(Closed) Why should I have to wear a band if I don't have a set?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Should I continue wearing band
    Yes it's disrespectful not to : (23 votes)
    47 %
    No it should be up to you and your feelings : (18 votes)
    37 %
    Another option? : (8 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    4655 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    he sounds like he’s not really listening to your feelings either.

    if you really don’t want to wear one then don’t. but i think it would be better to see if you two could go pick out a set together, and wear the set.

    Post # 4
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    What about getting a ring to match the band as a 1year anniversary present. It will be the perfect opportunity and you won’t have to question the ring or be sad over it. It would be meaningful and represent a milestone in your relationship.

    Post # 5
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    First, hugs! I didn’t have either for my first marriage…of six years. We were very young, new parents, and just paying the bills was difficult. It didn’t bother me at all, because I knew he loved me and vice versa. We had nothing to prove! You don’t either. Although, I can understand how it could still be disappointing. It doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t or can’t happen later, however. I love the anniversary idea! Also, guys don’t always understand, but they can learn! =P

    Post # 6
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I agree with @miss-stacie-2013.  A one year anniversary upgrade sounds like a good idea.

    Post # 7
    764 posts
    Busy bee

    @Jennisk: A ring is the LEAST of your problems.  You were so thirsty to get married you let it happen any kind of way and its obvious you still harbor resentment that he didn’t step up and create your romantic fantasy.   Now to retaliate you refuse to wear a band he was guilted into buying???   The only resolution truly is to start keeping it real with YOURSELF.  

    First you sy should agree that it’s “too late” for an engagement ring and then say you want some type of jewelry. .  Well I’m calling BS.  You do want an engagement ring and its never to late for someone to step up and fulfill your wishes. Men don’t take hints. Tell him you want a bridal set for an anniversary or gift giving holiday and in the meantime put your ring on. 

    Post # 10
    295 posts
    Helper bee

    @blingbling:  +1!

    IMO: If you have to “beg” for a ring it won’t have the same romantic value. Hope he gets the hint when you talk about an anniversary gift but I’m not sure. I’ve been married before and your story sounds so familiar… 


    Post # 11
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Blingbling makes a good point. You obviously do want a ring. What you need to do at this point is decide if you are happy with your marraige. Your husband is bored of the arguement because he doesn’t see a way for it to end. There is nothing he can do which will undo your hurt. If you’re otherwise happy in your marraige you need to let go of that hurt, tell him what he can do to make it up to you. Don’t think he “should” know just because you know! 

    I have this type of arguement with my husband all the time. We’ve tried to resolve it by me being straight with him all the time. it’s working. 

    He was late home, playing video games with his guy friends, the one night out of a week I would get to see him because of work. He forgot we had made plans. When he got in I didn’t sulk or make him guess, I told him “I am angry with you for forgetting our one night together this week, I think of you and remember, when you don’t it makes me feel less important. I want you to make it up to me by arranging a replacement evening and putting it in your phone”. He did. I felt better because I accepted that his mind sees things differently to mine and as long as he tries (by setting reminders when he knows his memory is bad for example) I know it’s not because he doesn’t love me as much. 

    Not all men can live up to the romantic fantasy men in books but it doesn’t make them bad if they are otherwise great guys. Relationships are like sex! It’s ok to tell someone what you want or need, the fact they’re willing to do that for you is worth as much as them guessing what you wanted in the first place!

    Post # 12
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    the ring seems like a metaphor for a much deeper issue going on here–you seem to have a lot of resentment about your engagement and how you ended up getting married. either your husband was disregarding and disrespectful of your feelings, or you haven’t figured out how to communicate your desires and needs to him effectively so he’s oblivious to what an engagement ring meant to you

    Post # 13
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I didn’t read all of the comments because I’m lazy.. But first of all, it is a shame you are obviously not happy about how the marriage happened.  There was no proposal, no ring, etc.  You can’t go back and change what happened.  You can only move forward.  With that said, do you think there may be some underlying issues that you think need to be out in the open?  Have you considered counseling?  The issues may not be that deep but it’s worth a shot.

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