Post # 1
I know there are multiple threads on here about strip clubs. Can someone just explain them to me?
Why do I feel so insecure when the topic comes up with FI?
I feel like if he goes to a strip club, I’m not enough. I feel like I don’t do it for him if he needs to pay strange women to see their tits.
I just don’t understand the whole experience. I know it’s a personal insecurity. I am just trying to get some other opinions/experiences/ideas on the whole stripper thing.
Post # 3
I can’t really answer your questions– but I feel the same. Strip clubs squick me out. I’m just, like, WHY??
I think they are a thing from a past era that has survived for various semi-unsavory reasons. I guess in American culture (I don’t know if you are indeed in America, but I am) they’re taboo and maybe that has something to do with the attraction they have for some people. If your Fiance likes the idea of them, I don’t blame you for feeling insecure when the subject comes up– they seem like a automatic venue for cheating or semi-cheating to me. I wouldn’t want my SO going to such a place and having strange women flaunting their bodies in his face and writhing all over him– blaahh! That’s just gross. Or-goodness forbid– actually having sex!!! =O
The thing is– they are an apparently somewhat acceptable part of life in other countries– for example, in Quebec, Canada, where one sees them basically everywhere. I like the way sex is not a hidden thing in QC– it’s great to be culturally open about something that’s such a big part of people’s lives– but strip clubs just seem to me to be kinda sleazy. To put it mildly– I don’t want to fully express how I feel about strip clubs in general because I think I’ll probably get some crap for what I have already said. . . I’m absolutely not TRYING to offend anyone, and believe that everyone has their own preferences, and that’s fine as long as it doesn’t really hurt anyone else. . . just my opinions here!
Post # 4
I feel the same way, and I don’t think its necessarily an insecurity. I think it would be inappropriate of me or my Fiance to seek out and actively lust after another, touch another, picture ourselves having sex with another… etc. I know it’s easier said than done, but if it makes you uncomfortable, you deserve to have your feelings respected in the same way (I imagine) that you would respect FI’s wishes. Do not feel badly about yourself for having normal feelings. Good luck!
Post # 5
i dont think there is anything wrong with strip clubs…. I think it’s alright for the men to have fun once in a while. I’ve known plenty of strippers- and trust me- they are not interested in your man, just in their money. My own Fiance doesn’t like to go to strip clubs- but that’s because he knows they just want his money. I also don’t mind my man looking at porn and I don’t think they are really any different. It’s ok to have fantasies- as long as you don’t act on them to ruin a bond/relationship. But then again, everyone is different…
Post # 6
I think that anyone who has a fear of strip clubs should go to a strip club to see what it’s like first-hand. It might be worse, much better, or exactly as you imagined. But until you see it with your own two eyes, you’ll always assume.
I can tell you from my own personal experience that my opinion and feelings about strip clubs changed dramatically once I went to one (okay two) with my fiance. And we were in New Orleans which is much wilder than here in Cbus.
It wasn’t a big deal. I’m now fine with him going, and it made me a little anxious before.
Post # 7
@KristenGotMarried: you’re 100% right. This is great advice!
Post # 8
Well, THIS will start a healthy debate!
What’s the appeal of strip clubs, for men? Watching a naked woman dance provocatively in their face. Maybe having them grind up on them in a lapdance. That’s the appeal.
I dont’ think that it makes you insecure to be bothered by them. I do think that it’s not a matter of “you vs. strippers” or you not being “enough” for your man–especially because, and I’m sorry to say it, but there is not a single woman in your man’s life that he has not had at least a fleeting sexual thought about (and yes, that includes his mother and the postal worker and his 3rd grade teacher) and I can guarantee that he’s had fantasies about your friends. That doesn’t mean that all sexual thoughts are good ones (my Darling Husband told me he’d briefly consider ALL his female college professors, even the ones in their 60s, even if it ended with an “ew!” because he couldn’t really help it, especially if he was bored in class). But there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality. Most people have a sexual fantasy life that goes beyond their one and only–I certainly do!–but my fantasy life and my real life are separate.
…Have you been to a strip club? I’m sure there are men out there who really dig them, but my Darling Husband has been to several for bach parties and he’s sort of like, “Yeah, I guess it’s fun, but it’s also too simulated to be all that amazing.” I mean, the women are in it for the money, the drinks are EXPENSIVE, and in the end, you’ve got some woman grinding up on you but not having sex while you’ve got others around you whooping and hollering? As my Darling Husband said, “I’d rather just go to the local bar and have a cheap beer with the boys instead than fork over hundreds to watch some girl shake her butt in my face.”
Having said that, if you don’t like your man in strip clubs, then you don’t like it. And that’s okay.
Post # 9
i’m with you. i’m very uncomfortable with my fiance going to a strip club for his bachelor party. he’s sworn that there will be no lap dances and 100% trust him, but i’m still uncomfortable with the idea.
i know it stems from insecurity.
but get this, though- i’m okay with porn. (as long as its not daily or anything)
i dont understand my brain sometimes. and of course i dont expect others to.
it might be because i went into this relationship knowing my fiance would watch porn, and i from time to time will as well. but he’s NEVER been to a strip club, and i don’t understand why suddenly for his bach party he has to go to one.
that, and i’m 100% against the typical bachelor/ette party generalization as a whole- as in a party to celebrate your last nights of singledom or last few nights of “freedom”. it seems disrepectful to your fiance/ee. i much prefer to focus on a celebration of friendship with those close to you.
end rant. i’m tired, sorry this isn’t coherent at all.
Post # 10
@1112bride: Think of it this way…
Do you watch Twlight movies for the plot and Oscar-worthy acting?
Were you ever a fan of boy bands? Was it because they’re just so talented?
Ever read a romance novel? Or seen a movie just because it has a hot guy in it?
Have you ever been like….
Woah…heyyyyyy there! HEELLLLLLLOOOOOOO!
Its the SAAAAAAAAAAAME damn thing.
Guys and girls just get their kicks in different ways.
Mostly, I think, because girls naked bodies are beautiful – and men…well…men have balls.
We prefer them (a bit) more covered up, and being more….manly? (As in, not prancing around in panties).
Post # 11
I don’t mind porn but I don’t like strip clubs. For me, its partially a gut reaction, but its also (as previously mentioned) really effin expensive. I don’t want my SO spending that much money to get all riled up- go online where the naked ladies are free (and not rubbing on him. cuz I really don’t like to share 🙂 )
Post # 12
why not strip clubs? is it realistic to think you are the only woman he will see naked for the rest of his life? is it realistic to think he wont have fantasies of other women besides you? strip clubs are something you have to experience in order to understand a bit more.
some women always take it as ‘well im not good enough’ or he isnt satisfied with our sex life. which is usually not the case if you are attentive to him.
its a fantasy, being catered to, the music, the drinks, the conversation. nothing more nothing less. ive been to many strip clubs, with and without my fi. a strippers mindset in work mode is getting money. nothing to feel threatened about.
Post # 13
@mandypop – My answer is no to all of those.
Not all guys go to strip clubs. Not all guys watch porn. I am so sick of hearing that all men are the same, it’s not true.
I hate strip clubs, but I’m biased. I got cheated on with strippers in my last relationship. My ex would always get at least one stripper’s number each time he went. Then he left me for one of them. I’m biased, I get that. But I was never comfortable with it. I don’t feel that anyone should have to be.
Post # 14
I would definitely not be OK with it.
And i know my guy wouldn’t want to either. thankfully i don’t have to deal with that battle.
Post # 15
A stripper’s job is to get your man sexually excited. It’s not just a dance, it’s sexual and that to me is cheating. Why do men go to strip clubs? To see another woman provocatively take off her clothes and get horny. @littleprettyliz: said “I think it’s alright for the men to have fun once in a while.” Go to a theme park, go to a baseball game, go to the racetrack, those are FUN things to do… Stip clubs are not a “fun” thing to do, it’s a SEXUAL experience…
Post # 16
i have danced for 6 years and I’ve been bartending for 10 years now in a strip club
so i have seen a lot. believe it or not the groom doesn’t want to be bothered by the strippers ; )
most times it just for there married friends enjoyment. i would say one time when you and your girlfriends go out stop by one you will get over your fear. you Fiance does not want some stripper.
he wants YOU!
i hope this will help you.
calm down you are enough for him don’t feel that way.
be confident you wear the ring!