(Closed) why is she doing this?

posted 2 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
4140 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

alfalfasprout10518 :  

In my experience, they have some insecurities and that’s how they try to make themselves feel better.

I can understand it stinging, but try to not to share much more with her.

Post # 3
Member
4722 posts
Honey bee

Where are these dream places? Are they really that unpopular?

Post # 4
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

The obvious option is that she is insecure and envious of you and so is trying to one up you.

 

Instead, consider this alternative: what if you are the ‘cool’ friend she looks up to and is trying to emulate and/or impress? Or just that your taste is so good, you are opening her up to new ideas, which she then falls in love with herself.

I know I have one friend who is always introducing me to great new ideas, places to go, bands etc. which I then get hooked on myself. A few months later when I’m knee deep in limited edition vinyl and know all the lyrics to a back catalogue, am I less of a fan than him because ‘he liked them first’? No! And he is cool enough to enjoy that he introduced me to something I like.

I’d definitely be mad if this were happening to me too in respect of the honeymoon, but there might be other things at play. If she tries to one up you in any other part of your life, maybe she isn’t that great a friend, but she may just be finding new and exciting travel ideas through you, which are enriching her life. Try to be understanding, but definitely have a gin to calm down. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
8887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I guess I just don’t get why it matters? Maybe she just doesn’t want to do a lot of research on where to travel so she picks places she’s heard you talk about or she thinks you’re awesome and trusts your opinion.

Life is not a race or a competition. Her visiting a place before shouldn’t take anything away from you. This is not worth caring about.

Post # 7
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

alfalfasprout10518 :  

If my friend introduced some hidden gem of a travel spot, I researched it and decided to go- I would. And I wouldn’t ask for permission or wait for my friend to go first. Maybe you’re just reading into this too much?

Post # 10
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

 Let her go first and learn the hard way what to do and not do.  Then go after and have a better vacation because you learned from her. 

 

I wouldn’t take it personal.  And if you do,  then stop sharing your dreams with her?

Post # 11
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t know bee.  I mean, I can understand you being annoyed but pissed?  Hurt?  Is it really that deep?  I guess I just wonder why you’re giving this so much power and emotion.  She’s obviously the insecure one in a competition with you.  Just don’t play and stop the flow of information to her.  That’s as much power that you need to give to this. 

These are the people I call “aquaintances” and not “friends”.  Their motives are questionable and I remain wary.

 

Post # 12
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Unless these places shut down for good after she’s visited them and no other tourists are ever allowed in the vicinity, I wouldn’t even think of it.

Post # 14
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

alfalfasprout10518 :  I’m confused about why you won’t mention the locations by name. Another bee asked you and you ignored her and you keep referring to is as your “honeymoon spot”. Vacations and experiences are not tainted by others enjoying them before you. Life is not a race or a competition. 

Post # 15
Member
3366 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t get the big deal, it comes across as you being sensitive that she goes in lots of vacations otherwise why are you even making it about you?

Youve had like 5 “dream” vacation spot already but how many have you been to? Maybe she figures you are just having pie in the sky chats about bucket list places and the she figure it sounds cool why not go fur her next trip.

Im also doubious about how “original” your honeymoon spot it, but there was a post just like this a few months ago about a friend copying a honeymoon to Iceland and another went on a safari, both very common holiday plans.

Like much copying are we talking, she went to the same country? City? Dream hotel?

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