(Closed) Why the priest may be annoyed with you

posted 11 years ago in Catholic
Post # 17
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I do agree that judgmental Christians/Catholics are completly hypocritical. However, when people marry in a church there are hoops you have to jump through. In the Ctholic church you have to go through classes and during these classes they stress the importance of the rest of your life vs. the day you get married.

Post # 18
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Haha EJS, you said that much better than I did 🙂

Post # 19
1580 posts
Bumble bee

The Catholic church has a really stong stance on making sure the marriage will work, which is where the concerns/comments stem from.  

He was a making a couple of points about the cost of weddings (1) it is stupid and could ruin your marriage to put yourself in debt over a wedding/reception (2) of that 29k, only $200 goes to the church, which should be the most important part, and (3) brides get so focused on the wedding that they don’t think enough about the actual marriage. So I don’t think he was saying it is stupid in every situation to spend that much.

And it is absolutely disrespectful to take communion if you aren’t Catholic, especially if you put it in your pocket… I can totally see why he feels the way he does.

Post # 20
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I cracked up at the host in the pocket problem, really, I did. That’s too funny! Aren’t there rehearsals for this sort of thing? 

But EJS, I totally agree with you. For a priest to be this judgmental… hey, not so cool. And I think everybody needs to cool it with the judgment of how little or how much a wedding costs. Let people make their own financial decisions as to what’s appropriate and what their priorities are.

Post # 21
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think this is great – a priest with a sense of humor and with a sense of the importance of marriage.  There are too many clergy in all different faiths who are pandering to the lowest common denominator and apologizing for the guidelines by which a religion functions.  It is not always supposed to be warm and fuzzy – it’s supposed to give you a kick in the pants every now and then and make you think.  Religions have rules and guidelines.  If you want in, you’re in and you live with them.  If you don’t want in, don’t worry about it.  I don’t judge people who choose to believe or not believe but I am relieved to see a statement by a priest (and it could have been a rabbi or a minister or any other person who officiates at weddings and other similar milestone events) who is more concerned about the marriage than making sure the bride has an aisle long enough for her entrance (or short enough that she won’t be too nervous).  If she went to that church, she would already know how long the aisle is and wouldn’t have to ask…

Post # 22
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Whoa, he went off!  Lol, he’s got some valid points but he obviously should take some time off hahaha.

Post # 23
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Hahaah, I thought it was hilarious! And true! 

Post # 24
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I thought it was great!  It’s true.  I’m sure he didn’t believe everything he said, he was just saying it to make a point.  Yes there are grumpy, mean priests that believe this kind of stuff, but there are also great priests.  Also, if you’re a practicing Catholic, you shouldn’t really be surprised that there are all those rules and regulations. 

Personally, I don’t blame the priest for feeling that way.  How many times a year does he get used by brides that only want to use his church and will never come back again?  Except maybe to get their first baby baptized.

Post # 25
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I liked it. He had some very valid points. Many brides (and grooms) get lost in the who asthetics of it and some lose the purpose of the day. I personally am not one for a big theatrical wedding. I’d take it with a grain of salt- it did come from a site where the guy joking calls himself ‘The Reverend Know-It-All. 🙂

Post # 26
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think he could have made his point better and more effectively without all the bite. It distracts from his main message, which is actually valid.

Post # 27
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I really enjoyed the article!  I did have the big church wedding and think its very easy to loose site of the marriage and focus on the day.  He may come across as harsh, but if he would have not written the article the way he did, I highly doubt his point would have come across the way it did and most of us wouldn’t have read the article at all. 

Post # 28
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

LOL – thanks for the post.  That was hilarious.  I’m sure that priest has seen his share of couples that are only ‘wedding’ minded and have a rude wake up call the day after… like – crap, now what.

Post # 29
900 posts
Busy bee

He absolutely has valid points.  But he is being counterproductive.  It is hard to draw families into the church right now and an ideal time to attract new young families is when a couple gets married.  An off-putting attitude and making the bride and groom feel like they are somehow bad believers is not the way to expand a congregation. 

My priest made the process of my wedding harsh.  I am an Orthodox Christian and my husband is a devout, actively practicing Catholic.  We can marry in each others’ churches but cannot receive communion. 

We had the marriage in my church (where I was baptized and have been a member my whole life) and wanted his Catholic priest to participate by doing a reading that ANY LAY PERSON CAN DO.  HUGE deal.  And we were made to feel like by asking we were being a nuisance.  When in reality, we are just two Christian people with extremely similar faiths who wanted a faithful ceremony that represented us both.  I also wanted my priest, who used to be the parish priest (married my parents, baptized me, prayed by my hospital bed as a child when I was sick) to officiate.  He is still affiliated with the church but is not in charge.  Again, apparently an offensive suggestion because of church politics.  Then, I wanted to walk down the aisle to the Prayer of St. Francis, to incorporate a little more Catholic tradition.  Again, it was like asking if I could get married naked.  Apparently the non-spiritual Wedding March or Trumpet Voluntary are ok, but a hymn was not appropriate since it was not the standard tradition.

My husband and I want to raise our family in the church, be it Catholic or Orthodox.  Rather than saying, “Wow, here are two young people who want faith in their ceremony and their marriage, and how nice that this young woman has such a strong connection with her childhood priest, let’s see how we can welcome her and her husband to the church with open arms,” we were continually made to feel like the small things we wanted were an affront to both churches.  Here was an opportunity to welcome a new family into the church, but instead they sort of made us question whether or not we want to stick around.

And the whole deal with all the money being spent on a wedding not going to the church…if you encourage people to join and continue to attend, well, then maybe a lifetime of contributions will end up paying off in the end.

Oh, and if you don’t want the non-baptized receiving communion, SAY SOMETHING!

Post # 30
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree with his points about the marriage being more important than the day, however, he doesn’t sound very Priest like. His delivery is a little harsh & does come across as jaded.

I understand how frustrating it must be to marry people who you don’t think will last longer than a year… then why not just say no? If they aren’t a member of your parish don’t marry them. Problem solved?

Post # 31
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow. Well, I’m glad my priest is quite a bit more laid back than this guy.  Of course, he is writing for a blog which makes me think he’s trying to be a bit more ‘over the top’ than I bet he is in real life.  Still…doesn’t make me want to join his parish, I think I’ll stick with mine.  I used to feel bad when my liberal ideas didn’t jive with what I was hearing in the homily, but you know priests are people to, so I just try and focus on the positive and how it relates to my spiritual growth etc.  I’m still going to push to have a non-traditional reading and that doesn’t make me a bad catholic mr. scary priest man. 

I always thought it was a understood part of Catholic doctrine that only Catholics were allowed to have communion during a Catholic mass (that’s includes baptised and the un-baptised non-Catholics)  Even my super strong atheist, humanist, jewish, buddist friends all knew.  So when I went to my cousin’s wedding last year and everyone started to go up for communion, I realised that maybe not everyone knows about that aspect.  Of course, every Catholic wedding I went to growing up had a little section in the back respectuflly explaining the Catholic teachings about transubstantiation and inviting everyone up for a blessing if they felt comfortable with it.  So maybe if this priest is really concerned about it, he could request that they include a section in their programs.  Makes it less stressful for everyone, and he doesn’t have to be mean to anyone.

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