(Closed) Why must my mother purposely try to make me sad?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow! I saw that you posted that on FB. What a piece of work. Write her a thank you card. 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Bad enough that she had to do that, but to use your daughter as the middle man? Ugh. I’d be majorly P-O’ed.

Post # 5
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

What a major B.

Post # 6
Member
46680 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

to answer your question- a woman with serious issues of her own.

Post # 7
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

omg – i read ure last post, but reading this one i am so upset for you. thats horrible, I am so sorry.

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

What a sad, sad, messed-up person. My friend’s ex-husband uses their kids to get to her all the time and I feel so bad for her; I can’t imagine what this is like for you. You’ve got to be a pretty low human being to try and turn a child into ammunition.

Post # 10
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@SoontobeMrsA:  Oh not you too?  My mother sent me a birthday gift last year with a card and wrote something similar on it about how I “used to be” her daughter.  And she makes comments like that all the time.  I’ve posted the whole wedding drama here but one of the things she did at the reception was to sign the guestbook “Unknown”.  seriously.  thanks for the memories, mom!

I have made the choice to have no contact with her at all, at least for now.  That’s a very personal and difficult choice though, and it was made after YEARS of all kinds of awful behavior.  Not something I did lightly.

It sounds like you were a single mom?   My firstborn came along when I was 20, and single, and I relied a lot on my mom for the first year or two to help with my son.  She always went overboard and tried to take over and parent him FOR me though, and we butted heads a lot.  I think back and see that period of time as the start of the downfall of our relationship, and it’s only gotten worse since. 🙁 

When I moved out she was okay with it but when I married when my son was 4, she got even worse.  She went on about how I didn’t “need her” anymore and when my second child was born she really kept her distance and isn’t nearly as close to him as a result.  She couldn’t understand how to be a Grandma without being “another mom” if that makes sense. 

Of course I’m just sharing, I don’t know the dynamic with your mom, but I sympathize.  She tells everyone that she “had” a daugther but not anymore.  I see it as attention getting melodrama and I refuse to “play” anymore.

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SoontobeMrsA: you are far better than I would be… ’cause I would’ve called her up and b’ed her out for that.  using your daughter?!?!?  and on your birthday to boot?!?!?  did she expect you to live with her/in her house forever?!?!?!?

geez… sounds like MY mother, who demanded to know how’d she get to the store after I moved out! hello! you have a husband and you can drive!  

((((HUGS)))) sorry you gotta deal with her!

Post # 12
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Why use my birthday as a day to get back at me?

Because some people are horrible like that. My mother suffers from depression and has for as long as I can remember. During some of her lowest points, she has said some terrible, almost unforgivable things to me before because she couldn’t cope with her own feelings and needed to make someone else miserable as well. And if the mood strikes someone like this, they will use whatever will hurt you most. In this case, a birthday.

Post # 13
Member
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SoontobeMrsA:

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  She is acting horribly.  Feel free to PM me.  🙁

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Whoa, I can’t believe she would do that!! How can moms act that way??? i couldn’t even imagine..

Does she watch little A? Or does she just go there to spend time with her? Cuz seriously, if she isn’t babysitting, maybe you should limit A’s time with her. Who knows what kinds of things she is filling her head with about you and Mr A!!! Maybe she needs to be punished a little…

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