(Closed) Why Would Anyone WANT to be a Bridesmaid? Why are you hurt if you're not asked?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This post makes me sad. It shows that weddings, at least in some circles, are out of control.

Being a bridesmaid should be an honour, and it should be minimal cost. Don’t even get me started on the tradition of bridesmaids buying their own dresses. It’s insane.

I’m happy to say that in every wedding I’ve been in, the bridesmaid costs have been low, and there have been no complaints (that I was aware of). And I’ve loved being a bridesmaid each time.

Post # 47
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I love my friends, and I enjoy spending time with them, so I would be thrilled if one of them asked me to stand by their side and support them during this important milestone. I feel bad for people who complain about being a bridesmaid, and I don’t understand… do you not like your friends? Are your friends not considerate enough to take everyone’s financial situation into consideration?

I can understand the cost becoming overwhelming if you were a bridesmaid in like five or 10 different weddings, but to me, it shouldn’t be an enormous cost for anyone. My bridesmaids are just paying for their dresses (and last year we all went and bought new dresses by choice for a friend’s wedding we werent even bridesmaiids in), half their hair/makeup cost, and they’ll split the cost of a bachelorette party. Everything is happening in the same city we all live in, so they won’t have to travel or get a hotel room (except his sisters who live out of the country, but they obvs would have been travelling for the wedding either way).

Anyway, in conclusion, I’d never get angry at a friend for not asking me, but if they do ask it’s a really nice validation of our closeness and friendship (plus I love crafts and party planning!).

Post # 48
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I hope that everyone who says that being a bridesmaid is the worst didn’t have bridesmaids. It would be rather hypocritical otherwise.

Post # 49
6292 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m coming from a UK perspective, where it sounds like things are very different. Over here, the couples buys the bridal party attire, so the costs associated with being in the bridal party are no greater than if you were attending as a guest. The hen do is usually organised by several people, often with help from the couple or from relatives, and again doesn’t need to be majorly time consuming, and we don’t have showers over here. Also, it tends to only be close friends or family who are asked to be bridesmaids here, due to the cost to the couple: it would be unusual or see more than 4-5 bridesmaids, unless it’s a big wedding. I think that probably reduces the ‘hassle factor’, and yes, it is an indication of the closeness of your relationship. 

I’m going to be a bridesmaid for the first time next year to a girl I’ve been friends with for pretty much my entire life. I am so excited, and was thrilled to be asked; it really does mean a lot to me that she has asked me (as I never assumed). I know that being with her while she’s getting ready, helping to calm nerves etc, is going to mean a lot. Some of my favourite memories from our wedding were those getting ready moments, and one of my favourite pictures is of her watching me get into my dress looking like she’s welling up. I know it’s going to be just as emotional when her time cokes next year, and can’t imagine not being there. 

Post # 50
3020 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I was a (junior) brideamaid when I was 14 and it was a ton of fun! Then again, this was before bachelorette parties were a thing… there was just the shower, rehearsal dinner, and wedding. I loved doing the arts and crafts! I helped the bride handmade invitations and tied ribbons to wedding bubbles. 

But anyways! 

I was only hurt about not being asked to be a bridesmaid once. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding. I didn’t mind not being asked at first. But then the Maid/Matron of Honor, a close friend of ours, was fuming about what a ‘zilla she was and told me that I dodged a bullet by having short hair. I was like, “What do you mean?” and she told me that I’m way closer to the bride than a lot of the other girls but she didn’t want me to wreck her precious pictures with my hairstyle. The bride and I are still good friends, but being told I had bad hair hurt my feelings! I thought I rocked that pixie! 

Post # 51
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think it depends on your situation at the time of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I am a Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friend’s wedding in the midst of planning my own. It’s fun, because we get to plan together, we’ve went to bridal shows, we share ideas, etc. If I was older or was married already, I can see it not being as fun because of the time committment. If I also wasn’t planning my wedding, I’d probably be tired of talking wedding stuff as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Right now, I have the time to spare (and the money), but if I was tight on money or worked longer hours, I could see being a Bridesmaid or Best Man as being a hassle & not really fun. I do think being asked is an honor, it is a validation of closeness!

I was hurt a bit when I wasn’t asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding, but that is only because we all hung out together as a group, and she picked 1 of the girls, and not me & another girl. I didn’t really see the one who was picked as being closer to the bride than me or our other friend, so it was more of a “oh, I guess we aren’t as close as I thought?” type of thought process, but you get over it. Less money for me to have to spend!

Post # 52
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

thousandyellowdaisies :  In addition to my objections that I raised in my post on pg. 1 of this thread, I can say that I have come to find the entire notion of the American bridal party and how it operates to be perverse on many levels (for example, I dislike what I see as the hinted infantilization represented by a grown woman being expected to gather her “girls” as she prepares to get married).  I also have a general objection to bridal showers in most cases, as I personally think it’s quite unseemly for an established adult to allow others to throw her a party that is solely about gifts.  

This has nothing to do with not loving my friends and everything to do with my ambivalence about many elements of the traditions associated with American weddings.  My friends know that I am always there for them, whether the engagement/wedding spotlight is casting its happy glow on them or not.  I find it absurd that I would be accused of not loving/supporting/wanting to spend time with a friend because I am uninterested in buying cheap, unsustainable clothing or participating in traditions that make me uncomfortable.  I’m much happier just attending as a guest and then showing my friends special love by hosting a dinner party for them in the months after the wedding (if they are local) or taking them out to a nice restaurant (if they are not). 

(And don’t worry Apple_Blossom : , I wouldn’t have a wedding party on a bet.)

Post # 53
44 posts
  • Wedding: November 2016

palebluepetals :  yes! I hate the idea. I actually apologised to my friends when I asked them to be bridesmaid. I haven’t asked much of them at all. I don’t see why they should be out of pocket for MY wedding. 

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