Post # 1
I’ve never understood why people use the phrase “starting a family” as a synonym for having a baby. It’s not like a family starts when kids are brought into the picture. The way I see it, Darling Husband and I are a family even though we don’t have kids. And if we chose to never have kids that doesn’t mean we’re any less of a family.
Has this ever bothered anyone else?
Post # 3
Hmm… it doesn’t bother me, I guess I never noticed it before. We’re starting our own family when we get married, as I see it, but I guess I understand why people say starting a family when they’re having a baby.
Post # 4
Well I guess that’s just the traditional way of looking at it. It’s not that a husband and wife are not already family, but when I picture a “family” in my head I see a mother, father, two kids and a dog lol.
Post # 5
@DeathByDesign: Haha! And the white picket fence!
Post # 6
My Darling Husband, cat and I are all a little happy family already. I mourn the babies we’ve lost, but my family is no less complete right now. We’ll just have bonus people to love once we can successfully have kids.
Post # 8
@Meowkers: I am childfree. The phrasing does not really bother me usually, though it does imply that those without kids are not “yet” a family (and I guess would never be one).
I don’t worry about it as I know my husband and I are a family and don’t care much what others think and generally I don’t think people say it thinking of what it implies. If I say anything in response to someone asking me when my husband and I are going to start a family, it is usually just telling them we are not having children followed by a reminder that we ARE a family, and often people kind of seem to realize what they said. Most don’t seem to actually think the implications through and were just using it to describe “trying to have a baby” rather than saying “only kids make for a family”, if that makes sense.
I do sometimes wonder how those who want kids but are unable to have them though feel about this kind of phrasing. I might feel differently if I was in those shoes instead of my own.
Post # 9
It bothers me as well. I call our current little unit- me, my Fiance and our two cats- our baby family. We’re a family, the two of us, even if it’s little. Just because there’s no baby doesn’t mean we haven’t started a family.
I remember reading something like this on A Practical Wedding. I’m gonna see if I can find the article
Post # 10
I agree that two people are a family, but a third means you no longer ask “how’s the wife?” but “how’s the family?”
I also consider my family to be of two (FI and me), I don’t include the pets in our family #. We love our pets very much but distinguish them clearly from humans.
I see it as more a phrase of convenience, not negating that getting married (or otherwise committing for life) is a family.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Before that you’re a couple and there is nothing wrong with being a couple. Couples are sexy and romantic and spontaneous. You’re still family but we tend not to use the word family unless there are 3 or more people in a group that are related.
Post # 12
Doesn’t bother me. My husband and I were married, and then when we got pregnant we started our family. If you choose not to have kids just say “We’re a family without kids.” People don’t mean it in an offensive way.
Post # 13
A family to me when asked by a third party means three people or things (such as pets). But yes, a husband and wife are a family, but it’s never bothered me nor have I ever thought about it. lol.
Post # 14
@Meowkers: guess I never thought of it that way, but I guess I always understood that statement to mean children. I agree with @joya_aspera
Post # 15
I’m with cirk on this one. It’s me, the hubster, and our two “fur children” 🙂 I don’t think we’ll ever have kids, but I still consider us a family unit. It bothers me when people call my SIL’s family (with two children) “the M
‘s”, and call us “you two”. I definitely agree with you, Meowkers! I consider any two people who love one another, in a partnership or marriage, a family unit.
Post # 16
This is something that is really a non issue. You’re being picky about nothing.