(Closed) Why would FI say that?? =( (sorry if its long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yeah, that’s a really harsh comment! I do have a question, though. Do you frequently complain about your weight/body and wish that you were thinner aloud, but then not do anything to change your diet/exercise? I’m not saying you SHOULD be dieting…but I know that guys tend to not have the same emotional connection to their body shapes/sizes we have, and so they look at it more pragmatically. Like, “well, if you’re not happy with your body, then change your diet/exercise.” What he said would really really hurt my feelings, too…and you should tell him that it was not acceptable.

You also need to know you are beautiful exactly as you are! Do not crash diet or take pills…if those things worked, then people wouldn’t be struggling so much to lose weight. I think confidence is the most attractive quality in anybody, so start looking at yourself as the beautiful person you are!

Post # 18
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He definitely shouldn’t have said that. However, guys like to fix problems, and he sees your concern about being around the ex as a problem. If he’s ever heard you complain about your weight, fitting into clothes, etc., then maybe he put 2 and 2 together in his warped male brain.

Did you tell him that it hurt your feelings? Did he feel bad about saying it? Have you talked about your insecurities about his ex?  

Post # 20
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

omg wtf! that is not okay on any level no matter what the circumstances. please don’t do anything unhealthy because of a mans comments to you.  i think you should give him a taste of his own medicine and tell him you wish he’d get on propecia or get some hair plugs so he has some hair for you to show off! 

I honestly just don’t even know personally how i could be with a person that ever said that to me – even once!  Your relationship is supposed to be a safe, nurturing place.

Post # 21
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@graygodess20:  OK! First of all don’t go spend tons of money on a dress- who cares what other people think! Second, go join a gym, do zumba, go do something to boost your self esteem, but do it for YOU.

As far as fi goes… buy him some diet pills, or throw away his favorite junk food hehe 🙂

Post # 23
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

As someone who says things JUST TO BE MEAN when I am mad, I get the feeling that he just said it to be mean (it is something that I am aware of and am working on, Fiance is the same way). However, I don’t think I would ever insult Fiance on his looks…. especially not comparing him to an ex or ever saying that I wasn’t going to be able to show him off because of his looks. Even if he didn’t mean it (and I sure hope he didn’t) he took it too far.

It kind of feels like he is saying that you aren’t as pretty as his ex and that would really hurt me and piss me off!

Post # 24
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wtf! That comment is NOT okay – he should be building you up, not tearing you down. Tell him in no uncertain terms that what he said was out of line.

Post # 25
25 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

You shouldnt change a damn thing about youself!!! Except maybe your future husband……….

Post # 28
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OP, can i just say that I think your are beautiful?

Post # 29
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What a jerky thing to say!  That’s very mean, and comments like that cause more lasting damage the other person meant to.  But please, dear, get out of revenge mode…even though it’s fun to entertain evil thoughts.

Post # 30
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Please don’t do anything horrible to your body! And you absolutely do not need to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on a dress!! You do NOT have to compare yourself with his ex. Just remember that she is just an ex and that your Fiance picked you, and not her, for a reason. I would just pretend like she doesn’t even exist. You are an amazing, fabulous, sexy woman who has nothing to prove to anyone! Sexy is 90% confidence, =)

Did your Fiance mean his comment in a mean way? Or did he just say it to reflect what you’ve said yourself before? I know my Fiance sometimes doesn’t know how to say the “cute” or “sweet” thing. Some of the things he says, if taken at face value, are really insensitive, but that’s just cuz he doesn’t realize what he’s saying. I hope your Fiance didn’t actually mean what he said because that would be horrible.

Post # 31
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

ouch. im trying to think why he said that =(

it could be either as a pp said, guys like to “fix problems”…even though i dont think your weight is a problem, you look great in the avatar

or, if youve mentioned your jealousy a lot of times before, he might have just snapped ot get you to stop mentioning it? guys very very frustrated by jealous gfs, i know my fi used to have no patience with me when i mentioned his ex. it could have been a (albeit slightly mean) way of just saying ‘enough’

it is hurtful though, and i think you should tell him how you feel. its the kind of thing a guy might not realise that youll be thinking about for days after he said what was to him a throwaway comment

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