(Closed) Why is waiting so damn hard?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I’m just waking up so I’m terribly groggy. This is going to be a weird post.

Imagine you are walking in the forest. You are walking along with your SO and things are all good. You are walking along hand in hand, side by side, just enjoying the scenery. While walking you come to a bridge. Across the bridge you see a completely different forest. It’s even more gorgeous! Something you would see out of Avatar. There might even be a sign that says “Magical happy forest” or something. You get excited and look at your SO and say “OH! Let’s go there! It’s beautiful!” 

He says “Sure.” So you, still holding his hand, try to take your first step onto the bridge but then stop when you realize he’s not moving. He just stands there grinning or looking to the side. You say “Hey, let’s go.” and he says “Just a minute sweetie. Soon.”

So you stop and wait… and wait some more. The minutes start adding up and you finally ask him if he still wants to go. He says “Of course sweetie. In a minute. I’m just not ready” then he starts picking his nose or cleaning his ear out.

You ask him what he needs to be ready. At first he shrugs and says he doesn’t know. After a little more pressuring he says “Oh…well.. I kind of need a drink.” So you give him the water bottle. He finishes and you say “Ok, ready yet?” He shakes his head and says “Soon.”

So, you wait and wait for a few hours and he still hasn’t moved. Or maybe he’s moved a couple of feet on the bridge but that’s all. So…. either you wait more or you get fed up and say.. “Ok. I can’t wait forever. I’m going home!”

 

(sorry this is long and pointless. It helped me wake up.)

Post # 5
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

@Anxiouspeanut: I know how you feel, waiting can get really hard sometimes.  There are good waiting days, and then there are those days where you feel you just can’t wait another second. Personally, I notice that sometimes I torture myself by thinking all kinds of negative thoughts, which consequently make me feel really down.  I also notice that my negative thoughts/emotions then start affecting him.  The relationship then feels strained.  Unfortunately, this is what can happen if we let waiting take over our hearts and minds.  I am definitely guilty of doing so.  But I’m trying REALLY hard to let go and just enjoy the man I love and our relationship.  And when I am able to let go (at least for a little while), I feel like the girl I used to be before all the waiting craziness got to me. 

I’ve made a promise to myself to remain a calm and confident woman.  By calm I mean not letting anything freak me out in terms of our future, and just giving him some time to do what HE chooses to do.  And by confident I mean that if time shows that my SO has chosen to not take the next step, then  I will be strong and confident enough to make a decision that is best for ME. 

Also, I don’t know if you are a spiritual person, but if you are, I really do believe praying will help you feel better and make the waiting much easier.  It has done wonders for me.

Best of luck, and remember there are bees going through the exact same thing!  Time will address all of our waiting issues.  We just need patience!

Post # 6
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

Sorry you’re feeling so frustrated! I’m sure you’ve heard it a bunch of times before, but I would suggest not focusing on the engagement. It definitely sucks having to wait and it is definitely not fair if he is teasing you about it, but if you keep focusing on the engagement you will feel down almost every day.

I used to be at the point that you’re at and I felt depressed so often. I focused almost all my thoughts on why he hadn’t proposed yet and wanting to be engaged that I just became plain unhappy. My SO and I fought and argued on a daily basis, and it brought it to the point where talk of marriage/engagement was just about forbidden with him. He came to relate marriage/engagement talk to fighting and would just expect a fight anytime I even started trying to talk to him about it rationally. I realize you haven’t said that you and your SO are fighting or anything, but my point is that you are making yourself unhappy. You might look at it like, “Uh, no, he’s making me unhappy by prolonging this waiting period.” But what will that accomplish? Instead, focus on, “I know he loves me and wants to get married eventually so I choose to make the best of this situation and improve my own happiness and the happiness of our relationship.” I believe that it honestly helps the waiting period move along and come closer to that engagement when the man sees your happiness in all that you do. Even if you have not been sitting around pouting, crying, etc., I can bet that he has noticed your unhappiness with the waiting situation. So get out there and do things for yourself. Get out there and have fun with your relationship. Get out there and just be happy!

One other thing I will add though… If he is in fact teasing and bugging you about waiting/engagement/marriage, I would sit him down and tell him how that bothers you. Just explain calmly and rationally that you feel hurt when he teases you because of whatever reason. Be sure not to put any added pressure on him though and don’t attack/accuse him of things.

Good luck with everything!

Post # 10
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

@Anxiouspeanut: Well, I’m not really sure why your SO says those things, but I would guess that he enjoys teasing you about it to get your reaction?  If it bothers you when he does those things, I think it best to just have no reaction, maybe even ignore the comment.  Trust me, he will get the hint.  Try it out and let us know how it goes. 

Post # 11
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Tell him to stop teasing you or saying things that gets your hopes up.

When I was waiting, my then SO would say stuff like that ALL.OF.THE.TIME and it made me so miserable that I told him to stop. He is doing that because he thinks you like it- have a nice conversation with him that you are getting your hopes up and you are going to be very disappointed as the only thing you REALLY REALLY want is a ring. Ask him to stop the comments for your sanity sake because the waiting is driving you crazy- he only says these things because he isn’t in your shoes and doesn’t know what it feels like to wait for someone else to make a move you want.

Post # 14
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

@Anxiouspeanut: Not to repeat myself, but I still think having no reaction to those comments would work best, because I already assume that you’ve told him it bothers you when he says those things correct?  If you have told him and he is still doing it, I think it’s for the reaction.  I’m not saying it’s best to play games with him but maybe it will send a bigger message if you blatantly ignore the comment.  He may then ask what’s wrong.  And you can tell him that as long as he says thing like that you’re not interested in talking. 

At the end of the day, only YOU know your guy and his personality.  So take the advice that you think would work best for him.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

@Anxiouspeanut: Oh I see, well if you’ve already tried to brush off the comments then I agree it’s time for a talk.  He needs to know how bad it makes you feel.  And I’m betting he will stop once he understands that it hurts you.

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