(Closed) Why is my mother such a bitch? A fat daughter rant. (Ridiculously long.)

• housebee
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: April 2013

@ms.sara:  You look stunning in that dress!  Don’t take what your mom says to heart.  I’ve had my mom (and dad) tell me I’m fat all my life.  My mom is from Taiwan and is tiny, so the fact that I’m four sizes larger than her makes me fat in her eyes (and yes, I’m carrying some extra pounds, but I love desserts).  Growing up I tried to slim down, but no matter how much weight I lost, I was always told that I could lose five, ten, twenty pounds more.  This had nothing to do with you, it’s your mom’s insecurities as a mother.  In fact, I don’t think it would matter whether or not your mother was overweight, because my mom is just insecure about the fact that she wasn’t the best mother and she doesn’t want the outside world to know.

• housebee
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: April 2013

@ms.sara:  LOL, the funny thing is, all of her work mates and friends are going to think “wow what a beautiful daughter she has” when you step out on your wedding day.  So jokes on you mom I guess.

• howtobeawife
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: October 2012

Your mother very clearly has severe eating disorders. EDs are very serious mental health issues and it affects the way she sees everyone, not just you, is what I’m betting. Unfortunately, you are dealing with the brunt of her ED.  I am sorry you are going through this with her but I also really pity your mother.  Your dad sounds like he is denial about your mother’s EDs.  I would hope that someday she can find her way into counseling for it.

You look beautiful in your dress.  And I agree with a PP who stated that health is more important than the number on the scale.

• MeiFrancis
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@rachelmichelle:  +100000 to everything you said.

Your mom is probably jealous that you are happy with yourself in a way that she could never even hope to get to. Ignore her if you can and keep living your fabulous life

• howtobeawife
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: October 2012

@ms.sara:  I am so glad you don’t have an ED. It’s very common for mother’s with ED to pass it on to their daughters because of things said like, “good for you for not eating dinner!”  So maybe the blessing in disguise was being sent to boarding school so you wouldn’t be subjected to it daily.  Hopefully someday you can help encourage her and your father to get her treatment.

• Sapphire-Dreamer
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

*Hug* 

I think it is a good idea to keep your mother and father strictly as GUEST at your wedding. You deserve to feel good about yourself on your wedding day

• Sapphire-Dreamer
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

By The Way I had an ED when I was growing up (I was thin but hated myself for other reasons). 

My mother has an Addiction (mental problem) which also leads to my father’s denial and subsequently, his enableing of her problem. This leads to a big “saving face”  mentality and other things similar to your situation. 

My mother projects her negative emotions onto my sister (who is thick). This causes my sister to become a big introvert when it comes to expressing her feelings. It is through my ability to SEE the crap that occures in my family (instead of walking around with blinders on) that I snap my sis out of it and defend her to my mother. 

Moral of the story: I agree with the PPs that say that your mother would have a problem with you no matter how you looked. Something hormonally might have happened to her when she was pregnant with you that made her able to project such negativity your way.

I am sorry babe. *hugs* You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.

• justjade
• 8 years ago

@Wellington Bride:  ditto!

@ms.sara:  

I too can relate. It is horrible to be told you are fat by parents who are meant to love you. It doesn’t help in my case in having a tall tan blonde hair blue eyed twin.

You sound like an incredibly confident, accomplished, attractive woman to me. I think we could all take a leaf out of your book in surrounding oursevlves with more positive people in our lives.

Good Luck for the wedding! I’m sure you will feel spectacular!

• SouthernGirl
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: March 2014

My mother used to be the same way. I NEVER felt good about myself until the last two years or so. She told me that she would pay for me to have cosmetic surgery and spent a good deal of time telling me that I would look SO MUCH BETTER if I lost weight. I lost weight, and then I needed to lose more. My grandparents are the same way and they haven’t stopped. My grandmother tells me she’ll pay me a certain sum of money if I lose weight and my grandfather told me that he wanted to buy me clothes appropriate for my size because while I wasn’t obese yet, I was headed that way and at the time I was pleasantly plump. I’ve heard that my whole life from them and I was bullied all througout my school years. And it sucks and I have very little self esteem because of it. And the real kicker there is they ask me why I’m not more confident and outgoing. My mom has never been big ever. 

I have no advice, because while my mom has gotten a little better, I know things will start back up once it comes time to buy a dress. But you look FANTASTIC in your dress. 

• cheetah2b
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano\'s Humble

I can often be passive agressive when it comes to my “mother”. fh flat out doesn’t care for/have a relationship with his mother.

That being said, I could ignore the texts, phone conversations, by not answering, and venting like you did. But, if she said something to that effect to my face, I swear to all of ya’ll, I’d tell her to go fvck herself. Seriously. She and I have had many verbal battles. She plays guilt cards, I play truth cards, and she’s the “victim” every time. Eventually, I quit playing her game. Now, she’ll go months posting about “drama” on FB, thinking she’s punishing me by not talking to me. Um, NOPE, in fact, life’s awesome, go bitch about something else 😀

 

OP, I think you’re fkn fabulous b/c you’re comfortable with yourself. my moh/friend, her mom isn’t as direct as yours, but she doesn’t hide her feelings about my friends size. in fact, as we were getting dressed to go out, she commented saying she looked fat. I, in all my unawares, told her mom “tell her she looks, fine, that she doesn’t look fat”. her mom just kinda shook her head and walked off, saying she was just gonna keep her mouth shut. DAMN, I had no idea when I asked that question, she would say that! so, I felt like an ass.

 

• levisrictusias
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: April 2014

@ms.sara:  I dunno. You sound pretty damn fabulous to me. 🙂 

I think everyone is right–you are marrying your Fiance and he thinks you are gorgeous the way you are. Screw what everyone else thinks. When you’re in your (fabulous!) wedding gown strutting your sexy self down the aisle, the only thing your man will be thinking is how HOT you are and how LUCKY he is. 

Now go on with your bad self.

• velvetcats
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: July 2013

I just wanted to pop in and say that you’re fabulous and beautiful!