(Closed) Why must my mother purposely try to make me sad?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Ugh. That’s awful. What a crack pot.

Post # 18
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@SoontobeMrsA:

Yeah, that’s just horrible.  It sounds like your mother is seriously sick.  Has she always been this way?

  I  do hope you have a wonderful birthday with Mr. A and little A tomorrow. 

Post # 19
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Right, I forgot about the autism. I think you need to have a serious talk with your mother, and tell her that if she doesn’t cut this crap, then you will be forced to distance her from Annabelle. Play hardball with her, because again, if A is that impressionable, think of what your mom could be filling her head with about Mr A, which could cause major problems!!! I wouldn’t put it past her…

Post # 20
Member
4822 posts
Honey bee

Have you addressed her? Have you asked her “Why don’t you support me?” blatently to her face. Not quietly and softly, but in a way she cant ignore you? Its worth a try. Sometimes when someone is confronted with a direct question they are forced to realize their actions. It may be worth the try.

Post # 21
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

My mom would flip if I called her by her first name but other than that I think our moms are ring leaders of the “mommydearest” club. Insufferable, she does nothing but stress me out, I feel for you.

Post # 22
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@SoontobeMrsA:  Oh boy!  My mom told my 13 year old, right after the wedding, that we should save some wedding cake since it is traditional to freeze it and then throw it out AFTER THE DIVORCE. 

I never limited my mom’s contact with my kids until she started dragging them into our disagreements and using them (or trying to) against me.  Thankfully she didn’t do that until here recently.  The boys are old enough to know what to ignore when she says stuff and they choose to see her or not, but they are 13 (almost 14) and 19. If/when she tries to say “You tell your mother ______” they will both tell her “No Grandma, YOU tell your daughter whatever it is that you need to say!” 🙂  They see through her BS now.

I would put my foot down with her involving your daughter for SURE.  I wouldn’t tolerate that and I’d let her know that if she has some snarky thing to say, she needs to say it to YOU and no one else, especially not a child!

Post # 23
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@MsInterpret: AGREED!!  Even better- IF SHE can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Post # 26
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

hmm…I think I’m going through something similar with my mom, but we’ve talked about it a bit (actually, we had a big blow out right after a bridal expo my mom and I attended at my wedding venue). Things are better now, but I think it has been really hard for her to let go. I know this is probably going to sound confusing, but it seems to me as if your mother must either really love you, your daughter, or both for her to go through such great measures to try and hurt you. I don’t think she’s expressing her emotions properly (obviously), but people usually only lash out like that when they themselves are seriously hurting.

Whatever it is, I am very sorry, but I can tell by this post (and your other posts) that you must really love your family. I know this is probably not going to make you feel better per se, but you’re clearly affected by all of this, so I sort of see this as an indicator that you really do care.

Either way, I really hope you and your mother can work things out. It seems like something really bad must must have happened between you and your daughter’s biological father, because your mother seems to be upset that you’re leaving her for another man (at least…that’s what I’ve gathered after reading through a few of these posts). I sort of get the feeling that your mother is more upset that you are choosing these “terrible people” over her. It seems like she doesn’t really trust your opinion when it comes to men.

I don’t know though, I could be just projecting because I’ve gone through some of the same things.

Post # 27
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry.  You deserve better than that.

It always amazes me when grown parents try to undermine their own children. I just cannot even wrap my mind around that.

Post # 29
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

last year my mom sent my BD card to my office and on the inside she wrote how she is so unwelcomed to our home/never invited that she forgot the address so had to send it to the office – im going to send it to passiveaggressivenotes.com because i found it hilarious

for me, a mom is more than a title and if she wants you to call her by her adult name than that means you are even less obliged to bow to her passive agressive attempts to control you – i mean who uses a child (her grandchild) to score emotional points, uggh!

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