(Closed) Why is my mother such a bitch? A fat daughter rant. (Ridiculously long.)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ms.sara:  from one fat lady to another i say go sister! I wish i could be proud of my body like you and have confidence the way you do, TEACH ME?? My mother and father and most of my family are very large, most bigger than me but i seem to hear a lot of the comments you do about losing weight especially when i got engaged but my Fiance loves me for me and i am happy with that. I love food too much to want to be ‘skinny’ and its the reason my Fiance loves me so why would i give that up? 

Post # 93
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You are a gorgeous woman and you look lovely in your dress.

 

My parents give me a hard time about my weight too. I was a very skinny person growing up, but I have had to take medication which causes severe weight gain. When I got married, my mother wouldn’t stop making snide remarks about my weight and the fact that I wanted a small wedding. One of the reasons my husband and I eloped was to get away from her. I think that sent my mom a message. Now she is far more polite and positive.

 

Recently, my father harassed me about my weight despite the fact that I told him I have begun to exercise. He hung up on me because I told him that I don’t appreciate being put down.

 

Parents who are constantly negative do not deserve to be in their adult children’s lives. You may want to think about distancing yourself from your parents; rare visits and phone calls. I see my parents once a month and talk to them probably once a week, Tomorrow is Father’s Day and I don’t even want to see my dad after he hung up on me. I returned the gift I bought him. Ignorant fools do not deserve presents.

 

Post # 94
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You have great taste in dresses! I haen’t picked mine yet but Alcanar is one of the top 2 at the moment! Its a great dress and looks great on you. You look amazing and as long as you feel amazing in it thats all that matters. You are doing so well coping with your mothers comments, much better than I would! Keep smiling!

Post # 95
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

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@ms.sara:  Oooh girl! I am angry for you. First of all, you look amazing in that dress, ah-mazing. It’s flattering and the ladies look great! (I wish I had that option!) Parents will be parents, my mom yells (really she can’t stand it) at me everytime I wear shorts (btw I live in the desert, where it was 112 today) because my legs aren’t skinny enough. Guess what size my shorts are? Somewhere between 0-2 ( I am really short so its not as stickly as it sounds, but still you get my point). So yeah, even when its blistering hot outside, I can’t wear shorts out near my mother because she’ll throw a fit, a full blown fit, threatening that she won’t leave the house with me, and telling me that I look terrible and ugly in them (after losing 25 pounds), so I feel you darling. Sometimes you just gotta ignore them, because the truth is, even if you did lose weight and become the size of a runway model, chances are they wouldn’t be happy. You be you, because their issues are not your problems. You are gorgeous and have wonderful taste. Keep it fabulous, and as far as having your mom near you on your wedding day? Keep her far away. Sending hugs! 

<br>

Edit: Just realized I’m WAY late to the party. Sorry 🙁 

Post # 96
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ms.sara:  I know you’ve had tons of comments on this (as everyone is disgusted with it I’m sure!) but I really did want to chime in that your health is so much more important than what they think! If you want to lose weight, you’ll do it on your own terms! Not theirs! I don’t understand why people assume they have the right to comment on YOUR body as if they know you. I’m also a plus size bride and I’ve always gotten the “you would be so pretty if…” or “I just wish you were fit and trim” my favorite great aunt on her dying bed (the last words she ever said to me) were “you have such a beautiful face, you would be so pretty if you weren’t fat” yes she was under medication, but still. I just hope you realize that you’re SO MUCH BETTER than them. 

Also, just the fact that you could get into a size 12 dress at all is awesome in my book!!! Since getting older (birth control pills, college over eating etc) I’d be thrilled to even be squeezed into a 12 🙂 

You rock that dress, and you tell your mom the shut the F up and back the F off! I dont’ condone rocking the boat usually, but sometimes you have to put your foot down and put it down hard! 

Post # 97
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Putting any issues your Mom has aside, fat as she herself may be, parents want better for their children. Being heavy is not healthy or the most attractive and they want better for you.

Post # 98
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@NapaBride:  

While I agree that being overweight is unhealthy, I think it is presumptious and rude to say that being fat is “not the most attractive”. Surprised

 

Attractive to whom? There are some men who love a curvy/overweight woman, especially the OP’s fiance! Sweeping generalizations about what is considered attractive is short sighted and can be insulting. Look at Adele! She is a large woman and nobody can tell me that she is not sexy. I know I am not the only one who feels this way.

My husband and I were both skinnier when we met each other. After we moved in together and got married, the happy weight piled on. We are both exercising again for our health, not because of some misguided idea of what is “attractive”. My husband still finds me sexy with 20 extra pounds, as I do him. True love is not based on someone’s clothing size.

Post # 99
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ms.sara:  How was your mum on your actual wedding day? was she supportive?

Mine has beeen so much better, I have lost 50lb which might have helpped (i did that for me despite her taunts) but I think someone might have said something… or she realised how alful she was and has since been lovely ( W Day is 12 days away) and I just wondered if that same had happened for you?

did you enjoy your weddig day, you looked great in your pictures, do you have any from the day itself?

Post # 100
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I know this is a super old thread but sometimes people do come back to read/are just lurking so I kind of want to chime in with a few comments.

Negative people (family or not) do not need to be in your life. you need to surround yourself with positive people. It is great that you did not inherit your mother’s unhealthy obsession with dieting.

I was always a big girl. I am 5’3 and by 21 I had been all the way up to 275. I did not like my body and I did decide after much thinking to have RNY gastric bypass. I am more unheathy as a “so called skinny” person then I ever was being overweight. Maybe as I would have went through life I could have developed issues but at 21 even with being heavy my entire life I was still pretty healthy. I am 137 right now. I still have the same body shape and even though I am skinny I have the big hips, etc. I still have all the skin also. I’ve accepted it. But anyways I do have  a lot more issues (although I’ve heard of people having the surgery and being worse off). I’ve had severe anemia despite taking supplements, had to get infusions, I’ve had two strictures and had to have procedures for that, recently in the last year and a half my teeth have started to go to hell, and I think at some point my gall blader will need to come out cos I am starting to have issues. I also developed GERD and am on daily supplements for that. My weight did go up 50 lbs at one point because of back issues and I’ve since lost that again BUT it was just as hard as before the surgery. So was it worth it? I’m not 100% sure but my Fiance was with me when I was huge and for the last 12 years, he loved(loves) me no matter what and that is the important thing. I just thought that if people did not constantly see me as the “fat girl who would be so pretty if she just wasn’t fat” that I would be happier somehow. It’s a crock of shit.

 

People are beautiful inside and out no matter what they weigh or look like IF their heart is in the right place and do good in the world. 

Post # 101
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@starsinthesky:   Wow- I’m glad you commented on this super old thread.  I was just lurking and your comments really struck a chord with me.  They may not have been intended for me, but I feel like you said what I needed to hear at this exact moment. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Post # 102
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

no problem. 🙂 that is exactly why i replied even though it was an old thread. 

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