Post # 1
I am getting married soon and I’ve decided to change my name. Hyphenating just isn’t an option (you’d agree if I wrote both last names here) and this ( title) is what I was told when I confided in my sister about my decision to go ahead and change my last name. To her credit though, my fiance also feels the same way. At my office last week I came across more discussion of name changing. Many women are changing their name legally and after thinking about it a lot , I came to the conclusion that while it may prove to be a hassle I would definitely like to do it.
Both my fiance and I hold master’s and when I asked him what were his thoughts about it, he said , ultimately it’s your decision and while we have already decided on kids in mu opinion it would prove to be troublesome for you and it will be a hassle to go through it.
The thing is , I have used firstname maidenname for all of my career thus far . I have a few papers and abstracts published under my maiden name (not that they’re gonna change anything in my field substantially, but still I’m proud to have co-authored them).
Since, I have decided , my fiance came up with another idea that he thinks instead of changing my name I just keep using .myname at work (and legally) but going by Mrs./. HisLastName socially as he thinks it is the best compromise personally. Though I do like the sound of it, I just want us to have the same name.
Sometimes, I wonder why he is so adamant about me keeping my own name.
Anyways, I wonder how did you decide to change or not change your last name. And, if you did how long was the process of getting through it all?
Post # 2
There is no “right” way, but many of my colleagues have mentioned that things like credentialling in the future are much easier when your professional name matches your transcript and graduation certificate.
Although, more than half of them did change or at least hyphenate their names when they got married.
P.S your fiance sounds like quite a catch. LOL
Post # 3
Having just gone through with changing my last name yes it is a hassle. I was able to easily change my name on my certication and request my diploma put in my married name for a fee.
Post # 4
If you can swing it legally with your publisher, many would think there’s something nice about using your maiden name professionally and your “new name” (whatever that ends up being) socially. I know a few who did the same and I like the fact that thieir personal life is harder to infiltrate.
Post # 5
I shouldn’t have been surprised (but i was!) to see how many people not just with master’s, quite a few with phd’s and md’s change their last name after marriage. it’s obviously a very personal choice.
When my sister got married, what she said was she will not be keeping my maiden name when she gets married.
Call me traditional, but even I was surprised by that as she was perfectly happy to be Mr andMrs. Husbands name!
It was a shock to me because she always said I will never fall for that. But, I suppose love has done stranger things to others.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I changed my last name, I always knew that was what I’d do. I’m not particularly traditional, I’m just not emotionally attached to my maiden name. The only other member of my family with the same surname is my estranged father, and frankly I was happy to cut any connection to him.
Logistically it wasn’t too much of a hassle. It’s been six months now though, and I’m still trying to get used to it. When I have to give my name or sign something, it’s like an automatic response to give the name I’ve always had!
My job isn’t one where my name changing would cause any confusion or issues, luckily. If it was I’d probably have kept my maiden name unofficially for work.
It’s ultimately a personal decision, there’s no right or wrong answer really!
Post # 7
I didn’t change my last name. I dislike the feeling of possession/loss of identity implied by changing your name. That’s how it felt for me. My husband agreed and was actually opposed to me changing my name unless he changed his too (to a combination of our names, or a 3rd name). Furthermore, I’m a resident of a country different from that of my citizenship, so the paperwork burden would have been absurd!
I understand on some level the desire to show your love for your partner by changing your name to theirs, and respect that many want to do it. However, I think that it’s archaic and unnecessary, to be honest, and deserves further examination as the “standard thing to do”.
Basically none of my friends/acquaintances have changed their surname after they got married, so that was definitely the norm within my social circle.
Post # 8
i knew i wanted to change my name and i changed it. it was worth the minor hassle.
Post # 9
Personally I took my husband’s name but only because my maiden name is my stepfathers name. I didn’t see the point of objecting to having one man’s name and keeping one I got from another man that I had no link to.
But I would like to see it become more accepted for couples to take a whole new name, or for the man to take his wife’s. I would have liked to have found a name in our family histories and use that.
It’s really only the English speaking world where this is the custom. Several places, women are actually required to keep their maiden name (Greece I believe, and I seem to recall that France also used to have this policy)
Post # 10
daffodils : In Latin America, it’s not the tradition to change one’s last name. In fact, in my country, birth certificates and all other official documents must include the person’s mother’s and father’s last names.
Post # 11
daffodils : in Italy too, your name has to match your birth certificate, and you can’t legally change it unless very specific circumstances. Children usually take the father’s last name. You can choose to legally add your mother’s last name to yours, but not your spouse’s. I’ve lived in Latin America and it was the same there, with the difference people always have two last names. Women do not drop their name nor add their spouse’s name to theirs.
I didn’t know it was custom in the US before coming to this site. Adressing a woman as Mrs. Edward Gardiner would make me feel like I was in a Jane Austen’s novel lol.
Post # 12
I changed mine because I hated my maiden surname, so it was my decision because I simply wanted to change it. It took about two months to change over all my necessary documents.
Post # 13
I support a woman doing whatever she feels works best for her, whether changing her name, keeping it, having a spouse change the name, combining names or inventing something new.
When I got married I had a career, degrees, name recognition and a place of business and changed my name without anything I considered to be such an undue hassle. People all figured it out and adjusted.
My main reason was in wanting to share a name with my husband and future children rather than be the only one in the family with a different name or making up something entirely new. Bottom line, it’s practical. It works.
Though deriving from a sexist tradition isn’t ideal, at this point I see it mostly as an option and an arbitrary standard that preserves at least some connection to the past and possibly the future.
Post # 14
pinkglasses : claroquesi : interesting! On a similar note, I always liked the custom that a lot of Icelandic people follow with children – If “Peter” and “Jane” had children, the boys’ surname would be Petersson and the girls would be Janesdottir
Post # 15
mpelutere : the legal name and work name thing is super common, and because your name matters in your line of work I think that is probably the right way to go for you.
Good on you for taking the time and care to think it all through thoroughly. It’s very important that whatever decision you make is one that you will be content with for the rest of your life. It sounds like you’ve considered every consequence and every option and picked the one that works best for you.
Myself, I am not legally changing my name because A) the hassle and B) I like my name. However, we are choosing not to have children and that is a key variable. If we were going to have kids, I would prefer that we all share a family name so we would need to consider our options for one of is changing our name or hyphenating.
I do love his name too, and because his is a short name it’s easy to tack into my lengthier one. I think what I would like to do is keep my legal name but socially tack his on to the end of it. I’ve got 2.5 years to decide tho haha