Why the negativity about babies & kids?

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
4260 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Well, for some pregnancy really is miserable.  As someone who has had HG everytime, I can say without a doubt that I hate being pregnant.  But I love babies and I love motherhood.  But it is all consuming.  Every waking moment is full of thoughts about them, and that can get overwhelming.   I think people are just honestly venting, yet I do not know anyone that would change it.

Post # 17
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - The Great Southern Club

omg i am due the end of august and live in the deep south so the comments about the weather and the comments about the freedom have been said to me so many times!!! i can sooo relate. it is annoying! i am like, let me be happy! this is my rainbow baby! i’d walk through as many summers as i had to for this baby.

what makes me mad are the people that think i have no idea what to expect. like i’ve never been around babies before, or helped anyone with babies before.

my brother and his wife are fostering a 2 year old and after they had the child for two weeks they were trying to give me advice and asking ‘if im ready for this’. That made me mad because they knew we’d been trying since I had a miscarriage last year. i guess some people don’t really think about what they are saying!!

when your baby gets here make sure you are super positive about everything!!! that is my plan tongue-out

Post # 18
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee

People are just assholes. No kids/not pregnant yet, but SO many people keep telling Darling Husband and I “enjoy your freedom now”, “wait to have kids”, “LOL if you think you are tired/stressed without kids!!”, “Kiss your sex life good bye once you have kids!!”, “Enjoy your body now, because once you have kids you’ll never wear skinny jeans again!” “Once you have kids, you can never eat carbs because your metabolism is screwed!” “you cant ever have a vacation once you’re a mom!!!”

I think part of it has to do with insecurities. Like “I must show everyone how hard I work at being a mom and how hard it is to be a mom, so they will tell me I am a great mom and I will feel validated”. 

Post # 19
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i’m sorry you are running into negativity.  when i was pregnant with my first, i was sooooo happy to be pregnant after years of inferility, i didn’t let anyone’s comments get me down.

when other mothers said to me that i will never sleep late again.  i said i never slept late as it was, (as i got up many weekends at 5am to go bike riding or running).  whatever they said about pain, discomfort, no sleep. i said i look forward to every second of miserableness knowing i will have a baby. 

and my son was pretty easy.  he slept through the night at 6m, he’s a great eater.

just don’t listen to any of the naysayers.  everyone has an opinion about everything.  i would nod, say ok, and do my own thing.

 

Post # 20
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

italianbride0508 :  I hate those comments. We get them all the time right now (well, we being me, not hubster, which is even more annoying). Then right afterwards “so when are you going to have them????! You’ll hate your life if you don’t!!!!” Sweetie, our lives are just that – ours. It shouldn’t matter if you have kids or don’t, when you have them, or whether you got puked on more than some other mom. Everyone will have their own, individual, significant (or not) problems, and that’s okay. Ain’t no part of that a competition. 

Post # 21
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

soontobenoone :  SAME! I get really excited for people who have these life experiences whether they’re for me or not. Im a sap at celebrating marriage and babies even tho hubby and I have both said we dont want them. Not because of children themselves,  but because of society. We always talk about how we would like to raise our child and so forth. But I think its normal for people  (sadly) to point out the negative because we just got married and it’s the same thing. “Oh you guys wont always like each other” “It’s hard work and especially when you’re young divorce rates are higher” “You always have to consider the other person.” Things we obviously know but there has been the people who have said “marriage is the best partnership you will ever have  (older coworker)” And another who said our union is the “most sacred thing and she hopes we cherish it always and put each other first no matter how difficult times may be.” I would focus on the positives because thats what im trying to do and even tho those other things might be true like losing sleep and spending money, who cares. Im pretty sure you know that things will change and you will deal with it as it comes.  But for now enjoy your pregnancy and forget the negative Nancys. 

Post # 23
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

mrsdrake :  You are so right about focusing on the positives. Both Fiance and I have parents that have been married 40 years and talk about how wonderful marriage is, so that definitely helps! I get people wanting to prepare you for what’s to come, but like you said, those are givens! We know it will be hard, doesn’t mean we want to focus on that! I’m trying to prepare myself for all the baby talk haha we aren’t even married yet and we get the “When are you guys having babies?” or “Enjoy your freedom now before you have babies”. I think people just project. Gotta brush it off!

Post # 24
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sansa85 :  I love your comment about gratitude. I was asking my boss, who has a newborn at home, how she has been doing with getting enough sleep. She gave me an update and added, “It’s a good problem to have.” I  just loved the gratitude that the statement seemed to express. 

Post # 25
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

soontobenoone :  yes everyone has already gotten started on the “make babies” topic and have baarely focused on our marriage being 2 days fresh! Lmao And my favorite comment I have to say (sarcasm) was “Are you getting married because you’re pregnant?” You know because there’s absolutely nobody left in the world who got married or are getting married before having children.  Which I’m  not judgmental on how people choose to live their lives whether kids come before or after but don’t assume my marriage is because I’m pregnant! wtf? 

Post # 26
Member
9812 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

lula0508 :  well to an extent those things are true.  People expect not to sleep much with a newborn but some kids will wake up once or twice a night for years.  And then they’re teenagers and you’re worrying about them out late, etc.  So while it might be exagerated, I have a 3 year old and I don’t think I’ve had a full night’s sleep (I’ve woken up at least once or twice) since she was born.  It’s like your senses are heightened and you wake up for any noise they make.  Or out of habit by that point haha.  But that doesn’t mean I walk around everyday like a zombie, I still get sleep. It will just never be like it was before.  “Sleeping in” will mean 8am.  I think a lot of moms like to joke about it because it’s true to an extent.  Same thing with freedom and money.  Of course you can still travel and spend money on yourself, but you’ll find that you won’t want to spend much on yourself anymore and traveling just means a lot more work planning- generally no spontaneous trips anymore.  I mean, I don’t consider those horrible things.  It’s just how they are, and I’m fine with it.  I wouldn’t trade it, I’d rather have my babies then sleep in until 10-11am every weekend. Of course, I don’t go around broadcasting this to every person I meet because I like to be positive but I can see where they are coming from.

But you know, people just like to complain.  People will always complain more than they will compliment or describe the good things that happen.  When I was in sales we used to talk about how when someone has a bad experience they will go on to tell 7 people (or whatever it was) but if they have a great experience they may not even tell someone.  I think that how it is in other life situations as well.

Post # 27
Member
5456 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

rosegoldcoloredglasses :  

It really hit home when my daughter was horribly sick, if her strep test didn’t come back positive, they were going to send her to the emergency room and I’m anxious to begin with.

The PA was amazing and calmed me down and even offered to recheck my daughter for free before she left that night after the meds had some time to work.

I was so thankful for her, I messaged my contact at the urgent care (i went to school with him) who sent my message to her supervisor. I don’t think they are used to gratitude like that but honestly my eyes still tear up now just thinking of her kindness towards me.

People are so quick to air their complaints and just be miserable, I try to show my gratitude when I can because i know people probably don’t hear it enough.

Post # 28
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’ve experienced the same thing.  I’m 29 and most people I know either kids aren’t for them (fine but no need to impose their feeligns on me) or frankly are jealous (many aren’t in a good position to have kids).  I do find that other mothers of young children have more encouraging things to say and are geniunely excited about the love I’m about to have- I’m just not around many people that like very often. 

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