Post # 1
I’ve got to admit – I’ve been relatively content with my relationship status for a long time now. I don’t know what changed, but BAM – I’m starting to have a rougher time with the waiting process recently. Simply put, I’m getting incredibly antsy and growing less and less sensitive to the reasons my SO is holding off on that particular moment. My SO and I have had the marriage conversation (on multiple occasions, varying from short and sweet, to long and detailed), we’ve browsed for rings, and played around with wedding ideas. We’re set and secure in the fact that we’re both ‘the one’ for the other. As far as marriage goes, for us, it’s not a question of ‘if’, but ‘when’. He knows I was ready to be engaged like, yesterday. And yet my finger is still stark naked. Woe is me (only kidding, hah).
When I ask what the holdup is, the answer usually teeters between “Waiting for the right moment”, and “Getting all our financial ducks in a row”. Try as I might, I’m growing more impatient with his reasoning. I catch myself wondering if he’s offering a legitimate reason, or spewing excuses to bide time due to nervousness.
So ladies, why are you still waiting? Are you okay with the reasoning? Do you personally think it’s a legitimate reason to wait, or do you think he/she is just making excuses at this point?
Post # 3
To be honest, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting unless you’re not seeing eye-to-eye on things. I have seen so many people rush into getting married only to get divorced a year or two later. Why not wait a year or two and save yourself the money/time/hassle and make sure it’s all going to work out and that you’re getting married for the right reasons??
Post # 4
I am just finishing up my Undergrad, and I told him I couldn’t think seriously about planning a wedding until I graduate. I am taking a year off between UG and Grad school, so it will be a perfect time to plan a wedding.
Post # 5
@Miss Burgundy: While I understand and appreciate your points entirely, my post was more directed towards finding out why others are waiting and where they draw the line between legitimate and excuse based reasoning. Personally, at this point, I don’t think SO and I would be ‘rushing into marriage’ if we were to get engaged in the coming months. We are both in our mid-late twenties, live together, have been together for a fair amount of time, and both have secure careers/education backgrounds. Not sure if your comment was directed towards me, or was just a broad generalization, but thank you for the reply any which way.
Post # 6
Plain and simple, he’s uncomfortable with where he’s at career-wise. I make twice as much as him and have a bachelor’s (he didn’t finish associate’s). I think it makes him feel unworthy sometimes which is very unfortunate.
I have every finger that’s on my body crossed he makes it into the electrical union this year. It’ll be his 3rd year interviewing… they do it once a year and this year it’s the first week of February! We won’t find out til March or April though :/
Although I have a hard time understanding sometimes, I can sympathize with him. I just reeeeeally hope he gets into the union because then a summertime proposal is a sure thing!
Post # 7
I’m waiting because he has the proposal planned out and I just have to wait until the surprise days comes. I’m fine with it. Just wish it would hurry!
Post # 8
I put “he’s not ready” but I think it’s closer to “I don’t know”. I’m not 100% sure why we’re not engaged yet. I’m not sure that HE knows why we’re not engaged yet. I think he’s dealing with some “growing up” issues. Just accepting that this is the point where he’s at with his life etc.
Hopefully he figures it out soon.
Post # 9
@Taylor4: Totally get where you’re coming from. Although my SO claims that he’s merely getting his finances ready for ring purchasing and wedding planning, I think he has reservations about how *real* everything will become once he pops the question. While he’s more than committed to me at this point (we live together, for pete’s sake), I think he is still slightly nervous about the seriouness about the entire thing.
Post # 10
He told me he’s just not ready to get married yet due to personal issues he has to work out from his past. It’s not really clear, but I think it boils down to the fact that he has past family issues that still affect his thought process and actions today. Shortly after we had the engagement/marriage talk he told me this though, and has been going to counseling ever since. Progress!
Post # 11
I put don’t quite know. We talked about it this weekend and what I got from him is exactly what Taylor4 said. He just does not want to grow up and have the total adult label. Getting married to him must mean no fun or something. He’s 30yo!! It’s time!!! LOL! I don’t understand it. He also mentioned how he is not satified with his job and I told him that is not fair to me. He’s had plenty of time to figure things out and hasn’t. He told me he is going to look for another job now so maybe he got the point. I’m only giving him till V-day to figure things out cause I can’t wait forever!!
Post # 12
We’re not married yet because we’re not in a rush to. It’s also not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’ for us, and we want to enjoy dating and being young, single (not married), and living independently (mostly me) for awhile longer. We’re only 25 & 26, so we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us to enjoy the next stage. Then ‘when’ part has already been decided on (proposal next yr!); the time frame we have will allow us to achieve some of the things we want to do first (me- get my PhD, him- advance career).
Edited to add: I realize I’m not “officially” waiting like some of the Bees here but hoped I’d still fit in because I technically am “waiting” for us to be married one day, even though I know its not happening very soon.
Post # 13
we’re in two different states and both are looking for work so we’re waiting to get those little big details straightened out first
Post # 14
He already has the ring, so I guess I’m waiting for the moment he has planned, whenever that is. At least, I hope that’s his reason lol.
Post # 15
Before we got engaged the reason he was waiting was bc he wanted to get financial things in order. Make sure our rent was going to go up (that was an issue), that our cars were in good condition, things like that. He could really be waiting for the right moment & getting his finances in order. I honestly dont think hes making excuses 🙂
Post # 16
We are both finishing up our senior year as undergraduates. He already has an electrical engineering position lined up that he is starting immediately after graduation, so for us, it’s a combination of not having money and still being in school (seems like those usually go hand in hand!). We both know we want to get married, though, so I’m glad we’re on the same page in that respect!