MemberI’m not trying to stir the pot or cause trouble. This question comes from a place of academic curiosity.
For everyone who is getting frustrated while waiting for their SO to propose, would you ever consider proposing to him (or her) instead? Why or why not?
MemberI’m not waiting by any means, but I’ve wondered the same thing myself. Why does it have to be the man with a ring and a big surprise? Why not something low-key, or something you cooked up yourself? I would totally have proposed to FH if he hadn’t done it.
MemberI wouldn’t propose to him because he feels like it’s “his thing” to do. Besides, I want him to propose when he is 100% ready. I want to get engaged, but he feels too young ( I completely understand this because we are young) so I’m waiting until he feels like it’s right.
MemberThanks, MissBoPeep!
Anyone else want to chime in?
MemberMy SO isn’t very traditional, but I do know that the proposal is something that he wants to do himself. We have a friend who proposed to her now husband and when he heard of this he told me that if I proposed to him he would say no because “the man proposes to the woman.” Also over the past month he has been planning our proposal and I know that he is having a great time doing so and I would never want to take that away from him.
MemberIf I may add to the discussion…
I’m not waiting but is one of the reaons you’re not proposing to him because you’ve always ‘dreamed’ of the moment when the love of you life would ask you to be his/her wife?
I think this is why I could never propose. I’ve always wanted the ‘cinderella’ story. And yes, I’ve done my waiting…and I’m glad I did.
MemberMy FH’s wedding band has shipped and should be here today or tomorrow and I was teasing him saying I was going to give him the proposal I always wanted.
MemberWhen I was waiting, I didn’t propose myself for two reasons. First, Fiance and I are both fairly traditional. I knew we would both end up disappointed if I proposed. Second, and more important, for awhile I knew that I was ready, and he wasn’t quite. I wanted to know that he felt ready by the time he asked. If I asked, that would put him on the spot, and possibly make him answer prematurely.
MemberIt really depends on what kind of boyfriend you have, most guys would not appreciate that at all. but Some guys would love to be proposed to. My guy is traditional and would have died if i proposed to him.
MemberWhile we were in the “waiting” stage, I mentioned once as a joke that I was going to give up and propose to him.
He looked horrified. LOL. I asked him what the difference was, and he admitted that he thought it was weird, and always imagined him getting on one knee and asking me.
I wouldn’t have really done it, but even if I would have, I wouldn’t want to take that away from him.
On another note, honestly – – I wouldn’t have done it because if he hadn’t proposed to me, there would have been a reason he hadn’t yet. Maybe he wasn’t ready, etc. I would have always wondered if he was “forced” into saying yes.
MemberI would not have proposed to Fiance for a few reasons (even though there were times in our 6 1/2 yr relationship that I was ready to):
1) I wanted a traditional proposal. I wanted him to ask my dad’s permission (which he did) and get down on one knee (which he did)
2) I wanted him to be ready. He’d often said that before he met me, he was sure he never wanted to get married. He knew it was important to me, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He just needed to come to terms with the fact that HE was actually getting married.
I was ready way before him, I did not ever seriously consider proposing to him because I didn’t want to have to feel like I “forced him” into marying me. I knew that when he asked me, it’d be because he was really ready to be married.
MemberOur culture is very potent about who does the asking and I think a lot of women have powerful dreams about what it’s like to be asked and they really do want to live the dream. I can totally understand that.
Now, I am all feminist femme and thought that I could totally propose to any guy.
Then I realized what a big responsibility it is. When you envision yourself having to do it, you understand how proactive a decision it is and how definitive you have to be about the other person. I’m not saying that ISN’T true for brides, but it’s different having to be the one to do the asking than to be the one to say yes or no.
Could I have asked? Sure–I’m the right kind of girl and my man is the right kind of guy–but I think deep deep down, I was a bit chicken and didn’t want the responsibility. It took us 8 years to get our acts together, but I think in the end, we were both on the same page when the proposal finally happened.
MemberI wouldn’t have proposed for two big reasons.
#1- Most guys (mine included) were excited about the proposal. It was “his thing” and he would have been suuuper disappointed if I took that away from him.
#2- the status quo is that guys propose. guys know this. this means (to me) that if he has not proposed, he is not ready. Because if he was ready, he’d do it. I’d worry I was pushing him into something he was unready for.
MemberI sort of commandeered the search for a ring (I found one when I was shopping with my mom, and brought Fiance back later and he agreed to it), so I felt like I should let him do the ‘official’ proposal on his own.
We talked a lot about it before we even bought the ring, and I was always the one who held out on marriage. When I decided I was ready, I told Fiance, and that got the ball rolling. So I guess I unofficially proposed, lol.
MemberI’m not waiting, but I wouldn’t have proposed. I guess I’m traditional like that. For me, it’s his job.
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