(Closed) Why so many of us marry the wrong person

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

only 30%? that means that 70% of women who get divorced are CONVINCEd on their wedding day that they are marrying The One. interesting.

Post # 4
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

I know someone who married the wrong person just because they’d been together for so long and had a life built together and even though he’s emotionally abusive to a degree and she doesn’t love him, she felt bad her parent’s paid for the wedding and she didn’t want to let them down or her husband. :/ 

Post # 7
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was in a hurry when I first posted, so to expand on my thoughts… I personally think there is a lot more to marriage than finding “the one.” As I mentioned above, clearly, lots of people who are SURE they have found “the one” do end up getting divorced.

I think that if there are warning signs (eg, someone knows they shouldn’t be marrying the other person,) then of course the marriage is much more likely to not succeed. BUT, even if someone doesn’t have doubts, that is absolutely no guarantee that it will last! I think the key ingredient in any marriage is hard work. You won’t always “feel like” loving the other person. Perhaps that’s what happened to the 70%… they were sure they had “the one,” so when hard times happend they were like, “wth? I must have been wrong.” and leave.

Post # 8
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

To everything that was said here, I say: YIIIIKES!!! This is scary …the stats are staggering….eeeek!

 To Joy: I understand you completely…and agree in the interesting point you make

Post # 9
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

@red_rose: I definitely agree with this. I believe that any marriage can last if both people are dedicated to growing together and making it work. It’s about satisfying each other’s needs and communicating them. Not all marriages should stay together, especially when there is abuse, but I think a lot of people get annoyed when things don’t go how they want and when people change, but people are always changing and growing. It’s about learning how to grow as individuals, and also have the relationship grow at the same time and make sure you’re on the same page. It’s a lot of work sometimes, but worth it 🙂 Some times definitely take more work than others, though. I think some people expect things to just stay the same and for growing together to happen naturally and then they realize that they haven’t and they just give up instead of putting in the effort to reconnect. 

I think a lot of people end up marrying the wrong person because of excuses they make or because they’re very passionately attracted, but not that compatible. They think that they’re “the one” but then once the initial horomones are gone, they realize how incompatible they are and instead of trying to work through it, they’d rather leave and try to find “the real one.”

Post # 10
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

The worst part, is when you have a child with the wrong person.  I don’t know which is worse.  The only person to blame is myself. 

Post # 11
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

@luvalways86: I believe everything happens for a reason. One of my friend’s first child has a meth addict for a dad, but she’s still an amazing kid and her stepdad is an amazing dad to her. I know that my friend is so glad to have her first daughter and it’s worth having to deal with her dad every once in awhile. 

I think it’s better to look as it as a blessing to come out of a bad situation. The child is still yours even if their dad is a bad person. And it complicates things, but once you find the right person, they’ll step up and help be a good parent to the child. 🙂 I know it doesn’t always work out that way and it’s hard, but things happen that you don’t want, but life is like that. Just try to focus on the silver lining.

Post # 12
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@luvalways86: as a child of dovorced parents I agree with you whole heartedly…however…

@glittermoon: as a daughter of a divorced mom….I agree with you. My mom always says she woulda traded anything for me and she is glad she was paired up with my dad because now she has us kids:)

It’s a tough thing….marriage is a challange on it’s own…as well as having children…let alone when it’s with the wrong person!

Post # 13
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I completely agree, my son was such a BLESSING.  Would not change having him, just wish I could change who I had him with.  That’s why it’s important to teach your kids to not live in the “now” and to always think about the future.  Don’t be with someone if you could not see forever with them, or seeing yourself have a child with them.  I knew when I dated my ex that he was SO not my type.  That’s when I should have RAN away!!  But having my son has made me a better person, and I never thought I could love someone so much. 

Post # 14
Hostess
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

We’ve dated for so long I don’t want to waste all the time we have invested in the relationship.

That is a doozy for sure!

Both my Fiance and I were previously engaged so I can see how it can easily happen, getting swept up in the idea and convincing that marriage is the next step. While I said yes I knew that I would never marry my ex and didn’t really proceed with wedding planning. It was a flawed relationship to say the least.


Post # 15
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

@LoveliestLove: &&even if you never find someone else to be with, like my mom, I know she loves us and is really glad that she has her children even if she’s no longer with the dad and hasn’t found ‘the right’ guy. 

 

Post # 16
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This saying is beyond true: It is better to go home alone then wishing you were home alone

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