Post # 62
I didn’t read any other comments, but you are beautiful and screw them. Everyone turns into a “hater,” (please forgive the wording) as soon as a girl gets engaged. Your wedding is about you and your fiance, not your mother and her dissatisfied life. Men get a little more leeway on this one – your father likely doesn’t realize that he’s hurting your feelings. But, I’m sure your mom is doing it intentionally. Your wedding is how you start your adult life with your guy. Don’t make it a day to feel bad about yourself. That is truly what some people want. Your wedding is about breaking away from your own family and starting your own. So yeah, be happy that you’re about to start a brand new family that isn’t rooted in jealousy, snarkiness and hate. You’re hot and f*** em if they say otherwise.
Post # 63
@ms.sara: I’ve jumped in the thread a little bit late, but I just wanted to say that I think I’m a little bit in love with you.
I also wanted to ask, who will be around on the morning of your wedding? If it turns out that your mum is there (which I totally hope she will not be) will you have others there who you can pre-warn and who can deflect?
Mother: Ms Sara – here is some epic fat-shaming!
Friend: Why would you say something so awful to your daughter on her wedding day?
Friend 2: That’s a terrible thing to say. Ms Sara, here are some epic words about how beautiful you are. We will continue to cut off your mother every time she fat shames, to say something about how amazeballs you are and look.
Post # 64
I love your dress, you look fab! I tried it on and loved it but it was out of budget 🙁 it looks gorgeous on you.
Post # 65
When I see you in your dress I see a beautiful bride with an amazing bustline. I don’t get fixated on the arms, instead Im like ‘wow! Wish my boobs were like hers!’
x Good luck with everything… silly mums!
Post # 66
@ms.sara: It really blows to feel like you’re a disappointment to people you love just by virtue of the way you look. But to hell with that, you are stunning in your gown! Your fiance is going to be mezmerized. You know what I noticed first? Your waist and the detail on your dress. (Love Pronovias.) Not your arms. Your mom needs to have her head examined for telling you anything but “You look beautiful.”
You don’t want to create any further stress on your wedding day, which is understandable, but I think a PP was right on the mark when she said to bring in a couple of friends who can turn the shaming around on your parents if they dare open their mouths to say anything negative about how you look. They have to know that what they do to you isn’t OK or reasonable by normal-people standards, and it’s a damn near miracle you didn’t wind up with an eating disorder and destroyed sense of self worth because of their constant picking.
Just slightly off-topic, but CookieCreamCakes nailed this statement, it should be stitched on a pillow: “Then you lose a bunch of weight and people act like you’re God. They treat you so differently, so much better. It should be embarrassing to those people. They should be humiliated to act the way that they do. But unfortunately, it’s often culturally reinforced. We have such an attitude of, ‘Your weight is in your control!’ as though it’s easy.”
I lost 40 pounds once over a summer break from college and was completely disgusted with how obvious people were in their sudden about-face. Family, acquaintances, strangers you don’t know personally but see around town, etc. Of course I gained it all back (and then some) over the past several years, but I’ve slowly been losing weight again and am bracing myself for the comments and more favorable treatment that I apparently don’t deserve as a fatty.
Also, thin doesn’t automatically equal healthy. I wish we could drill this more into everyone’s heads and thereby curb some of the “concern-trolling” we plus size folks have to endure from well-meaning thin people who have no idea what it’s like to struggle with your weight.
Post # 67
- Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago
@ms.sara: Just want to say you look great in your dress, it’s perfect on you!
As someone who has struggled with my weight my whole life, I want to say that your attitude toward yourself is wonderful to see. I’ve lost weight and am probably considered ‘average’ weight now, but accepting myself and not finding fault with my body has been a process and something I actively have to work at. Don’t let your parents get to you!
Post # 68
have you gotten any further with the whole “dont be around on the wedding day” thing?
my mum and I really don’t want my grandma around on the day (different reasons, but similar level of emotional abuse, family drama etc). we know she will insist on being there so we are putting on this big act that I’m really stressed and need to stay calm and I don’t want anyone seeing my dress until I’m fully ready and walking down the aisle, etc etc… so it’ll be JUST me, my mum and my bridesmaid getting ready together, I don’t want anyone to see me so stressed, blah blah blah. its not true of course, my brother’s the photographer so he’ll be there, his wife will be there, my dad will be around etc etc. but this is the act we’re going with and we’ve recruited my amazing lifesaver aunt to take grandma out and keep her entertained for the day.
could you go with a story like this? do you have a sister or aunt or someone who can help you out? I know whatever you tell her, she’s probably going to know the reason anyway, and its harder to get rid of a mum than a grandma but I just thought I’d tell you what we’re doing!
and your dress is beautiful and you look amazing in it! it’s hard when you mum projects her issues onto you. my mum does the same, except we’re both really skinny so it drives me crazy when she keeps hinting at my ‘wedding diet’ and telling me how fat she is when my fiance’s family keep telling me I don’t eat enough or worse -“eat something fun for once, you need fattening up!” ugh. although from all these replies it sounds like mothers all over the world feel its their duty to ‘improve’ their daughters eating habits. it stops with us, ladies!
Post # 69
Thanks so much for all the lovely comments. It’s such a lovely thing to log in and read them. What a self confidence booster!
@polkadotgirl: I haven’t really got a plan as such. I did mention to her that I want to keep it calm as much as possible and that the men will definitely need help getting ready! (Grasping at straws). I think I’ll just breif the bridesmaids to keep her away from me.
Fortunately the other half of my problem was solved, because she was originally coming to Australia in Feb, ostensibly to help with the wedding, but I have no idea what was actually going to happen, as she has no idea what is happening with the wedding! Fortunately, my parents now have to move house, so she won’t be out until just before the wedding. I don’t think I could deal with it for two months.
Post # 70
Wow hearing what your mother said I was not expecting the gorgeous photo you posted of yourself.I love your dress, it suits your lovely hourglass figure. You look beautiful!!!! Your parents have the weight issues, and have no right to pass their problems on to you. Love them but stick up for yourself. You are gorgeous…xox
Post # 71
Hi, you must be my sister, because we seem to have the same mother! I’m contemplating asking my brother to speak to her and make sure she doesn’t make comments on the morning of my wedding! It’s a tough one- though you are tougher than me. I’m a uk 18 and I’m not happy with then so I am dieting and when ever I eat ( my fiancé and wi are staying at hers for a month) she says ” I’m watching you” it is safe to say that parents can really mess you up!
Post # 72
@ms.sara: I think you look really good!
Post # 73
Pardon my language, but is bad that my first thought was… fuck her. I’LL come get ready with you! ROCK that dress, you look fabulous, you sound like you’re freaking awesome, and you should be commended on your amazing confidence.
At this point, they’re doing nothing for you. You deserve nothing but positive on your wedding day – surround yourself with some badass friends/bridesmaids, and leave your mom out of it. I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, I just want you to have an amazing day. You deserve every second of it!
Post # 74
@ms.sara: i was NOT going to comment on this post because it seems that the other posters here have it well in hand. but honey, after seeing you in that dress, let me just tell you… you look SPECKKKK-TACKKKKK-UUUUULARRRRR!!!! “The girls” are high and mighty, the fit is soooo flattering on you, the dress is just GAW-JUS, and i can tell from your blurred out smile that is creeping out from behind the blurry oval that you looked in the mirror and OWNED IT. this is not about weight. this is about body image. Fat you say? at a size 12? in who’s world? sweetie i’m praying to lose 20-25 lbs to get into my size 20 wedding dress. and whether or not i do, i’m going to be HOTTER THAN FRESHLY EXPLODED LAVA ROCKS on my wedding day. why do i want to lose weight? because my blood pressure is creeping up and i have to. not for a wedding dress — although a great incentive — but for my health.
keep mom and dad busy with someone else come the morning of your wedding. have them escorted to front row seats to your impending awesomeness where they can kindly WAIT for your arrival on a floating cloud of “I’M AMAZING AND MY HUBBY ADORES ME.”
That is all I shall say. I love the dress and I love it on YOU. Rock on.
Post # 75
Wow–I can’t imagine having such cruel, unsupportive parents, but it’s their loss to not know how beautiful their daughter is. You look phenomenal in your dress–it is so flattering (especially with that cleavage, girl!). I’m so happy you have a fiance who gives you the love and respect you deserve. Screw you parents and rock that dress–you are gorgeous and you will look even more so on your wedding day!
Post # 76
You look absolutely stunning! However, it is a shame that they are like this towards you. From personal experience, I understand how it is to over weight. My mother was also very critical, especially my sisters.
Honestly, Just live your wedding the way you want to live you wedding, I know you love your family, but keeping up with this drama is not going to solve anything, just leave it to time to truly allow them to realize how their comments and actions effect you.
Best of Blessings my love,
Once again, you look beautiful!