(Closed) why is the first year the hardest?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I disagree- I think it’s the last year.(whether with divorce or death)

 

Post # 4
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@vorpalette: No idea but I disagree! We were both way more stressed out last year when we were planning the wedding and Darling Husband had transferred to a new university and was having a hard time with some of his classes and left his job of six years for one that made less money. So far, this married year has been much, much easier, more fun and a lot better all around.

Post # 5
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@vorpalette:  I think it’s because of all the changes you go through.  Traditionally, at least, it’s the first time you’re living with your spouse, getting used to his/her habits and tics, etc.  It’s also, traditionally, the first time you’re living away from your parents and having to be a real grownup.

I think things have changed a lot because so many people are getting married later in life, after they’ve already been an adult living on their own for a while, and because so many couples live together and combine finances before marriage.  The saying, however, has stuck.

Post # 6
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s mostly hardest for people who move in together the first year. Though, my Fiance and I had zero problems when we moved in together a few years ago, but I guess a lot of people have “growing pains” when they move in, whether they’re married or not. I can’t imagine much would change for people who lived together already, unless they already had problems.

Post # 7
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s probably the hardest if you’re living something similar to the life women had when that phrase originated: you’re leaving your parents’ home for the first time, living with your spouse for the first time, fairly young, and fairly sheltered.  Also, check out all the threads on people figuring out how to split the holidays between in-laws for the first time lol.  Might also be when issues you neglected to discuss before marriage pop up (especially if you didn’t live together), like how to divvy up housework or money stuff. Money stuff is a big one for many people.

I think for many of us though the saying doesn’t really apply. Hell, I’d think the first year with kids would be way harder.

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

julies1949: —> THIS

Wise statement !! 

And often the year or years following that when one really is in transition can be equally as hard if not more so.

Year One of being married… when LOVE could conquer all was a million times easier 

 

Post # 9
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@bearlove:  Agree!!

 

Darling Husband and I did not live together before, and it was quite an adjustment starting out. Especially when we began merging our finances. While it took some getting used-to, it wasn’t bad. If that’s the hardest year we are going to have, we’re in for many happy years 🙂

Post # 10
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For my husband and I, the first year of living together was the hardest (so far).  We never really had ginourmous issues, just the regular stuff, but yeah, our first year of living together we both had to get used to a bunch of stuff.  It didn’t make it any easier that I moved into *his* home.  We both had to be patient in learning to accept that this was now my home too.

Post # 11
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’ve always heard that, too. I don’t necessarily agree with it because we didn’t really have trouble our first year, even though we didn’t live together before marriage. I’d expect that we will have years in the future that are much more difficult.

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s definitely been our hardest and nearly broke us. It was all the change and merging of things and realizing how different our communication really was. We had arguments before marriage but living together and being together all the time definitely put a different spin on things. His family are yellers and I would say don’t fight fair/healthy. My family is the complete opposite. That on top of me quitting my job, moving to be with him in a crapass little town where I can’t find a job or many friends while getting used to living and communicating with him in his home while he got used to me and a stressful new job was rediculous. Seriously. I’m stressed again reading all of that. I surely hope life gets easier as the years go on.

Post # 14
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@artichokey:  Agreed. Wedding planning was much more stressful than now.  Being a newlywed has been wonderful so far.  We can relax after the planning whirl-wind and just spend time together.  I have never felt more in love and loved than I do right. 🙂

I agree with everyone else that the traditional moving in together for the first time would be more difficult than couples that had previously lived together or stayed together often.  It’s just getting used to your spouses habits and figuring out how to run a home together that could create bumps in the road that first year.

Post # 15
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve heard that it can also be a “mental adjustment” as well. Like getting used to the idea of permanence? Something like that. Me and Darling Husband lived together almost  a year before we got married. But oh man lemme tell you we’ve argued so much since the honeymoon more than we’ve ever argued before. Mostly due to financial stress because so many things have popped up that we had no control over. It sucks because I see so many posts with happily married bees and I’m so tired from arguing every week. It’s not normal for us so I hope this passes very soon.

Post # 16
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

wow if its our hardest we’re going to have an amazingly easy marriage! Im quite sure that we;re not marriage isnt all easy but our first year has been great. I see our 2nd year as being our hardest

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