(Closed) Why not propose to him?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you propose to him?
    Definitely not! : (144 votes)
    68 %
    Maybe, maybe not. : (20 votes)
    9 %
    Sure, why not? : (47 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’m not waiting by any means, but I’ve wondered the same thing myself. Why does it have to be the man with a ring and a big surprise? Why not something low-key, or something you cooked up yourself? I would totally have proposed to FH if he hadn’t done it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I wouldn’t propose to him because he feels like it’s “his thing” to do.  Besides, I want him to propose when he is 100% ready.  I want to get engaged, but he feels too young ( I completely understand this because we are young) so I’m waiting until he feels like it’s right.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My SO isn’t very traditional, but I do know that the proposal is something that he wants to do himself. We have a friend who proposed to her now husband and when he heard of this he told me that if I proposed to him he would say no because “the man proposes to the woman.” Also over the past month he has been planning our proposal and I know that he is having a great time doing so and I would never want to take that away from him.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3575 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If I may add to the discussion…

    I’m not waiting but is one of the reaons you’re not proposing to him because you’ve always ‘dreamed’ of the moment when the love of you life would ask you to be his/her wife?

    I think this is why I could never propose.  I’ve always wanted the ‘cinderella’ story.  And yes, I’ve done my waiting…and I’m glad I did.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1057 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My FH’s wedding band has shipped and should be here today or tomorrow and I was teasing him saying I was going to give him the proposal I always wanted. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee

    When I was waiting, I didn’t propose myself for two reasons.  First, Fiance and I are both fairly traditional.  I knew we would both end up disappointed if I proposed.  Second, and more important, for awhile I knew that I was ready, and he wasn’t quite.  I wanted to know that he felt ready by the time he asked.  If I asked, that would put him on the spot, and possibly make him answer prematurely. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It really depends on what kind of boyfriend you have, most guys would not appreciate that at all. but Some guys would love to be proposed to. My guy is traditional and would have died if i proposed to him.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5921 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    While we were in the “waiting” stage, I mentioned once as a joke that I was going to give up and propose to him.

    He looked horrified.  LOL.  I asked him what the difference was, and he admitted that he thought it was weird, and always imagined him getting on one knee and asking me.

    I wouldn’t have really done it, but even if I would have, I wouldn’t want to take that away from him.

    On another note, honestly – – I wouldn’t have done it because if he hadn’t proposed to me, there would have been a reason he hadn’t yet.  Maybe he wasn’t ready, etc.  I would have always wondered if he was “forced” into saying yes.

    Post # 12
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would not have proposed to Fiance for a few reasons (even though there were times in our 6 1/2 yr relationship that I was ready to):

    1) I wanted a traditional proposal. I wanted him to ask my dad’s permission (which he did) and get down on one knee (which he did)

    2) I wanted him to be ready. He’d often said that before he met me, he was sure he never wanted to get married. He knew it was important to me, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He just needed to come to terms with the fact that HE was actually getting married.

    I was ready way before him, I did not ever seriously consider proposing to him because I didn’t want to have to feel like I “forced him” into marying me. I knew that when he asked me, it’d be because he was really ready to be married.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1871 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Our culture is very potent about who does the asking and I think a lot of women have powerful dreams about what it’s like to be asked and they really do want to live the dream. I can totally understand that.

    Now, I am all feminist femme and thought that I could totally propose to any guy.

    Then I realized what a big responsibility it is. When you envision yourself having to do it, you understand how proactive a decision it is and how definitive you have to be about the other person. I’m not saying that ISN’T true for brides, but it’s different having to be the one to do the asking than to be the one to say yes or no.

    Could I have asked? Sure–I’m the right kind of girl and my man is the right kind of guy–but I think deep deep down, I was a bit chicken and didn’t want the responsibility. It took us 8 years to get our acts together, but I think in the end, we were both on the same page when the proposal finally happened.

    Post # 14
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I wouldn’t have proposed for two big reasons. 

    #1- Most guys (mine included) were excited about the proposal. It was “his thing” and he would have been suuuper disappointed if I took that away from him. 

    #2- the status quo is that guys propose. guys know this. this means (to me) that if he has not proposed, he is not ready. Because if he was ready, he’d do it. I’d worry I was pushing him into something he was unready for. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I sort of commandeered the search for a ring (I found one when I was shopping with my mom, and brought Fiance back later and he agreed to it), so I felt like I should let him do the ‘official’ proposal on his own.

    We talked a lot about it before we even bought the ring, and I was always the one who held out on marriage. When I decided I was ready, I told Fiance, and that got the ball rolling. So I guess I unofficially proposed, lol.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I’m not waiting, but I wouldn’t have proposed. I guess I’m traditional like that. For me, it’s his job.

    The topic ‘Why not propose to him?’ is closed to new replies.

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