(Closed) Why not propose to him?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you propose to him?

    Definitely not!

    Maybe, maybe not.

    Sure, why not?

  • Post # 17
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    @CorgiTales:

    I agree with you. In my opinion, I’d want to be proposed to. A lot of men want to be able to take care of their g/f’s or wives. Getting down on one knee kind of supports that for them. It’s a sense of pride I guess.

    What if I proposed to HIM? Well, what if he said ‘yes’? That’s great and all… But how would I know if he said ‘yes’ because he’d feel bad saying ‘no’ to me and was afraid of hurting my feelings? I would never know if he really wanted to marry me. Guys don’t like making women cry. I know that it breaks J’s heart when I cry because he’s told me this. If a man really wanted to get married, then he’d propose. It’s just the way it’s always been: The man asks the father for permission to take care of his daughter for the rest of her life, and then, proposes. I’m not saying that THAT’S the way it has to be. If a girl wants to propose, that’s fantastic!! Shake it up a bit and go for it! But I think she has to be VERY VERY confident that he’ll say ‘yes’, and make sure he’s cool with it before hand.

    Gwen.

    Post # 18
    Member
    188 posts
    Blushing bee

    Similar to previous posters, my guy is excited about it and told me that my reaction to it would be worth as much as the ring itself to him. I feel like taking it into my own hands would take away from ‘how he asked’ story.

    Post # 19
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee

    I once proposed to my boyfriend with a ring that I made.  We got a good laugh out of it, but then he said that he really wanted to be the one who proposed and that it was something he’s always looked forward to doing.  He didn’t want that taken away from him.  He still keeps the ring I gave him on his desk though 🙂

    Post # 20
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee

    I have thought about this but I know he would be a little sad if I did it.  It is “his thing”–in fact, in his words, “the only thing that I really have total say of in the whole process,” so I would not want to take that away from him.  He WANTS to plan a nice proposal, and I would love it if he did.  I also want to make sure I am not forciing him (even though he said he wants to do it)–I just don’t want to feel like he is doing it only because I want to. I think he would be sad if I took the moment away from him.  He has said that he wants me to have a cool story to tell my girl friends about how he proposed. 

    On the contrary, I am thinking that if he doesn’t do it by our 5th anniversary next spring that I am going to tell him that he has a month or 2 to propose or I am going to do it to him! So hopefully he will do it before then, but I am not afraid to do it if he waits too much longer!!!

    View original reply
    @stephinPA: Honestly, yes, I want to look back and have fond memories of when he asked me to be his wife.  I know  and he knows that I want to marry him and be with him forever, and it would be nice for him to profess his love to me and show me that he wants the same thing!! (even though I already know that he wants it, too!)

    On top of all of that, I think he might be embarrassed if I did it, since he is the “guy” and that’s the “guy’s thing to do”. He might get flak from his friends/brothers if he didn’t do it.  I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.

    Post # 21
    Member
    7298 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s the man’s job. I mean, I know there are the feminist out there who say do it, but not in our relationship. We play traditional roles and it works for us.  I feel in the end that it would emasculate him.

    Post # 22
    Member
    471 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think that idea is great for people who don’t care about tradition and have guys who would be cool with it. For my situation, just the thought of proposing makes me laugh, and he’d also laugh in my face, and it would be the family joke for centuries to come… not in a good way. We both come from very traditional families, and I think men like mine take pride in things that are traditionally a man’s role. I wouldn’t ever want to steal that from him.

    Post # 23
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t mind proposing to him but he would be seriously upset if I did.  He is very traditional and it was hard for him to even let me be a part of the ring shopping experience.  I think it would make him feel emasculated if I proposed and took what he truly feels is something he has the right to do, not me.

    Post # 24
    Member
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I told him I would, he told me he would say no because it’s “his job”.

    Post # 25
    Member
    5262 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would have done it, but it was really important to my Fiance that he get the opportunity to. And I don’t feel like I was ever indefinitely waiting like some girls do. We had a timeline, and since he asked me to pick out the ring, I was pretty involved. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Why not propose to him:

    Initially it was because of tradition and wanting him to demonstrate his commitment. Now he is working on it and planning a proposal, and has been for A WHILE. I feel like I would be taking that chance away from him. The proposal is coming a lot slower than I would like, but I don’t think it would be fair if I proposed now. Also I want an engagement ring!! and would I still get one if I proposed to him? 

    Post # 27
    Member
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would have been fine proposing to my BF. I’m of the opinion that marriage isn’t something that one person asks and another person answers. It’s a decision that two adults come to regarding their future. I’d have been fine if either of us brought it up, we discussed it, and the other agreed and that was the end of it. 

    That might just be the kind of girl I am though. I also don’t really want a wedding either–it seems like a huge expense, and I’m not really into people staring at me. (I admit though that it seems nice to gather friends and family and celebrate the start of a new family. Just the whole traditional hoopla is kind of out there for me.)

    But I know that my guy is pretty traditional, added to the fact that I was ready to get married first and he isn’t. I floated the idea once of me proposing and he was totally against it. He said it’s something the guy gets to do. 

    Plus, when he asks that’s how I’ll know he’s ready and that he didn’t feel pressured into saying yes because I asked. 

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee

    If I did tell him I was going to propose to him, it would be more as a threat but not something I would actually want to do.  I think we are both very traditional and for me to say that to him would just to be to light a fire under his booty!

    Post # 29
    Member
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee

    No, I never would. For a host of reasons.

    1. He’s said to me before, “It’s the one tiny bit of control I have and once I do it, I’ll never have control of anything again.” He was joking but in a way, it’s very true.

    2. SO and I met when I was his boss at work. I’ve always earned more than he has, I’m older, have more education, own our home, and am generally the head of our household. He’s okay with that and eventually he’ll probably make more than me and have a higher degree. But really, me proposing would just emasculate him and while he’s comfortable with our switched gender roles, he’s still a guy and if I bought my own ring he would feel degraded.

    3. I was ready WAY before he was. I wouldn’t want to propose knowing that I was the only one ready.

    4. We’re not traditional people in most ways, but this is one of those traditions that I think is really very sweet. Men take longer to grow up so when they reach the point where they want to make you their wife, it’s like they’re finally ready to be a grown up and to make a life with you.

    5. I told him once that I didn’t care if I had to work, if I had to buy our homes, our cars, etc. but that I would not buy my own ring and I would not do the proposing. I can’t go back on that now!

    Post # 30
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m not waiting, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t want him to propose to me, and I didn’t want to propose to him.  Neither matches the way we make our decisions and the kind of couple we want to be.

    We “just decided.”  We’d actually known for a couple of years when we planned to get married, so we figured out the ideal time to get engaged.  A few months beforehand, he asked me if I wanted him to propose and I said no.  (he’d figured that’d be the answer, but wanted to check.)  I am so happy we did that – the idea of waiting for a surprise that he plans, and he chooses the timing for really bothers me for some reason.  I know it’s exciting and fun for a lot of people, but I don’t like the position it would have put me in.

    FWIW, we are not very traditional especially about stuff like this.

    Post # 31
    Member
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I agree with Corgi Tales.

     

    I also didn’t want to propose to him, because there were other things in the relationship that I compromised on, that I wasn’t 100% happy with.  I  refused to give in on this one thing that was very important with me.  I think the feeling I would get about proposing would be the same feeling as skipping the whole wedding idea and just getting legally married  to save for a house or a car. Logically it makes sense and there is nothing wrong with it, but it is just something I can’t do.

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