(Closed) Why We Fight

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am sorry. It is hard to be in constant pain. I wish I could help. *Hugs*

Post # 4
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

you should prob tell him all of these things as well as try, on your part, to hear him out. I can tell you.. I don’t think I could put up with someone who has so many things to complain about. About the pain, maybe you should take meds BEFORE the pain becomes unbareable. I get migranes too, they suck. what are you taking for them? Imetrex really works for me when I get the aura , if i take one.. it stops it from happening. Make sure you eat! Snack all day! good luck

Post # 6
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Could you be anemic too? That could explain the fatigue. I feel for you. I don’t have as many ails as you, but I get sore a lot (especially when I’m sick, which is a lot), and my husband doesn’t understand why I don’t want to be touched. He is learning though. 🙂 Maybe trade massages with your partner so you can relax and focus on that instead of your pains, and it could be like bonding time?

Post # 7
3600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I know what you mean. I have a problem with my stomach that makes it really uncomfortable to have any weight on top of me, and it makes me nauseated a good portion of every day. I also have MDD, so I struggle to stay at a “normal” mood, and he gets frustrated with me sometimes. Some days (3ish days a week) I have leg pain related to an ankle injury that was untreated, causing nerve damage.

I know (and just because I know something doesn’t make it easy to practice it) that he doesn’t experience these things directly like I do so he doesn’t remember or understand all the time, but really, I’d just like to punch him so maybe we’d be in an equal amount of discomfort for once.

Post # 9
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@Caizn: Ahhh. Why are you marrying him? Sorry, but when you’re working 4 times more than he is and dealing with your health issues and he “demands” dinner. That’s just not right. I work 12 hour shifts as a nurse nigth and day, sometimes I sleep all day long, etc. When we got our own place together it was a huge adjustment to not have his mom there to cook and clean for him (they’re Philippino). He would be sooo grumpy because he hadn’t eaten all day. And I would tell him, “you’re in a bad mood, you haven’t eaten why have you not cooked for yourself? You’re an adult”. I think you’re Fiance needs to hear the same thing. Let him stomp his feet all he wants, he’s an adult fend for yourself! He should feel lucky when you make a meal for him or take care of him! It is NOT your job to look after him and he’s not going to leave you if you don’t. If anything, he’ll respect you more once you stick up for yourself. Good luck.

Ps. You should see a specialist about your chronic pain issues/fatigue. Ibuprofen is not good enough for migraines as you describe. You need a prescription medication such as Maxeran. You also need a CBC/660. Do you think your fatigue could be caused by depression? Whenever someone tells me they are sleeping that often it’s the first thing I think is going on depression, then anemia.

Post # 10
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It seems your SO is the type of guy who wants a traditional marriage where you cook every day.  But in that kind of marriage the guy works and the woman stays home. She doesn’t go out and work full time while he works part time.  With that being said, you two need to have a serious discussion about roles and expectations and of course taking your condition and the amount of time each of you spends at home in mind.  

Here are some suggestions/solutions:

Buy groceries where he can make sandwiches, pop things in the microwave/oven when he is hungry and when you don’t feel like cooking.

When you do feel like cooking, overcook and freeze portions for one and two that can be popped in the oven/microwave.

Teach him how to cook basic things so that he can fend for himself and eventually cook for you.  

As far as doing things around the house goes, you may just have to remind him. As long as it gets done, right?

Post # 12
361 posts
Helper bee

If you have endometriosis, why aren’t you on a pain management schedule? I was misdiagnosed with it years ago, did a cycle of Lupron and had a standing prescription for narcotic pain meds. The TMJ can be managed through mouthpieces, have you had your destist fit you for any? A good friend of mine has it and she lives by her mouthpieces. I agree with PP – you should be taking a prescription for your migraines. If you have chronic pain, you should have it treated. If your doctor won’t treat it, go see a different one. Do not settle for living in so much pain. With the medical advancements in this day and age, there is no reason for it. *HUGS* (gently, so you don’t hurt). 

Post # 13
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@Caizn: I have a problem with chronic pain too. I have RA and Fibromyalgia. There is not much I can do with the pain, but I am on an anti-depressant to help deal with it. It will help your energy level and general outlook.

You say that depression has been a problem before? It probably has something to do with your issues now. Not the pain issues, but the issues it causes.

I really think you should fix your health problems (or at least get them to a manageable state) before you try to fix your FI’s problems.

No one should have to live in pain all their lives. Best of luck to you!!

Post # 15
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am sorry you’re going through all of this.  It can be difficult for someone who doesn’t have chronic pain to understand/empathize.  I think you should have a sit-down with him and explain how you really feel.  Maybe you could at least pretend to be in a good mood when he gets home for at least a few minutes.  I know it’s not easy, but it might make a difference.  Then tell him what he can do to help you because sometimes guys are clueless that way.

Post # 16
361 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
@Caizn: If they’ve confirmed it’s endo, and you aren’t looking to have a baby in the next year or so, talk to them about pain management or lupron. Lupron puts you into a chemical menopause, so you have no lining, and therefore no pain 🙂 But, menopause sucks balls, let me tell you. And I didn’t even have endo! Stress > me CONSTANTLY. I get stress migraines, they suck. Hopefully, if you can get the chronic pain under control, the stress won’t be so bad. Also, I know nothing of bowed legs, but has your doctor ever mentioned inserts for your shoes or anything, if they haven’t, ask! If they don’t listen, YELL. Seriously. I had to get REAL loud at my son’s doctors office because they wouldn’t test him for allergies, and he was having a LOT of trouble, especially with breathing and the asthma meds were not working. After struggling for some months (like 4 or 5), losing my job because I had to take him to the ER every other day, I was fed up. They sent him to a specialist, found out about his food allergies and he’s golden now. Don’t let them not treat you. 

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