Why people complain their SO was 'stolen'

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
1536 posts
Bumble bee

Is there some limited bucket of blame that I’m not aware of? Cheaters are scum and the people who partake in the homewrecking by sleeping/dating/parading around with said cheater knowingly are just as much.

Post # 32
4498 posts
Honey bee

Yeah, I’m not sure your definition really hits the mark there.  Maybe if a relationship ended without cheating, but no one I knows uses your definition or thinks of it that way.

People say their SO was “stolen” because it’s easier than admitting the truth.  It’s as simple as that.  It’s easier than admitting your relationship was shit or wasn’t as good as you thought or you were living a lie.  Or admitting that your SO found someone more attractive than you.  Or admitting that you picked a lying, cheating asshole and got duped.  Or admitting that your SO willingly betrayed you.  Or whatever applies to your situation.

People will say anything to not have to actually be honest with themselves and face the brutal truth.  This applies to any hundreds of lies we tell ourselves every day to make ourselves feel better.  It’s always easier to blame external factors than internal ones.

Post # 33
322 posts
Helper bee

chocolateplease :  the people who partake in the homewrecking did not exchange vows.

If a spouse can only stay faithful as long as there’s nobody to “parade around with” or to “manipulate them”, well, he/she is to blame. Homewreckers are those who don’t respect their own families, vows and homes. It’s not like “oh, if that whore hadn’t been around, there would still be a perfect family now”.

Post # 34
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’ve been on both sides of this situation.

When I started dating my ex, he told me his marriage was over, they were sleeping in seperate rooms (which was true) and that they were only still married because of the kids. Yes, I was young and stupid and madly in love. I should have known that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. But I don’t feel guilty. He made it VERY clear he was available and within about 4 months told his family about our relationship – his wife filed for divorce soon after. It wasn’t my job to protect or save his marriage. I didn’t set out to steal him – we met, became friends and both became interested. It’s not like I chained him up and made him love me.

When he ended up cheating on me, the only reason I wasn’t just mad at him but also at the woman involved was because (I thought) she was a friend and my idea of loyalty includes not going after my friends’ partners. But in the end it was him who felt the grass was greener somewhere else. Fat lot of good it did him. Him cheating on me and she being a horrible friend is pretty much the best thing that could have happened to me.

Post # 35
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I wouldn’t say they’re a “better fit,” I’d say they’re selfish, cheating assholes. But as far as the “stolen” part, it’s just a phrase, just one of those things people say, not a big deal. It’s just a word. A word is definitely irrelevant if you’re actually in the situation. 

Post # 36
101 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve seen so many excuses from the other person that the SO was miserable in their relationship, never mentioned the other relationship and all that. It’s even in this thread. In those situation, I feel the blame should still be put on the SO as literally anyone can be interested in anyone. We’re not mind readers, we don’t know if someone is taken (minus having a ring on). The SO has the power to put a stop to things or make it clear they are not interested.

Sure there are people who won’t take no for an answer or see it as a challenge, but bottom line is, SO does not have to go along with it or encourage it. Hence why SO is the blame here.

No one is “stolen”, more like allowed themselves to be taken.

Post # 37
387 posts
Helper bee

I don’t like when people say “he/she stole my SO from me” because it takes blame off of the cheater and puts it entirely on the person they cheated with. It basically gives the cheater a pass and makes them the victim, which is BS. No one can “steal” someone who doesn’t want to leave. 

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