(Closed) Why is "Starting a Family" a synonym for having a baby?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
986 posts
Busy bee

Hmm… it doesn’t bother me, I guess I never noticed it before. We’re starting our own family when we get married, as I see it, but I guess I understand why people say starting a family when they’re having a baby. 

Post # 4
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Well I guess that’s just the traditional way of looking at it. It’s not that a husband and wife are not already family, but when I picture a “family” in my head I see a mother, father, two kids and a dog lol.

Post # 6
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

My Darling Husband, cat and I are all a little happy family already. I mourn the babies we’ve lost, but my family is no less complete right now. We’ll just have bonus people to love once we can successfully have kids.

Post # 7
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

What Miss Otter said.

Post # 8
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@Meowkers:  I am childfree. The phrasing does not really bother me usually, though it does imply that those without kids are not “yet” a family (and I guess would never be one).

I don’t worry about it as I know my husband and I are a family and don’t care much what others think and generally I don’t think people say it thinking of what it implies. If I say anything in response to someone asking me when my husband and I are going to start a family, it is usually just telling them we are not having children followed by a reminder that we ARE a family, and often people kind of seem to realize what they said. Most don’t seem to actually think the implications through and were just using it to describe “trying to have a baby” rather than saying “only kids make for a family”, if that makes sense. 

I do sometimes wonder how those who want kids but are unable to have them though feel about this kind of phrasing. I might feel differently if I was in those shoes instead of my own.

Post # 9
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

It bothers me as well. I call our current little unit- me, my Fiance and our two cats- our baby family. We’re a family, the two of us, even if it’s little. Just because there’s no baby doesn’t mean we haven’t started a family. 

I remember reading something like this on A Practical Wedding. I’m gonna see if I can find the article

Post # 10
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree that two people are a family, but a third means you no longer ask “how’s the wife?” but “how’s the family?”

 I also consider my family to be of two (FI and me), I don’t include the pets in our family #. We love our pets very much but distinguish them clearly from humans.

I see it as more a phrase of convenience, not negating that getting married (or otherwise committing for life) is a family.

Post # 11
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Before that you’re a couple and there is nothing wrong with being a couple.  Couples are sexy and romantic and spontaneous.  You’re still family but we tend not to use the word family unless there are 3 or more people in a group that are related.

Post # 12
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Doesn’t bother me. My husband and I were married, and then when we got pregnant we started our family. If you choose not to have kids just say “We’re a family without kids.” People don’t mean it in an offensive way.

Post # 13
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

@joya_aspera:  Agreed.

A family to me when asked by a third party means three people or things (such as pets). But yes, a husband and wife are a family, but it’s never bothered me nor have I ever thought about it. lol.

Post # 14
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Meowkers:  guess I never thought of it that way, but I guess I always understood that statement to mean children. I agree with  @joya_aspera

Post # 15
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m with cirk on this one. It’s me, the hubster, and our two “fur children” 🙂 I don’t think we’ll ever have kids, but I still consider us a family unit. It bothers me when people call my SIL’s family (with two children) “the M

‘s”, and call us “you two”. I definitely agree with you, Meowkers! I consider any two people who love one another, in a partnership or marriage, a family unit.

Post # 16
3135 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

This is something that is really a non issue. You’re being picky about nothing. 

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