(Closed) Why not propose to him?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you propose to him?

    Definitely not!

    Maybe, maybe not.

    Sure, why not?

  • Post # 47
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @Mr. Coffee: I kind of feel like ginandtonic does… I’m not offended by what you said, but personally it’s very important for me NOT to have that moment.  I do not want to be put up on a pedestal as a lady.  To me, it’s very important that major decisions in life don’t revolve around my gender or my partner’s but around us as individuals.

    A lot of people are more traditional, and that’s fine.  If people want that moment I would never want to tell them they shouldn’t have it just because it’s not right for me personally.  But I do think it goes a little far to say that you need to propose or need to do x or you’re being dismembered by your girl.  I feel like any guy who (metaphorically speaking) needs to prove he’s the one with the man-parts between his legs isn’t the guy for me.  It’s one thing to *want* that moment, it’s another to feel like you have to have it or you’re being emasculated – one question shouldn’t be the difference between feeling comfortable with your masculinity or not. 😉

    (and please don’t take this as an attack – I know you were joking, but it seems like this has come up with a lot of other bees saying they felt like their partners would feel that way as well.)

    Post # 48
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I guess I’m old fashioned but I believe in letting a man be a man and not taking every single thing away from him.  I think women are really impatient and controlling.  If I was a guy and my girlfriend proposed to me I’d walk away.  BUT that’s just my opinion.

    Post # 49
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @Entangled: Totally understand what your expressing and I think it’s important that you along with everybody else simply realize… I’m just one guy.

    I’m not on this site claiming to be the “VOICE OF MAN” (picture me standing on top of a mountain wearing a ripped t-shirt and sweating from my manly climb to the top).

    Far from it – I’m only giving you my thoughts on select topics that invite my opinion. As a man, I do not judge my power or influence on society simply by the measure of Danny Tanner, Mary Kate and Ashley (yes! I named them).

    My strength is truly measured by the woman standing next to me, my soul mate.

    That being said; if somebody puts up a post and invites my thoughts on if a woman should ask a man to marry her… I would have to say no. Now I understand that some of you may not agree with me on this one; guess what, that’s cool.

    I give my answer; not because I’m a MAN… but because in my heart I feel like that’s the right way to go with it. Personally, I’m sick and tired of the whole “I can do everything that a man can” attitude. Not because I disagree, but because most (key word – most) make that statement usually in reference to something that in fact… she wants to prove can be done better. Which to me… still sounds like a battle.

    I’m a realist – I understand that there’s a yin and yang, up and down, winner and loser. (AND PLEASE don’t take that last one to heart by reading into it). I basically saying that if two *people* arm wrestle… somebody has to win.

    I’m only going on this rant for future reference… at this point; it doesn’t even relate this topic. I just want everybody to know where I’m coming from. I’m not here to make waves… I’m here to learn!

    “I’m so excited, I’m so excited… I’m… soooo…. scared”! 

    Post # 50
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Hi Mr. Coffee,

    First off, I have no problem if you say the words “vagina” or “balls.” I’m not a granny. Actually, my granny would have no problem if you said those words either.

    Also, I’m not sure where in my post I said that my husband and I are a team because we’re equally good at everything. I am better at cooking and changing tires than him, he is better at fixing stuff and baking bread than me. I don’t think you were saying that men should propose beacuse they’re somehow better at it, either. I was pointing out that you were essentially saying that proposing was something a woman “shouldn’t” do, which is an entirely different idea than “able to do.”

    Women should be able to do whatever the hell they want. Men should be able to do whatever the hell they want (without worrying that they’re going to be henpecked or nagged…I’m assuming that’s what you meant by women keeping balls in their purses). It’s the 21st century for crying out loud. That is my point. If men want to propose, or a woman wants to be proposed to, that’s fantastic and lovely, and I think it’s a very nice tradition too, even though it didn’t fit for us. But if a woman wants to propose, what the heck is wrong with that?

    I bet I am going to get shouted down for being a humorless feminazi which is too bad because I generally think I have a pretty good sense of humor–I know you were trying to be funny Mr. Coffee but it just went a bit too far for me.

     

    Post # 51
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I voted no, because he would just chuckle and change the subject.  To him, it’s part of a man’s JOB to do that.  Not a right or a privilege, but a responsibility.  It was bad enough for him for me to say his timeline was a no-go (due to early menopause in my family – there is no way for me to have multiple kids after 30.)

    Post # 52
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    A proposal is a conditional agreement between two parties, it hinges on the yes or no response. The whole point of a proposal is that the man asked the woman for her hand.. she could either give her consent or say no. 

    In the Middle Ages there had been a large problem with men kidnapping widows and marrying them against their consent. One reason for the proposal is the fact that marriage is supposed to be between two consenting adults. The proposal/ engagement was a formal public announcement that two parties intended to be wed and if any impediments exist they be resolved before the wedding.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @Mr. Coffee:  I know you’re just one guy.  My guy didn’t care if he proposed or not – he wanted to do what would make me happy.  Lots of women want their guys to propose, and that’s just fine.

    My comment wasn’t inspired just by you or by you speaking from a guy’s perspective.  It was also a response to something a lot of the women replying said – that they wouldn’t want to take that “guy thing” away from their guy.  To me, there are no guy things or girl things, there are just things and you do what you want. 

    FWIW, I *can* do everything a man could do.  Except I have to sit down in the bathroom. (also, my fiance can beat me at arm wrestling, grrr)

    EDIT – and I really hope I’m not coming off as angry or humorless about this!  I think it’s cool to do what you want, I just don’t like the implication that I’m a harpy or emasculating my guy because I’m a feminist or a tomboy. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

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    @ginandtonic: First! I think your grandma and my grandma would have gotten along very well 🙂

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I tried it and he wouldn’t answer.  He said he wanted to ask me.

    Post # 56
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    View original reply
    @ginandtonic: Agreed!  I think some men are so insecure about things like this!

    Post # 57
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @Mr. Coffee: Realy great points. And thank you SO much for the Jesse Spanno reference…made my day!

    Post # 59
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    My mom asked my dad to marry her, then they got married…. and are still together 30 years later!

    Post # 60
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @ Mr. Coffee

    I’m sorry, this is SO rubbing me the wrong way:

    “Personally, I’m sick and tired of the whole “I can do everything that a man can” attitude. Not because I disagree, but because most (key word – most) make that statement usually in reference to something that in fact… she wants to prove can be done better. Which to me… still sounds like a battle.”

    Most women who adopt that “I can do anything” attitude, in fact, do so not to “emasculate” men but because men have told them they CANNOT do things as well. So then women try to do “just as good as a man could” and then you are telling them they’re “making things into a battle”?  Wow, women really can’t win sometimes!

    I hear what you are saying but I think you need to try to be more respectful of all the times when women do get the attitude that they can’t compete – don’t make it worse by saying they shouldn’t even TRY to compete.

    Post # 61
    Member
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @Mr. Coffee: Excellent Saved by the Bell quote! That just made my day. ; )

     

    View original reply
    @WifeofBath: Exactly. He can ask but I still have to say ‘yes.’ I think the traditional proposal acutally puts more control in the hands of the lady. She can say no! He’s putting himself out there and she doesn’t have to agree. Maybe that would be different if it were 1880 and the man had already agreed with her father and her role in the marriage was willing, obediant servant, but that’s really not the case here. He’s going to ask me in a traditional way, but we reached a conclusion together that we were ready for it, talked about timelines and budgets, and I know it’s happening. I’ve been completely involved in the development of my future so at this point, so I don’t think letting him ask can really be considered a one-sided decision on his part.

    The topic ‘Why not propose to him?’ is closed to new replies.

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