Post # 1
I am happily married to the most amazing man in the world. A few years before we met, “Tom” was my best friend. He wante to date, I saw him like a brother, so we continued to be friends. Then a year later, he said again how he wanted to be more than friends, I said I wanted to just be friends, we had a strained relationship for a bit, then patched things up and all was good. This happened a third time, and Tom just couldn’t understand why I would call him if I only wanted to be friends. I was careful to avoid any date-like things so as not to lead him on. After the third time, he wanted nothing to do with me. A few months later, I met my now-husband. When he met my then-boyfriend, he told him dirt on me to try to convince him to dump me. We have a lot of mutual friends, and sometimes are at the same church events. Whenever I came to a church event, I would get a nasty email that I shouldn’t come. He has also said this to a mutual friend, who told him to get over it (it’s been about four years). He stopped that, but gives me the silent treatment. He is getting married, and it’s bothering me. Part of it is if he is still hung up on me (mutual friend’s opinion), then he should be getting married, he should be getting therapy. As awful as it sounds, I am a little glad the girl he’s marrying isn’t as pretty or successful as I am, and my life is pretty fantastic. I think I just feel sad that I lost a good friend and if you had asked me five years ago, there would have been no question in my mind we would each be there for each other’s weddings. Am I crazy here?
Post # 3
No you are not crazy. I went throught a similar situation with my old male ex-best friend. We had a push and pull between us sexually and relationship-wise for four years. When he married, I was hurt and gleeful she was not a ‘pretty’ as me, but then I felt had. If your friend wanted you, he would not have played so many games. Maybe his fear kept him from making the right move, but you can only speculate. Let it go and for the sake of your marriage purge him from your system. I had to do that for the sake of my peace of mind.
Post # 4
Seems ro me like he is the crazy one here not you. I honestky wouldn’t worry about what he needs as only he can get the help he requires. i feel sorry for his bride to be…tis cn only end badly for her…
Post # 5
You’re not crazy. You lost a friend and it’s ok to mourn that. I also think that you’re also mourning…just a teensy bit…the loss of an admirer as well.
I had a similar relationship with an ex who could not get over us and as much as I didn’t like it–we were friends before and were trying to remain friends afterwards–I had to surgically remove myself from his life because he wouldn’t do it and I was holding him back from being happy. We are not in contact now, and I miss him on occasion, but I really think it’s better for us both this way. I hear that he’s doing much better in his own life and while it’s sad I’m not a part of it, he might not have been able to develop it if I tried to remain in his life. You need to let him go. And you need to let him get married, even if you think it’s the wrong decision. If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out and they’ll both work through it, but ultimately, it’s not your concern.