(Closed) Why not propose to him?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you propose to him?

    Definitely not!

    Maybe, maybe not.

    Sure, why not?

  • Post # 32
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    In a way, we kind of are proposing when we tell our SO’s that we want to marry them. But I never would have actually proposed to my DH, we’re both old fashioned and it would have been really weird for us. I would honestly sooner leave him than propose to him.

    Post # 33
    7429 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    hubs and I knew long before he proposed that we would one day get married, and I was fine with that.  I didn’t NEED to get married, I knew that if we were to have kids it wouldn’t be until our 30s anyway, so we had plenty of time. Honestly, he proposed to me well before I thought it would happen.  I had no idea he was looking at rings, and brought it with him on our first vacation together.  Honestly, we had mutually agreed that we were going to get married, so really any time after that point was good for us.  It was still about 2 years after that fact that we did get engaged.  I guess I just assumed that he would do the asking when he was good and ready, since he wanted to be able to buy the ring and be sure he could afford it first.  There was no pressure from me, so maybe that had something to do with him asking sooner than I had imagined.  Long story short, in answer to your question, we mutually agreed we were going to get married, but he still wanted to be the one who asked. However, I would have had no problem proposing to him had he taken too long!

    Post # 34
    492 posts
    Helper bee

    I voted ABSOLUTELY NOT! I’m waiting and I will continue to wait before I propose. Just my opinion. I’m not against women who do it but that’s just not my thing. I want my “knight in shining armour” to ask for my hand. Plus my BF would say No if I did so anyway. Just because he is totally into the planning and proposal surprise. He would think I was crazy. He said he’s been waiting to do this all his life. So I’m excited to see what he comes up with.

    But hey if your guy doesn’t mind then go for it!

    Post # 35
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m just repeating what a lot of bees said already but… here it is.

    I was once a waiting bee on these boards, patiently waiting for my Fiance to propose. And yes, that question was sometimes asked of me by other posters. Now that we’re engaged I still stand by my original comments.

    Fiance and I dated for 5 years… I was ready to get married after 4 years and we talked about getting married ad nauseum.

    So to answer this part of Sloth’s question: For everyone who is getting frustrated while waiting for their SO to propose, would you ever consider proposing to him (or her) instead? Why or why not?

    I was one of those girls who was frustrated while waiting. And yet, my Fiance had made it known to me that the proposal was important to him. Personally, I could care less. There were many times that I thought about proposing to him just so we could get on with it! And yet, I respect my Fiance and his want/need/whatever to be traditional and to propose to me. And so yes, I was frustrated and impatient, but in the end it was more important for me to wait for him to have this special moment than to rush a proposal simply because I was impatient.

    Oh and in response to Statutory Grape: Why does it have to be the man with a ring and a big surprise? Why not something low-key, or something you cooked up yourself?

    My proposal wasn’t a big surpise and it was actually VERY low-key. I wasn’t waiting for a proposal because I was looking for some big Cinderella moment. I didn’t propose to him because he wanted to cook up the low-key moment and be the one to ask me to marry him.

    And eventually he did. Yes, it took him a year longer than I wanted to, and sure, I could have proposed and I’m sure he would have yes…. but I knew that this moment was important to him and if that’s how he wanted to do it, I wasn’t going to take that away from him.

    Post # 36
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I waited 3.5 years for him to propose. We lived together for about 7 of those months. I knew that we were on the marriage track, but had to keep myself from thinking, “tonight is the night” for 1.5 years. I just kept reminding myself that all I have to do is say yes, he has to save up, pick out and purchase a ring, plan the proposal and execute. I looked at is as the man equivalent of the wedding, but with 100% mind reading what your partner wants. Imagine how much more stressful it would have been if I started giving hints or ultmatiums or how embarrassed he would have been if I did it for him (not all would be embarrassed, but I’m marrying an alpha male). In return for my patience, I got the most unbelievable and ideal (for me) proposal and a gorgeos ring (that was much more generous than i would have picked out if I was involved).

    Post # 37
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I’ll give you three reasons the above suggestion is a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really, really, really, really, really… bad idea!!!!

    1. While we fully understand and accept that you may carry our man parts in your purse… YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR THEM!

    2. There are a couple old school (long-standing) traditions you just don’t mess with… and ladies, this is one of them!

    3. That moment; those couple seconds after he opens the box, places the ring on your finger… YOU DESERVE THAT MOMENT!

    Mr. Coffee

    Post # 38
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee

    Oh, also, I agree that it’s ‘their thing.’ Kind of like our thing is walking down the aisle. They don’t get to do that, you know? That’s our thing, our moment and I think we all look forward to it A LOT. Can you imagine if he wanted you stand up front and him walk down the aisle? No no. Some things are better left as is. His moment is the proposal. Our moment is walking down the aisle. I’m not prepared to give up my moment, he shouldn’t have to give up his.

    Post # 40
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    I was thinking about it and toying with the idea of doing it on New Years, looking at rings etc. when he surprised me by proposing on Halloween.

    But, if I’d ever said “honey, I’m ready to get married” I would have considered that to be a proposal.  And if he’d ever said “what do you think about getting married, do you want to?” I would have considered that a proposal. I would have been sad that the proposal was so gutless but it would have been okay.  I wouldn’t bring up marriage if I wasn’t willing to ask the question straight out and I’m very impressed that he did it that way, no hinting around, no knowing the answer ahead of time.

    And if either of the above had happened there is no way there would have been an “official proposal”.  I’m just very baffled by the artificiality of it and would never go through a kabuki like that.  I’m glad women who want that get that and men who want that get that without the woman laughing at him but that would never have worked for us.

    I’m a straight up unashamed feminist so I would never have been so serious with a man that would say “no” when he did want to marry me but thought it was “his job”.  Any man dating me would suspect that such a “no” would mean we weren’t getting married period because I sure wouldn’t say “yes” when he asked for a very very long while. 

    Also, he walked down the aisle with his parents, as per the Jewish tradition.  🙂

    And yeah… wouldn’t marry a man who thought I carried his parts in a purse…

    Post # 41
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Wait…I’m not allowed to “wear man parts”? Could you explain what that means? Am I not allowed to, like, earn more than my husband or be the one to change a flat tire or fix a broken sink?

    Maybe this is a tradition that ladies are not supposed to “mess with,” but my husband and I sure did. We came to it together because we’re a team like that. I don’t keep his man parts in my purse and he doesn’t require me to hold back and wait for him to do stuff. Guess I’m not a lady.

    Post # 42
    2379 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    View original reply
    @Mr. Coffee: I agree 100%. Thats the moment I’m most looking forward and I do believe I deserve it.


    View original reply
    @artichokey: That’s a great way of looking at it, I wouldn’t want my moment robbed so I’ll give him his.

    To be honest the thought of proposing to him NEVER crossed my mind. But I think as moderndaisy said by discussing it we are sort of proposing to eachother.

    Post # 43
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    It took Fiance almost 5 years to propose, so I might have considered this. But…

    1. I’m traditional.
    2. He’s surprisingly traditional. (one neat thing I’ve learned about him in all this wedding planning)
    3. I wouldn’t want to take the experience away from him
    4. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who wasn’t jumping at the chance to marry me. (same with ultimatums)

    But everyone is unique and I don’t discount relationships where girls propose or where it is a joint decision.

    Post # 45
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @Mr. Coffee – LOL Love it. An older married man once told me that women should leave it up to the guy to pick out the ring (unless he asks for advise), proposal, etc. Because this is their last shot to make a decision on their own without any input, because when you are married than it is all about what the women wants. Wink

    Post # 46
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    View original reply
    @ginandtonic: *BEEP BEEP BEEP* Let’s back the truck up… little more, little more… ok stop!

    First I was simply saying that regarding the proposal… a woman should not be wearing the… ummm, balls (hope its cool using that word). That in the area of an actual proposal, that the man be the one to do it.

    This is not to say that the man part (balls) is any more powerful or better in a way, shape or form then the lady part (notice me refraining from saying the word) 🙂

    When I reffered to man parts being placed in a ladies purse… it was meant if anything aa a comical way of approching and answering the question.

    I’m very happy that you and your husband are a team and no one individual can’t do something that the other can’t easily do as well. That’s cool. Nice to hear.

    However, in my realationship… I’m fully aware that there are MANY things that Miss Coffee is better at then I and vice versa. I like to think of it as a perfect balance or a natural combo – Like peanut butter and jelly.

    I was simply answering the posted question to the best of my ability… which usually involves some form of comic relief.

    So on that note… sorry if I offended you.

    Mr Coffee


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