Post # 1
Venting time needed.
All throughout my wedding planning process I have not asked any members of my bridal party to do a single thing except pay for a dress that they decided upon. I have done numerous DIY projects and such all by myself since then. I LOVE doing DIY projects…it’s like my therapy. I thoroughly enjoy doing them by myself and hadn’t planned to ask for help whatsoever. Almost every time I see my friends/bridesmaids they ALWAYS complain that they don’t feel included because I never ask them to help with anything. I explained to them that I didn’t want to burden them with anything. They ALL insisted that they wanted to help and practically begged me to have them help with something.
My invites are all set to go out, I just need to put a few finishing touches on them and add stamps to the RSVP cards and invites. Our guest list has skyrocketed so we now have a TON of invites that have to go out like yesterday. I started to feel very overwhelmed, especially because Fiance has to work alllll weekend. I sent a group text message and an e-mail (to ensure they got it) to all the girls saying exactly this:
“Hey guys! Our invites are set to go out soon, and it would be great if anyone is free and could come over to help out. I will even cook you dinner and supply you with good wine! If you can’t make it I understand – just let me know either way.”
It’s been days now and NO reply. From anyone.
I don’t get it – If you have no intentions on helping the bride, then why offer at all?!? Why would you badger and beg the bride to give you something to help with and then just flake out when an occassion to help the bride presents itself? I mean, I was never even going to ask my BM’s to help with anything because I didn’t expect that out of them. THEY were getting upset with me for not asking!! It makes no sense.
Post # 3
THANK YOU! I feel the same way! Future Mother-In-Law begged me to give her a list of things to do and things that need to be bought. So I did. She decided not to do anything!
Its fine if people don’t want to help, but don’t come to me saying you want to. I’d rather you just keep your mouth shut! I think when people know you’re planning a wedding, they don’t know what else to say besides “how’s the wedding planning?” and “If you need help, let me know!”
Post # 4
Garg! Want me to come over and kick them all? I don’t think people do it on purpose, most have good intentions, but it can be annoying!
Post # 5
Some people just offer to help with good intentions but dont actually expect to really be asked to do anything. I think its a normal part of any event planning.
Post # 6
I would be super annoyed that none of them even bothered to respond even if the answer was no they stil could have responded to you. How rude!
Post # 7
Seriously, I don’t even want to ask for help, I just did it to be nice and make them feel included since they kept whining about it. It will suck and it will take me a loooong time to do my invites, but I can absolutely do them by myself! I feel so stupid for even asking. I should have known better!! 😛
Post # 8
Some people do offer to help just to sound like the people we want them to be.
It depends on when you sent this email. If it is considered last minute by them, and they already have plans for the weekend and are uncomfortable responding “no” , they may be avoiding answering your email.
Post # 9
I’m scared to ask anyone for help… I asked them to buy their dresses months ago and I ended up buying one and 2 of my girls got theirs this week and my other sister won’t even return my calls about buying hers… If I asked for help they would probably think I’m asking the world of them lol.
Post # 10
To play devil’s advocate, I’d say maybe it’s the late notice. I know I would feel kinda bad/awkward if I offered (generally) to help someone and then when they asked me to help to be like, no I can’t because I have weekend plans. Usually my weekend plans are pretty set during the week.
Post # 11
It’s kind of rude that they didn’t even respond at all. I would text them again and ask if anyone actually got the TM lol.
Post # 12
Well, for what it’s worth, I would have said yes even to the drudgery of stamping invitations in exchange for dinner and wine 🙂 There’s not much I WOULDN’T do if it meant someone else was feeding and boozing me!
Post # 13
@PinkFlemingo: I know, right?!? My bribery plan was FOILED
Post # 14
I totally know what you are going through. My bridesmaids have complained that they do not feel included as well. I finally asked one of them do help me out and go check out this hotel for me (I live in NC and am getting married is WA). The hotel is, no joke, 1 mile from my bridesmaids work. She said she would go, we agreed on an appt time, I made the appt. Then the hotel lady called and said she never came and didn’t answer her phone when the hotel called or return the message. I asked my friend about it and she won’t answer as to why she never went. She didn’t even apologize for missing it. At this point I would rather do things myself at least I know they will get done. My Future Mother-In-Law also complained to my fiance about not getting to be involved. I asked her if she wanted to help and she told me that she had not interest in helping! At this point I will just do everything solo, it appears to be much easier!
Post # 15
(Disclaimer: I didn’t have a wedding party. I have been in multiple weddings.)
I think many BMs like the “idea” of helping, but not the actual work. They’ve said all the right things, in their minds — offers to help, asking you how projects are going, acting offended that they weren’t included — but frankly, actions speak louder than words.
Also, maybe by “help” they really meant “give input and sway the bride to their opinion by looking at gowns or eating cake”? In other words, they were associating helping with only the “fun” stuff, not the real lick-stamp-repeat that we all know comes part and parcel with planning an event. How many of them have been brides recently?
I’ve stated before that I don’t think BMs should be required to do more than show up, but in polite society, an offer to help is an offer to help. They offered, so they should help!
I hope you get your invites all set — drink the wine you would’ve poured for them, pop in the SATC movie, and crank out those envelopes! 😀
Post # 16
“I think many BMs like the “idea” of helping, but not the actual work.”
“drink the wine you would’ve poured for them, pop in the SATC movie, and crank out those envelopes!”
Dude, that was my exact idea. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!