Why is your family the size it is?

posted 3 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
Member
8995 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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muppetbaby :  I don’t think most people drop it like it’s nothing though and I think going into building a family with a hard and fast number is a little naive. We agreed we both wanted kids, we came up with a range, and have taken it kid by kid. My body is pretty worn out from this current pregnancy and I don’t feel like I’d physically up for a third even though my husband is still on the fence (mostly leaning no, but doesn’t want to completely shut the door on the decision so we’re paying to keep our embryos frozen for another year). 

Post # 62
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

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LilliV :  That’s the thing though, you agreed on a range. Which is a reasonable thing to do. Also, I pointed out after many years because after a certain amount of time, it’s also reasonable to feel the plan is set in stone. If you’ve been together a total of 10+ years and the plan has never changed, and then one day your parnter changes their mind – it doesn’t mean anyone is wrong for feeling that way, but it is understandable that the other partner would feel extremely frustrated and maybe even a little betrayed.

Post # 63
Member
3750 posts
Honey bee

It will just be me, SO, and our doggo and cat, and SO has 2 older grown children, but they are off doing their own things.  

I always thought i wanted to have children of my own and it was the catalyst for my divorce, as my exH decided he didn’t them (among other things), but in the end, my life feels complete.  I’m nearing 40 and SO is nearing 55 and we love our simple life and are getting ready for early retirement.  

I wouldn’t mind if his children make me a step grandmother, but wouldn’t be disappointed if that didn’t happen.  

 

Post # 64
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

It is just my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé, sorry in my head he is And I hate calling him my bf lol) and our dog.  I’d have 2 dogs if my one wasn’t dog aggressive, but that is the max to what I’m capabale for right now.

ive never wanted children, but I love kids.  We joke sometimes about having one, but I think it’s best to really want kids before having them and I really don’t.  In dreams where I have kids, I cry saying my life is over.  That’s all the signs I need.

that being said, I love the relationship with my mom and my bf’s relationship with his. When I think about my mom, it makes me want to be one.  I have a twin sister and my parents divorced when I was 3 (but remained best friends until his death), so that is why they didn’t have more kids but I always wanted a brother.

Post # 65
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

It’s just us and two cats currently, because I can’t seem to be able to get pregnant, not even with ivf, and no one has been able to find out why. 

I never got pregnant with my first husband either, but he had big fertility issues, so we thought it was that. Well, apparently it wasn’t. 

I’m thinking about getting an endometrial biopsy done, to see if anything pops up from that. 

Post # 66
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

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Twizbe :  For now it’s my husband, myself and our baby boy, but we are definitely planning on having 1 more child. 

Both my parents passed away when I was young and I only had my brother. We are extremely close and I can’t imagine what life would have been like without him.

On my husband’s side, his mom was an only child and she passed away. It’s greatly affected his gran and I can’t imagine ever having to go through that, and God willing, I never ever have to. 

My husband is also extremely close to his brother. Because of our experiences growing up, we definitely want our little boy to have a sibling. I know it’s no guarantee that they will be close or have a good relationship, but we can only hope. 

Post # 67
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Counting all living beings in the house, we’re a family of four: me, my husband, and two cats. We both really want two kids, but given extenuating circumstances, I wouldn’t be unhappy with just one if that’s what works better for our lives. Neither of us want to go over three, and the only way we’d be comfortable with three is if we had twins on the second go round. Twins do run in our family and twins on the first try would be my ideal choice; one pregnancy and done 😂Assuming we get a singleton the first round, I’ve been thinking a lot lately of one biological and one adopted child, but I don’t know if husband is as on board with adoption. I definitely know that if we face infertility, I’d like to go for adoption before IVF. 

I definitely always want to have at least one cat (if it were up to me I’d have a ridiculous amount of cats…) and a dog once we have a yard for it!

Post # 68
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Right now, it’s just me and my husband. In a few years, after getting a house and travelling abroad, we plan on getting a dog. In about 4-5 years, we plan on starting to try for kids. Right now we’ve agreed on 3 (he wants 2, I want 4), but we’re going to see how the first two go first. 

For now, we’re enjoying our independent time while we can!

Post # 69
Bee
337 posts
Helper bee

For now, it’s fiancé, myself, and our two sweet kitties. After our wedding in late 2021 (I hope it’ll be then, given the current circumstances) we’re going to start TTC in early 2022. We both want 3, maybe 4, kids (ideally, as we know we can’t control that definitively). Soaking in our time as a newly engaged couple at the moment!

Post # 70
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

My family size is 6 counting animals. It’s me, my husband, and my daughter (his step daughter). My daughter was difficult as a baby/child and her dad and I divorced when she was 4, and I knew at they moment I never wanted any more kids. I love teenagers (I teach high school) but little ones are not for me.

 

My husband never wanted kids so we agreed we’d never have one together. We enjoy 1, it’s easier and cheaper and we can do more things and travel more with just 1.

 

We got our dog because my daughter begged me for years and I finally caved. I don’t like dogs much but she’s the cutest, best dog ever. We got 2 kittens when our elderly cat died, and 2 cats is enough for my husband. He’d get another dog but 1 dog is enough for me, so we keep each other in check.

Post # 71
Member
933 posts
Busy bee

Right now it’s my husband, myself, and our dog. We live in an apartment and won’t be getting another dog until we have a yard, taking her out on the leash in the snow, rain, whatever sucks. And she’s definitely got only child vibes so I don’t think she would do well with adding another pet into the mix. My husband eventually wants a cat but I just don’t like them and I don’t like the idea of having to worry about cleaning the litter box and taking my dog on walks, I tell him I can’t deal with cat problems and dog problems. 

As far as kids we’ve really swung back and forth on the idea. Orginally I said that if we were to have any I want 2 because I want to give them a sibling/potential nieces and nephews/more family bonds. We don’t live by our families so there are no cousins to run down the street and play with. But that also means we won’t have any family around to help so I’m starting to really come around more to being one and done. And there’s so many financial and lifestyle benefits to having one that appeal to me, like a smaller house, smaller car, easier to manage the kids schedule, day care costs, and my own emotional energy. I don’t do well with no sleep and I really value a clean house. I think we will have one and see how it goes, but we absolutely will not have more than 2. A large family is my own personal nightmare 

Post # 72
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

We only have a cat at the moment, and I desperately want another! But we’ve agreed to two children when the time comes and no more. And we’ve also agreed that we couldn’t care less whether that’s two boys, two girls, or one of each. Two pets and two small humans is the limit we’ve agreed upon. Although I’ve already warned him that I want to foster kittens when I retire many years from now, so the number of fur babies will fluctuate 😂

Post # 73
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Currently it’s me, hubby, our 21 month old son, our cat and I am 32 weeks pregnant with our second son.

Both hubby and I come from larger families (I’m one of 5 children and he’s one of 4 – plus his dad was one of 6 so he has a lot of cousins floating around) so I always kind of assumed we’d follow in similar footsteps. We did talk kids well before we got married (or even engaged) and I quickly realised that hubby didn’t want as many as me (I’m open to having 5, he’d be happy with just 2 but is okay with going to 3) – we’re pretty set on having 3 kids right now and already know when we plan to start TTC #3 but there is the possibility of a fourth (particularly if the first three are all boys; hubby said he would be okay going one more time to try for a girl in that case). For hubby, it mostly comes down to money – we want to provide our kids with a certain lifestyle so we need to be able to afford this. I can’t help but agree with his reasoning so we’ll see how we go.

We also plan to grow our family with another fur baby in the next few years – hubby has wanted a dog ever since he was a little boy but was never allowed to have one, so we’re going to add one to our family. I’m not a big dog person, but it would make him happy and I’m sure the boys would love a puppy to grow up with so I’m okay with it. I’d like to get another cat, but I don’t think our current cat would like that (he’s a very solitary older kitty).

Post # 74
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

In my house it’s me and my husband, our sweet recently-adopted kitty, and the little bean I’m currently gestating (first time mom, due in October with a girl!). We hope to have 2 kids total, as we also were each one of two and it feels right. We got super lucky and got pregnant on our first try, and my pregnancy has been pretty easy so far, so fingers crossed when we’re ready for #2, things go smoothly again. I’m 33 but we want our kids to be at least 2 years apart, so it will probably be as planned out and strategically timed as possible! When we eventually get a house with a yard, we’d like to get a dog too.

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