(Closed) Why You Should Say The M-Word First

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@EffieTrinket: HAH! I could have written this article. Once I knew we were getting to be a real couple I pretty much gave him a list of things I expect, life choices, how I expect to be treated, etc etc.. #1 on that list was “I eventually want to get married and have 3-4 kids, if you can’t deal with that for some reason, this isn’t going to work.”

I know if I had brought that up on the first date, then yeah, that probably would have scared him off…Duh. But good news is we both agreed on everything and it ended up being a heart-to-heart, and our 2 year anniversary is coming up very soon! An engagement can’t be too far off 🙂

So, the answer would be YES, I agree with this article 😉

 

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

After A LOT (LOL) of dating experience, I wasn’t shy nor scared to let my SO know that my ultimate goal was marriage and children. I figured “if he’s on the same page, he will stay. If not, then I saved myself a lot of time and possible heartache”

Luckily, he was on the same page. He actually brought up marriage first by rubbing my ring finger and saying he had to fill that empty space.

The M word only scares off men who were never really into marriage to begin with, I think.

Also, consider how old you are. Would I scream “wedding” at 18 with my first crush? Of course not. But at 36 when I met Darling Husband, I was confident enough with myself and what I wanted that I knew the man for me would not run just because the M word was spoken.

Post # 5
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Same here. When by bf hinted at becoming serious, I told him he would have to answer questions like does he plan to finish school, did he want to get married, and does he want kids. He lit up when I asked him these things and said yes to them all! That’s how I knew he knew what he wanted. Those questions would scare a lot of men off, but they brought us closer together. Plus I can always bring up that conversation if he ever starts dragging his feet!

 
I so agree with this part at the end…

“Girls and ladies are conditioned to not speak up on behalf of our best interests, to let men take charge of the timing in relationships. That’s why we end up with so many disgruntled chicks who end up with enough experience to write bitter R&B and country tunes. If men are supposed to be so straight-from-the-hip, taking the mystery out of the hope for a white dress and walk down an aisle is helping him out by being direct, just like they like it.”

Post # 6
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally agree.  When Darling Husband and I met, we were both in grad school together, both came from happy families, etc.  Pretty early on (before we were officially dating), we talked about our goals for the future – I asked him if he envisioned himself having a similar life as his parents, with both parents married, working, and raising kids.  He said that’s what he always figured on.

Frankly, I think you can tell if a guy is the marrying type, not that you can’t even tame a wild guy, but it’s harder.  If he values his relationships with his own family, is sweet to kids and animals, etc. then it’s likely that he has those goals.

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think when your with the right person – you can talk openly about marriage, if you can’t, well your not on the same page at that point.

Men do take a lot longer to mature though.. women definately feel the need to get married earlier on then tackle the world together! While men feel they have to take on the world on their own first, then get their partners involved.

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

@spaneshal: I think when your with the right person – you can talk openly about marriage, if you can’t, well your not on the same page at that point.

ITA!

Post # 9
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We talked about it very early on before we were even really seriously together, I’m 29 now and he’s 38 so I guess at this stage of life we both know what we want and it was easier to just talk about it in the very beginning.  We knew we really liked each other at that point but we both wanted to find out for sure that we were on the same page or at least compromising points on things like marriage, religion, kids, work, education, and when we have kids how we want certain things to be handled.  It was just easiest to find that stuff out right away because we both knew we wanted a serious relationship but wanted to make sure we had these important issues in common.  Thankfully we did agree or were able to compromise on all of these things!  

@spaneshal:  I so agree…if it’s the right person you can talk openly about anything!  

Post # 10
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

@EffieTrinket: Totally agree with the article! Within the first few dates I definitely mentiond to SO that I wanted to be married with children someday. Why date someone for months or years without knowing if that’s what the other person even wants (with you). No reason to waste time…go after what will lead to happiness! I love the proactive approaches.

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m on the fence about this article…bf and I were best friends before we started dating, so we obviously had talked about what we wanted out of life (marriage, kids, etc.).  But once we started dating, I refused to bring up any of that.  I didn’t mention marriage, I didn’t mention love, and I never said “if we get married…”.  I let him do all that.  I think it was 6 or 7 months in, that he told me he could see himself marrying me, and he wanted a future with me.  After he said that, then I felt it was okay for me to talk to him about a timeline for our future, and whatnot. 

Of course, we’re young and fresh out of college.  If I was in my 30’s and still dating, my viewpoint would probably be a little different for obvious reasons. But I just feel that men know that women want marriage and kids (typically at least), so since men are more resistant to that kind of talk, they should be the ones to bring it up.  Chances are, when men are ready, the women are definitely ready to talk about it too.

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