Why would my future in-laws lie to my FI about inviting me?

posted 7 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
5698 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Did they originally indicate that you were invited though, because after that conversation you didn’t think you were actually invited. 

Im sorry you’re upset but this by I think this is what happens when you are the one to ask “am I invited?”.  I always think it’s super rude when people do things like that. 

It sounds like it was your fiancés fault for the misunderstanding, he was the one to put it in your head that you were invited on the first place. 

Do you have your own family? I don’t find it surprising that they didn’t invite you to a mothers weekend, it sounds like it is only for family and you aren’t even getting married for another year and a half. 

Post # 4
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

hunnybunchesok :  I would assume it was a miscommunication between your fiance and his sister, what would be the point of her flat out lying and saying you were invited? She probably felt uncomfortable with you texting her and asking her that, so why would she put herself in that situation?

I’d try to accept the fact that you may not be included in this “circle” until you are married, and even then you might not be. I’m on good terms with my Mother-In-Law and SIL but I’m never invited to anything they do together, only to the big get togethers. Not all families treat their DIL like family, unfortunately.

Do you have friends of your own, or are you trying to make this group your core group of girlfriends?

 

Post # 6
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1995

They don’t view you as one of their own. Not just based off this one incident, but you indicate that you are excluded frequently. My mother dealt with this. It was all “nice-to-her-face” but actions told a different story. His family were especially tight knit and the daughters of the family excluded their brother’s wives. 

My guess–they don’t want their brother to know they are excluding you so they said whatever they did to him so that he wouldn’t know they were excluding you.

Don’t be surprised if you ever bring up this ongoing issue with your fiance and he defends his family. If he confronts them about it they may act shocked or confused and they will tell him how much they always include you.

I hope I’m wrong about this in your case. 

Post # 7
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

hunnybunchesok :  I can understand why you’d feel hurt that they aren’t accepting you into their circle, but again not all families are the type to welcome non-family members in. I would try to not take it personal, easier said than done I know.

As far as feeling embarassed, take it as a lesson learned and try to forget about it. You can’t change what happened and the sister will likely forget about it.

Post # 9
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand there was a misunderstanding if your fiance was speaking to them and you weren’t there.  My husband has done that too when he’s talking to his mom and sister.  Does your fiance have brothers and if yes, are they married or have girlfriends/fiancees that get invited out with them?  If that is the case, then I can understand you being upset over not being invited out for girls nights and trips.  But try to understand that often, close female family members like to do things on their own like take girls trips together or have dinner out together and it’s a standing tradition for them and they don’t feel the need to include others.

Post # 11
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1995

 

hunnybunchesok :  I’m not sure how to succinctly answer you. In addition to his family excluding my mother, my father also put “his family” before my mother and me. He spent most of his free time with his family, not with us. It was very unnatural in my opinion. 

After years of putting up with this my mother confronted him and he let her know that “his family” were his “true family” and that my mother and I were his extended family that he can choose when he wants to spend time with us.  Yeah.  He said that. 

So she divorced him.  I was 5.

After that, he got married two more times in his life but those ended in divorce as well.

I don’t know what your situation is but I would not put up with being excluded.  How do you think his sisters will treat any child you have? I can tell you that my father’s siblings excluded me. It didn’t matter that I was their brother’s child. 

Post # 13
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

Have you expressed to your fiancé that you often feel left out, that it wasn’t just this time? What is his take on it?

If this were my fiancé and my dad, brother, and cousin were leaving him out, I’d be in there like, “Guys, wtf is your problem? Family is family. Your fishing trips are for four now, so extend the invite.” 

You’re part of the collective family now, since you’re engaged to be married. And four years of being together… that qualifies, too. He should make sure you get treated that way. 

 

Post # 15
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

Idk I feel like I would be a little bothered by this too…like, I thought…we were family, and we all liked each others company… :/

Hmm, I wouldnt go to anything that I wasn’t directly invited to, though. It would make me a little uncomfortable.

ETA: ACTUALLY, I would be a little concerned that my SO was told that I was invited when I really wasnt. Bc then if he never brought it up, he’d think i didnt go bc I didnt want to, when reality, I knew nothing about it etc..

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