Post # 1
Ok, so a friend of mine met her guy, was engaged less than 4 months later, and married 4 months after that. They weren’t friends first, they literally met 1 month before they started dating. She is 25.
When people approach her out of concern that she rushed into it, she gives the “I found the love of my life, my prince charming, the godly husband I have been searching for” kind of answer.
I just hit the 4 yr mark with my FI. While I know waiting this long is not for everyone, I, along with most of our mutual friends, think while dating you will encounter milestones that will test your relationship and you will question or discover if you want to be with this person forever. For me, i’m in the “honeymoon” phase the first few months. Of course I want to be with this person forever in those months. But a year later shit starts hitting the fan and he farts on you and quits shutting the door when he pees, etc. Things that in the first 4 months would make you say…”uh..this guy is really weird and gross.” but in year 2 you just roll your eyes at.
I don’t doubt that this guy is an amazing man. I dont doubt they are in love. I know plenty of people who get engaged in 6 months, in fact my parents did it, but they had a longer engagement. They are happily together to this day.
I am not discounting any of you who have chosen to do this. I am not making fun or trying to belittle. I am actually asking your opinion and am trying to understand why you chose to do this. I guess, what is the rush? I want to better understand this girl. Have any of you bees done this, or are in the process of going through a short dating/engagement experience and why…or do others think this is also rushing?
Post # 2
It’s almost inexplicable. Like just knowing you are pregnant. Women’s intuition can be very strong. I listened to mine when it said, “this guy is a loser” and when it said, ” this is the one you should marry”.
Post # 3
texaslemon: I guess you could flip it around and say ‘Why wait?’; if you’ve found ‘the one’, why not get married after a few months? I think different people see things differently.
FWIW though I’m with you: I would want to be well out of the honeymoon period before making such a big commitment, and for me and DH that honeymoon period lasted 2/2.5 years. We’ve now been together nearly 9 years, and we’ve had our ups and downs, the 5 year and 7 year marks standing out as being particularly testing. I’m glad that we’ve married after going through those difficult periods a day knowing that our relationship has ‘survived’ and is even stronger.
That said, I don’t think getting married earlier would have changed much; we’d still have gone through those periods, just as a married rather than unmarried couple.
Post # 4
Four months is quick but I think many people who found love and got married shortly after meeting could make the argument “why wait?” I met my SO a year and a half ago and knew he was the one for me. If it weren’t for logistics and such we would have been married months ago.
Post # 5
texaslemon: I wouldn’t spend too much time worrying about it, it’s not your life. I feel bad for your friend constantly being judged.
At first though I think, yea that’s fast… but I have no idea what their relationship is like. I moved in with my FI after 3 months… and we didn’t know eachother before we started dating. I suppose that’s fast to most… but for us it worked. I’m happy, he’s happy and it just worked. I only had one ‘friend’ judge us… we’re no longer friends. She came across petty, judgemental and frankly a little jealous. Not someone I wanted in my life. Everyone else was great and completely supportive.
Time is relative. I was with my ex for 4 years. I knew more about my FI and knew we were right for eachother after a couple months. I know it’s cliche, but sometimes when you know, you just know. If people don’t understand that it’s because they haven’t felt it. Some people take time to ‘know’ whereas others just feel it instantly. It’s not better, or worse… just different.
You say, why rush? Well… why wait? Different perspective.
Post # 6
Maybe they weren’t rushing, maybe they were moving at the right pace for them.
Post # 7
My DH and I met online…and this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous to some, but before we even met, we both thought to ourselves that the other person was the one we would married. We never said anything to each other until of course dating a few months, but we always knew. We got married on our 5 year dating aniversary after living together for 4 years, because that’s what worked for us. We wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves and was engaged for a couple years in order to achieve that.
Honestly, every couple is different. Some relationships move faster than others, some like to move things slow…What matters is what works for the couple and their feelings towards each other.
Post # 8
Yeah I think its unwise to be engaged after 4 months of knowing someone for sure. People can hide their true colors easily for that long- I think its wise to see the guy stressed, angry, hurt etc and see how he reacts and treats people in life’s tougher situations past the warm and fuzzy first few months.
Post # 9
To each their own. My husband and I moved in together after less than 2 months of dating because it just felt right. The two people that are in the relationship are the only ones that will fully understand it, so I think it’s easier just to enjoy your own relationship and not worry about others.
Post # 10
texaslemon: Side note: We’ve been together for 4 years and we still shut the bathroom door. I’m not saying that nothing gross ever happens. FI is becoming a doctor so bodily conversations come up lol. But I think, with just a very little pinch of effort, we can keep a little romance, a little mystery- mystery of what happens in the bathroom! ha. Of course, depends what does it for you, but I think this is something good for our relationship. Just thought I’d share that it’s possible.
Post # 11
MrsBuesleBee: I agree with this statement completely. My friend asked her once how they handle conflict. Kind of a weird question, I don’t think I would know how to answer that, but she responded with “Oh we don’t argue, we’re Christian people.” I have nothing against people who have strong faith and use that in the foundation for their relationship, but that answer blew my mind. Everyone argues at SOME point. If you don’t know how your significant other handles conflict, that could be a huge surprise down the road.
Ryansgirl: My FI met in HS and got to know eachother online because we went to school in different states. We knew pretty soon we were perfect for eachother, but we both knew from past relationships only time would tell if we were still going to like eachother 3 or 4 years down the road lol.
People change, people grow. People have habits that drive eachother nuts that you don’t see until months or years in. But if you know most of these things within months, why not? Whether you’re dating or your married, these things will happen. I guess I just see it as marriage is a huge commitment and it take a whole lot more to get out of.
Post # 12
nawella: There is tons of mystery. I still shut the door for sure. I still get embarrassed by some things. We talk about EVERYTHING, but I don’t let him know every little detail about things that don’t concern him, if you know what I mean. But guys tend to be a little more care free in that aspect, from my experience.
Post # 13
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
texaslemon: I don’t trust myself or anyone else in the honeymoon phase. Romantic love is a drug and we’ve all seen other people do stupid crap when they’re riding that high. Of course some people who commit early have marriages that work out, which is great. Some relationships start amazing and continue well…but most don’t, so why commit at “OMG it’s like we’ve known each other forever! Meant 2B!”, you’ll enjoy it anyway. Much better to see how you get on later with his morning breath and your annoying habit of humming off key.
Post # 14
I think it has a lot to do with your view on marriage. There are lots of cultures who still have arranged marriages, and they meet their spouse sometimes on the very day they get married. The difference, I think, is that a lot of those people view it as they will do whatever they need to do to make thir marriage work. That means growing together, accepting things that aren’t perfect, and maybe having what they would argue is a more realistic and less romantic view on love.
My point is that people have different view on love and marriage, so while for you waiting is what works, that doesn’t mean it works for everyone. No one is right or wrong, necessarily.
Post # 15
texaslemon: Others have had good responses, but I just wanted to say I know a couple like this and now that they’ve been married a year they seem to be really struggling. I understand when you know you know, but I agree that having some hard moments and life changing situations can really make or break a relationship. The couple I know never had to go through anything together, and now that life isn’t rainbows and butterflies they seem to be having a really hard time coping. I think knowing how to work through the bad stuff is really important, and even a relationship that was “destined” or they are “soul mates” can be ruined by rushing and not knowing how to work through stuff together. I don’t think my husband and I are better than the other couple or a stronger match necessarily, but we went through some ish before saying “I do”, and I think it makes a difference in how we look at each other through the hard times. Just my two cents!