(Closed) “why ruin a good thing with marriage”

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

I’ve heard both sides of it. Some people saying they want marriage and looking down on those who decide not to, and then those who decide not to, looking down on those who want to get married. It sounds like a lot of flag waving to me (or even Dr. Suess’ butter side up/butter side down battle). To each their own…no one’s better because of the lifestyle they choose, and no minority or majority of opinion is better either.

This came up on Offbeat bride too…

http://offbeatbride.com/2008/01/commitment-without-the-marriage

Oh, and to answer your question 🙂 …not really. I know two couples who aren’t going to get married, but they aren’t like "my decision is better than yours". It’s simply a personal choice.

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

No, mostly people are just amazed that my Fiance is actually getting married.  He was the perrenial bachelor.

Post # 5
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

uuummm… i used to think marriage wasnt for me, until i met Mr.Shoes – but i never thought marriage "ruined" a good thing or vice versa

i dont think being married makes one better than those who choose not to get married – it’s a personal choice

Post # 6
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I have not had anyone say that!  Although I have had a couple guys at work tell me about their crazy long engagements – apparently their women just won’t set a date or keep postponing.  One asked me:  Why did she say Yes if she didn’t really want to get married?  Its hard to tell if people like your coworkers really disapprove of marriage, or just feel bad about their own situation (unmarried or bad marriage).  Maybe they just want to know how it all worked out so good for you, and figure out how to get some of that for themselves.

Most of my friends are shocked that I would ever get married, as I have been travelling career woman for as long as they have known me.  My Fiance, who is divorced 5 years, is a totally marrying kind of guy.

Post # 7
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

the only person who said something to me to that effect was divorced and (in my opinion) bitter, so i just brushed it off. i’ve had more of the "why spend all that money on a wedding when you could do XX (insert flashy item, house, retirement, etc. here)." to each his own.

Post # 8
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

No one has told me that either. And my boss at my NEW JOB (yes, I changed jobs since the whole nasty "engagement ring too big" story but I digress… ) my boss and his S.O. have been living together for 20 years. They don’t feel the need to get married but are certainly happy for me and my decision.

Everyone’s right. To each their own. It’s a personal decision.

Post # 9
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I know how you feel unfortunately!

On more than one occasion I’ve had bitter people stop by my desk and say that I should read their divorce papers before even thinking about getting married…multiple times….

I’ve only worked here a few months, so it seems weird to me that people are being that forawrd about that kind of stuff!

oh well, to each his own…

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

yeah unfortunately i have experienced this too! i met a woman for the first time at a work function & by the end of the night (after she knew i was engaged), i knew about her "no-good" husband, her work affair, and their 2 kids. oh and how she planned to start divorce proceedings within the year. and shes not even 30. then she introed me to another woman there who was recently divorced & it was just a huge marriage- bashing event. who are these people??

Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

It always amazes me that people feel it is okay to force their opinions on others . . . I experienced this too, at work.  A female co-worker told me to keep the LDR as it was and only see each other on weekends, we’d be much happier in the long run.  Is it no surprise that she was divorced, more than once?  I don’t know.  Anyway, like a duck in water let it all just roll of your back . . . is that how the saying goes?  You all know what I mean.  I feel sorry for people who are that unhappy . . . and jealous when they see a good thing.  I say talk about your wedding and upcoming nuptials with gusto and all the joy you are feeling!

Post # 13
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Just the other day one of our clients made a comment out of the blue to one of my coworkers that she should never get married, it’s the worst thing ever, waste of time, blah blah blah. When she told me this I was not surprised because I knew his story. He’s currently going through a divorce and get this… his soon to be ex-wife works for the same company as me! I looked her up on our intranet. I don’t know if he was hoping we’d pass on that message to her. I think people should keep comments like that to themselves. I’m sorry some people get married and end up in a bad divorce but they shouldn’t tell you what to do with your life. Maybe marriage isn’t for everyone and that’s ok.
I did have a coworker that by their comments made it seem like I was making the wrong choice. I simply told that person thank you for your opinion but this is what I want to do. Hey! If my parents (who were VERY strict parents ’til I was about 20) are ok with this marriage then that’s all the support I need.

Post # 14
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

In order to counteract all the negativity, is there a couple you could talk to that would be an advocate for marriage? I personally have several older couples I know (particularly from church) who have been married a long time and have been through a lot together who think that marriage is the greatest thing in the world. A lot of our generation didn’t grow up with our parents being good role models for marriage (I know I didn’t), so it’s nice to talk to couples who have really gone in for the long haul and take their marriage very seriously.

At the very least, you would get a different viewpoint!

Post # 15
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I feel like that is jealousy talking -at least in my experience.  IGNORE them.  I have always been genuinely happy for friends/acquaintances who become engaged, so I kinda expected the same in return.  Yeah, no.  (Bitter much?)

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The funny thing is, if you want to find vehemently pro-marriage people, just check out the gay couples you know.  We have become all too aware of the importance of marriage, as we have historically been unable to participate at all, and still do not receive the full legal protections of marriage.

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