- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I’ve been lurking for a long time and finally decided to post because I really need some outside perspective.
I got engaged a week ago (yay!) and was so excited and just full of happiness, but now I’m starting to get overwhelmed with how certain people are ‘spreading’ the news.
My fiance’s brother’s girlfriend is one of those people. We’re not super close as we don’t spend a lot of time together, but we get along really well. She is such a nice girl and I’m the first person to say how sweet she is (or so I thought).
We were recently talking (a couple of weeks before the engagement) and we both realized that she lives down the street from someone we both know (the person happens to be my ex’s best friend… lets call him P). We had a laugh about how small the world is (because her and I have never met before). And I asked her not to bring up my name when she hangs out with P because I don’t feel like it’s any of his business to know what’s going on in my life (as the news would obviously be passed on to the ex – who she said she doesn’t know). She told me that she never really sees him and he always invites her to get-togethers but she never goes because she doesn’t like hanging out with him that much.
Fast forward to a few days ago. She texts me and tells me “I’m going to hang out with my friend P tonight and I’m going to tell him how you’re engaged to my boyfriend’s brother.” I wasn’t sure why she was bringing this up but my reply to her was to please not mention it as I probably wouldn’t ever see him again in my life and it’s really unnecessary to bring me up in the conversation (P and I haven’t seen eachother in over two years and were never friends other than when I was with my ex – he also doesn’t know that I know this girl so I don’t even understand why this would be a topic of discussion between them).
Her: oh well I just want to see what he says.
Me: I’d rather you didn’t.
Her: How come. 🙁 You will see him again when [her boyfriend] and I get married.
Me: It’s not about seeing P, I have no issues with him. But not everyone needs to know what goes on in my life.
Her: I just don’t understand why because it’s exciting that you have found an amazing guy.
She then proceeded to tell me how her and P have known each other since they were 4 and how great of a friend he has been to her. She told me how he stops by all the time and that she remembers playing with my ex when they were both children.
Here’s my problem:
Why would she feel the need to tell someone who I didn’t want to tell? Why is she being so pushy after I asked her nicely not to even bring up my name, let alone my engagement? I couldn’t imagine someone asking me twice and me pressing the issue. I would say “yes, of course” the first time I was asked, so this is strange to me. She also contradicted herself when she first told me she doesn’t like hanging out with P and that she doesn’t know my ex. But then suddenly P is such a great friend who she sees all the time, and remembers hanging out with my ex? I thought that maybe it’s because her boyfriend was with us at the time, so she said she doesn’t hang out with P but I’m not sure.
I’d also like to point out that if I saw P somewhere, I’d say hello and be more than happy to share the news if, say, he noticed my ring and asked about it. But this is just weird!! My ex and I have not talked or seen each other since the break up (the break up wasn’t a bad one). He has moved on and so have I. I haven’t seen P since before the last time I saw my ex, and my ex was the only connection between P and I. I don’t feel the need to share my happiness with everyone from my past… especially when they’re not going to be a part of my future. It’s just unnecessary.
One of my friends thinks that she is just trying to rain on my parade a little bit because she’s frustrated about her boyfriend not proposing to her (they’ve been together for two years while my fiance and I have been together for just over a year). But I don’t want to think that. I know her and her boyfriend are solid and will get engaged eventually – he just might have some commitment issues at the moment.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble but I couldn’t help but want other bee’s opinions on this! Am I overreacting? Should I just ignore it? Should I confront her?
Thank you so much!