Why my FMIL treats my fiancee and I differently?

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 31
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

vortex :  I honestly cannot understand WTF you’re talking about, but I will say that you don’t have a MIL problem, you have a FI problem.  No bank accounts need to be shared between an adult child and a parent.  He needs to clip those apron strings NOW.  He’s showing you who’s more important in his life, and it ain’t you.

Post # 32
250 posts
Helper bee

The only solution I see involves foot-stomping and breath-holding.  undecided

Post # 33
122 posts
Blushing bee

lol This entire thread has been an amusing read. I agree with everyone here – sometimes people treat others differently, and who can say why? If it’s such a problem, talk it out with them. What do you expect random strangers on the Internet to know about any of this when you haven’t explained it very well? You say this isn’t about money, yet that seems to be the main thing you’re going on about. So… IDK what the heck you want. 


fredthebasil: I agree with you. Though I actually share an account with my parents, it’s because they travel extensively and they need someone at home to handle their finances. This trainwreck just sounds like mooching, though. Shared accounts can work, but it’s really a question of maturity and how well the child can handle financial responsibility. 


WallNut: LOL XD

Post # 34
3444 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t really understand this post. It sounds to me like MiL is overly involved in her sons’ lives, and even more overly involved in the brother’s life, which OP somehow sees as “better.”

So confused.

Post # 35
10 posts

Because the way you have described your fiancee over the last 3 years has proven he is NOT capable of being an adult, making his own decisions, set goals and work toward and achieve them.  Basically, his parents had to kick him out of their own home because there was a significant “failure to launch” into adulthood.  Obviously, they feel his brother and gf are more mature and capable of making the best of any help that is offered them and are making every effort to live up to the parent’s expectation of acting like adults.  

Whereas, you two, keep drifting along without any concrete plans and your fh has done nothing to show he’s adult enough to take control of his own life, let alone contributing to a relationship.  They don’t trust either one of you or your judgement.  Obviously, you have said things or done things that his parents are aware of that they don’t either trust or approve of.  

If you aren’t willing to move to where your fiance lives 90% of the time and he’s not willing to do what it takes to move to where you are 100% of the time.  It’s time to END this fiasco and move on!  The only reason you’ve been holding on to it is because it’s comfortable.  You have NEVER once said you love this man-child.  And I’ll bet his parents have figured this out and believe that there is little to no meaningful future in this relationship.  

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