Post # 1
A while back I posted a rant about a girl named Sandra. We were both maid of honours at my best friend’s wedding. Before I break into the new drama, I will state that Sandra and I have parted ways as friends. We do however, still run in similar social circles so run in to each other a lot. If you desire you can read the original rant here : http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/friends-premature-planning-rant.
Fiance and I are having a destination wedding on Feb 5th, 2014 (Wednesday). All our close friends already know about this as we called all 28 people we’re inviting and informed them of our plans. Some of the people we’ve asked to come will need this entire time to save. All of our guests have also indicated they want to join us for the entire week at the resort. Sandra did not make the invitation list. However, it is important to note that she is fully aware of the date and type of wedding we are having because we have discussed it a couple times when we’ve met up at social functions.
Well last week Sandra’s long term (she’s been with him 7 months…a record of sorts) boyfriend proposed. Which is amazing and awesome and I was happy for them both UNTIL she announced their wedding date. February 8th, 2014!!! I find this out from my Maid/Matron of Honor, Angela because Sandra’s asked her to be her Maid/Matron of Honor too! WTF!??! So I’m visiting with Angela (she just had her baby a little over a month ago) and she’s beside herself because she doesn’t think it’s possible to be, in essence, two places at once but doesn’t want to decline and hurt Sandra’s feelings. Logistically, it is possible for Angela to attend both weddings. If she left the Caribbean the morning after my wedding, she’d have the Friday back in town and then it would be Sandra’s big day! Meanwhile, I’m stuck feeling guilty for Angela’s situation on one hand but on the other I’m boiling mad. I mean we announced this date nearly 6 months ago and it’s not like I can believe for a moment this is accidental!
At the end of the day, I just can’t help but ask “Why?” When the three of us girls went to a bridal show in May, she couldn’t stop talking about a summertime wedding, outside, at the family cottage. I’m thinking February is not the time of year for that. I know I can’t own a month/week/day but it just seems fishy to me that she’s pick a date 3 days after our wedding when she knows Angela and several other close friends will be celebrating with us thousands of miles away. The Save-the-dates aren’t going out for another 6 months and the only thing I can think is that she figures people will bypass my Destination Wedding to save money and come to her nuptials instead (which is entirely their choice to do so). I dunno…I’m just flabbergasted and don’t know how to handle this exactly. I’ll be seeing her Tuesday and don’t know what to even say to her.
Post # 3
Is sandra invited to your wedding?
Post # 4
@asscherlover: No. I mentioned that she did not make the invitation list. We are keeping it to close family and friends.
That being said, I do not suspect I would be invited to hers either. We are not close anymore.
Post # 5
The same thing happened to us.
Before I pushed back our wedding date it was originally set for August 6th, 2012. My FI’s adopted brother put his wedding as a three day event for August 10th, 2012. I flipped out! He knew our wedding date and still planned it like he did? I was so upset. I undersand how you feel.
I bet you want to confront her but afraid you’ll sound crazy?
Post # 6
i can’t believe she would pull something like that.
well, giving her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps that was the only date her venue was available.
your guests can still enjoy your wedding and make it back in time for hers. it’s inconvenient but still possible.
Post # 7
@musicalrose: It sucks, but I don’t think you can expect her to plan around an event she isn’t invited to :/. Hopefully your Maid/Matron of Honor will either make it to both weddings or not attend Sandra’s wedding since she knew about yours first. I have a friend getting married two weeks before me and I’m nervous our mutual friends will skip my wedding since hers is local and mine is a destination wedding. Most of my friends have stated that if forced to choose they will attend mine since they knew about it first. (2 year engagement vs 1 year engagement, and my friend is invited to my wedding but I’m not sure if I’m invited to hers.) Hopefully your friends will do the same and attend yours over Sandra’s since they have known about your wedding longer. (I’m assuming you’ve spread the date by word of mouth to important guests.)
Also, your wedding is on a Wednesday. Are you sure all of your guests will be able to attend a midweek destination wedding regardless of your Sandra’s wedding?
Post # 8
@musicalrose: thats horrible on her part, lets hope friends still come to yours as they were invited first and not go to hers if they cant make both. She may give in to pressure to change her date if she can if a lot of people tell her they cant go.
Post # 9
Very crappy of her to do this but since your wedding is a destination wedding, keep in mind people may decline for the local one. Traveling is just very expensive and a midweek wedding means time off in addition to the expense. Some people just don’t think that far in advance and wait until last minute to save and plan. I hope your MoH declines for her and stays with you.
Post # 10
I am aware there will be those who decide to not attend a destination wedding. This can be for any number of reasons. Finances, time off, no desire…etc and this is their choice. I just am slightly irked that another reason for those making this decision (3 couples in total) is now going to be Sandra’s wedding. That’s all.
I don’t expect her to plan her life around a wedding she isn’t invited to. What I would like to expect is the courtesy I would extend to her, or any other bride to which I know their plans, and not plan my wedding back-to-back with theirs. Again, I know you can’t own a date but I can’t help feel like this is a slight aimed at me. And yes, I do want to confront her in a way. On the flipside I also just want to leave her and what I fear is her way of starting drama in my dust as I walk away.
I know Angela will be there, no matter what. She’s already promised and I know she wouldn’t break that for the world. As for the other two couples, both recieved a verbal invitation back in March and will be officially invited at the time the invitations go out. I will understand should they decide not to come, but both were excited for the idea when we spoke last. We’ll see…
Sorry Bees. I just needed somewhere to blow off some built up pressure. Thanks
Post # 11
@musicalrose: Wow! She sounds like a piece of work. You’re right, you don’t own a week/month/whatever for your wedding. However your Maid/Matron of Honor has every right to expect that as someone at Maid/Matron of Honor level status in a relationship she should have been consulted about dates that worked for her. You also have a right to be upset about that and the stress it causes you in turn. If I was your Maid/Matron of Honor I would be pretty mad.
I would just try to get my STD’s out soon, and keep in mind that if this girl has a history of short-lived relationships that things just may change in the year+ between now and then.
Post # 12
If it wasn’t Sandra’s wedding then it could be anyone (and any kind of event) that your guests know that could change their mind over attending a Destination Wedding. 1.5 years is a long time and many things change there will be weddings, babaies, deaths etc etc.
I know it sucks that some of your guests may not make it but even you have said that you are not friends with this person (Sandra) so why would she even give your wedding a second thought or plan around it?
Sorry but in my opinion every bride and groom gets to plan their wedding when it best suits them.