(Closed) Why is New York so DIFFICULT?!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I find that I am a lot more closed off since moving here because there are always people WANTING something from you every time you step out your door- homeless people begging, people with flyers, people wanting to talk to you about finding Jesus, people wanting money for various charities or political causes, people hitting on you… I get really exhausted.

So yes, people are rushing past you and busy and not necessarily looking to chat, but that might be some perspective on WHY. I miss the days of just getting into my car and shutting out the world around me ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Also, Midtown isn’t the best neighborhood to try to meet people in because its more of a business neighborhood than a family or hanging out neighborhood. People are probably on their way to and from work or on lunch breaks. Hope you find a way to enjoy your time here!

Post # 48
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

Yup, Upper East Side. The window shopping a few blocks West of you is to die for!  A lot of the people there are “old money” types who have been in Manhattan forever, so it might be hard to meet other newbies.

Pick up a Time Out New York – it’s a great way to see what’s going on around the city (unfortunately their website isn’t good, so the mag is the way to go). Since you only have a short period of time, you should probably hit all the tourist spots uptown (the Met, Cloisters, etc) but don’t be afraid to venture into the outer boroughs! I think you can easily get to Long Island City and Astoria from there. Oh, and go to the Bronx Zoo. And the air tram to Roosevelt Island is right by you if you want to escape to a “small town”.

Post # 49
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

Oh, and the first day I moved to Southern California from New York, I straight-up cried. So, it works both ways!

Post # 50
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@jayebaby:  Im sorry I had to laugh at your post!! I live here in NYC and typically, us New Yorkers don’t start wearing spring clothes until the end of April, early May! I personally think it cold today, but it just happens to be decent weather this time of year but tomorrow it might be 35 degrees and we don’t want to get sick. Idont get how ppl  say we are mean, no we’re not! We just don’t smile and say hi to everyone that walks by! That’s all! Some cabbies talk, some cabbies dont. The ones in yellow cabs will talk the most because most ppl who are tourist will take those cabs. Gypsy cabs, ehhh, not so much. Just get in, tell them where you’re going, and that’s it. I freaking love New York. I’ve been living here for 6 years coming from NC! Just give it some time. It seems crazy at first but you’ll get used to it!

PS- you will not get killed in central park. LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOO. 

Post # 51
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee

Oh, jayebaby, I feel your pain. I lived/worked in metro NY for the longest 10 months of my life. I’ve never been so isolated and depressed. At least at first – it did get better.

I’m from the South, so I had the same responses you’re getting. And I was consciously trying to be less friendly and smiley. It was haaarrrrrrddd. You won’t get the smiley friendliness from strangers that you find elsewhere, but you’ll find, I think, that New Yorkers can be great people. So many of the people you see are from somewhere else, and they actually do know what it’s like to be new to New York!

There were things that I loved about NY, and that I still miss. The energy there is amazing. I realized after being there a little while that each person there has their own New York – their own places they frequent, their own circle of people – that makes the city a little smaller and more navigable and personal for them. New Yorkers love that there’s always a new place to go, but I found that most have a favorite coffee house, a favorite burger joint, a favorite bookstore, etc. You’re right there with some of the most incredible art and music in the world. Take advantage of that. Go to the Met! I wish that I’d spent more of my time there enjoying what NY has to offer.

So, good luck – hope it gets better! 

Post # 52
Member
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Aw I’m so sorry.  If it’s any consolation the things I wear at home compared to when I’m in London are completely different.  People look at me like a moron if I dress the other way… weird.

Post # 53
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh man reading all of the comments about NYC and now I’m ready for a day trip! I love the city so so so much! I never noticed people to be rude or much different from here in PA… maybe everyone walks a little faster. lol. I think the city fits my personality perfectly though… I don’t like to talk to strangers, I don’t like to look at people when I walk and I love darker clothing. I’ve been told by a few of my southern friends though that people from the north east are scary and mean (I don’t think so) but maybe it’s just what I’m used to? LOL

Post # 54
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

When I moved to New York City for school I was stunned the first time I went to buy groceries and the cashier didn’t even LOOK at me once. Everywhere I had previously lived (in the South) you make small talk with cashiers, or they at least ask you how you are and if you found everything okay. It was a really harsh introduction to a new way of life, so I understand! After a while you just get used to it. Life is more low key and normal if you live in a more residential neighborhood and go to the same bodega, the same dry cleaner, etc., over and over and see the same people. Then it doesn’t feel so impersonal and you will get smiles and small talk from the guy who gives you your coffee.

When I was in Australia (this was after I had lived in New York) I took cabs a few times in Sydney and then later realized I had apparently committed a faux pas because I read that if you’re alone, you’re supposed to get in the front seat next to the cabbie, and that getting in the back seat is rude. I was like “What the…..?!?!” There is just no way my brain could process that after having lived in New York.

Post # 56
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hope your time in NY gets better! Enjoy your opportunity to sight see and before you know it, you’ll be back in friendly SoCal. I just moved here from MN and sometimes I think people are nicer here than MN. 

Post # 57
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

I know what Food Emporium that is – I’m such a creep. You can try Farmer’s Markets on the weekend for cheap, fresh food. The upside of expensive groceries is that you can justify eating LOTS of takeout!

Post # 58
Member
1395 posts
Bumble bee

I love NYC for the places and food.  But the people (like store clerks and stuff, not everyone who lives in NY)?  No.  My grandmother was from Brooklyn, so 1/4 of all of my relatives are from New York.  They’ve mostly all moved down south now, and the first thing they note when they get down here is how hospitable we are.  Because they’re simply not used to it up there.  As far as that goes, you’ll just have to get used to everything being pretty impersonal.  Definitely don’t take it personal, I am sure you are a great woman ๐Ÿ™‚

As far as how you were dressed, I have spent a great deal of time in NYC and I can guarantee no one was worried about what you were wearing.  I have seen the strangest people of my life while in NYC.  I’m sure a simple dress wasn’t the most shocking thing those people have seen.  If it was shocking to anyone, they must be new in town, too!

Post # 59
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Try the farmers market or if you guys rented a car, you can go to shop rite just across the George Washington. That’s where I go grocery shopping. Very cheap and they give you half of the toll money! Probably not ideal since you’re visiting but very convenient for ppl that want to save some serious grocery $$ 

Post # 60
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jayebaby:  The lady prob wasn’t talking about you, it takes a lot more than that to shock a New Yorker lol

I’m from NY, I live in Long Island and when I go into the city sometimes I feel like a big dork so I can relate–but the city grows on you

You should explore, check out different neighborhoods like Greenwich Village and Soho–take in the museums–that way even if you discover that you still don’t care for Manhattan at least you weren’t bored–I would also suggest you check out Williamsburg in Brooklyn, you’ll find that the city is fast paced and everyone is too absorbed with their own lives to interact with others–but it’s not personal I assure you

Post # 61
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

OK. New Yorker here. I have to stick up for us, and say that we are not necessarily unfriendly. There was actually a study done recently that New Yorkers are actually very polite compared to other metropolitan areas. I’ll try to find the link.

Here’s the thing. When we are walking on the street, it’s not like you taking a stroll in the park. We walk when we need to get somewher. You probably drive when you need to get somewhere. Imagine if you were in your car on the way to work, and you had to stop every 20 feet to smile and say hello to someone. What would you do?  You would ignore the other cars and get where you needed to be.

I always try to help tourists when they look like they need help, which is fairly often :). I know they are afraid to ask NYers for help so I often just ask if they need directions.

Also, you think everyone is looking at you. BELIEVE me, they aren’t. Your outfit sounds fine but a little sparse for today’s weather. But people really don’t give a crap.

LOL, I’ve had my own share of culture shock. Last year I had to go to a small town in Texas for business and I went to a walmart to get some stuff – and people were literally tipping their hat to me in the aisle and calling me m’am as I was shopping.  If someone did that in NY I would immediatley think I had a loony on my hands (as other NYers have noted – 9 times out of 10 when someone starts talking to you on the subway they are LITERALLY crazy). Of course, I knew this and just smiled and said hello, I knew it would be rude to be standoffish.

 

 

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