it. It’s truly messed up.
I always felt like her endgame was me ending up anorexic, and that she wouldn’t be happy until I ended up that way. There were days when I’d think fine, i will stop eating. I’d only last a day and be ravenous haha. Though I shouldn’t laUgh, because I’m incredibly lucky I never developed an ED.
We did have a huge blow up once when I suggested she has serious issues/an ED. She brushed it off. Ahhhh. Poor woman. She must be so deeply unhappy. All I know is no daughter of mine will be around her toxic BS.
I think it is a good idea to keep your mother and father strictly as GUEST at your wedding. You deserve to feel good about yourself on your wedding day
By The Way I had an ED when I was growing up (I was thin but hated myself for other reasons).
My mother has an Addiction (mental problem) which also leads to my father’s denial and subsequently, his enableing of her problem. This leads to a big “saving face” mentality and other things similar to your situation.
My mother projects her negative emotions onto my sister (who is thick). This causes my sister to become a big introvert when it comes to expressing her feelings. It is through my ability to SEE the crap that occures in my family (instead of walking around with blinders on) that I snap my sis out of it and defend her to my mother.
Moral of the story: I agree with the PPs that say that your mother would have a problem with you no matter how you looked. Something hormonally might have happened to her when she was pregnant with you that made her able to project such negativity your way.
I am sorry babe. *hugs* You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
I too can relate. It is horrible to be told you are fat by parents who are meant to love you. It doesn’t help in my case in having a tall tan blonde hair blue eyed twin.
You sound like an incredibly confident, accomplished, attractive woman to me. I think we could all take a leaf out of your book in surrounding oursevlves with more positive people in our lives.
Good Luck for the wedding! I’m sure you will feel spectacular!
My mother used to be the same way. I NEVER felt good about myself until the last two years or so. She told me that she would pay for me to have cosmetic surgery and spent a good deal of time telling me that I would look SO MUCH BETTER if I lost weight. I lost weight, and then I needed to lose more. My grandparents are the same way and they haven’t stopped. My grandmother tells me she’ll pay me a certain sum of money if I lose weight and my grandfather told me that he wanted to buy me clothes appropriate for my size because while I wasn’t obese yet, I was headed that way and at the time I was pleasantly plump. I’ve heard that my whole life from them and I was bullied all througout my school years. And it sucks and I have very little self esteem because of it. And the real kicker there is they ask me why I’m not more confident and outgoing. My mom has never been big ever.
I have no advice, because while my mom has gotten a little better, I know things will start back up once it comes time to buy a dress. But you look FANTASTIC in your dress.
I can often be passive agressive when it comes to my “mother”. fh flat out doesn’t care for/have a relationship with his mother.
That being said, I could ignore the texts, phone conversations, by not answering, and venting like you did. But, if she said something to that effect to my face, I swear to all of ya’ll, I’d tell her to go fvck herself. Seriously. She and I have had many verbal battles. She plays guilt cards, I play truth cards, and she’s the “victim” every time. Eventually, I quit playing her game. Now, she’ll go months posting about “drama” on FB, thinking she’s punishing me by not talking to me. Um, NOPE, in fact, life’s awesome, go bitch about something else 😀
OP, I think you’re fkn fabulous b/c you’re comfortable with yourself. my moh/friend, her mom isn’t as direct as yours, but she doesn’t hide her feelings about my friends size. in fact, as we were getting dressed to go out, she commented saying she looked fat. I, in all my unawares, told her mom “tell her she looks, fine, that she doesn’t look fat”. her mom just kinda shook her head and walked off, saying she was just gonna keep her mouth shut. DAMN, I had no idea when I asked that question, she would say that! so, I felt like an ass.
I think everyone is right–you are marrying your Fiance and he thinks you are gorgeous the way you are. Screw what everyone else thinks. When you’re in your (fabulous!) wedding gown strutting your sexy self down the aisle, the only thing your man will be thinking is how HOT you are and how LUCKY he is.
Now go on with your bad self.
I just wanted to pop in and say that you’re fabulous and beautiful!
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