(Closed) #WhyIStayed

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

mchitt329:  and Ryansgirl:  I’ve noticed some of that. But mostly I’ve seen people trying to get them to see that they are worth more. Not in a “You suck, why don’t you see your self-worth” but from a “I know you dont see it, but you are worth more and we are going to keep telling you until you believe it”

Post # 17
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ryansgirl:  Wow, thank you for doing this.

He convinced me no one else would ever want me and I didn’t want to be alone. #whyistayed

I thought that it was my fault, and that if I changed my behavior, he’d change, too. #whyistayed

I was afraid of looking like a failure, and I wanted to prove everyone wrong about him. #whyistayed

Post # 19
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee

leisha606:  that’s exactly how I felt!

 

This is going back a fair few years now but:

Every time we fought he made me believe I had done something wrong, not him. #whyistayed 

Post # 20
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ryansgirl:  Thanks, couldn’t be better now. 🙂 I hope the same for you. I almost didn’t comment on this thread because I feel like I subconsciously try to pretend that part of my life never happened, but I think it’s good to acknowledge it like this. Makes us realize how far we’ve come. 🙂

Post # 21
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

I was isolated many miles away from my family, friends, and anyone I knew.  He took my car, my choices, and my freedom #whyIstayed

Even with abusive members in my family, I never saw it coming until I was in deep #whyIstayed

Things even happened in public places and no one… NO ONE did a thing to help.  I will never let that happen if I see it.

Thanks girls, that was kind of empowering!

Post # 22
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

bbbria:  Wow. Exactly #whyistayed 

He tried to kill me a few times and I was too afraid to  leave #whyistayed

He told me I was worthless so many times, I started to believe him #whyistayed

 

Post # 23
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Ryansgirl:  thank you for sharing this post! 

My mom set me up on a date in college after my high school boyfriend and I broke up. After a sexual assault with that man, I tried to undo it by trying to have a relationship with him. It was obviously abusive and never took away the fact that he had assaulted me and it was not consensual. 

I thought if I could learn to love him, it wouldn’t be considered abuse #whyistayed

Next relationship was worst than that one but at that point I didn’t care and I felt invincible- like nobody could kill me because the girl I was before was already dead #whyistayed

 

I hate the fact that we are not a small percentage of woman that live through this. 

Post # 24
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I had a very abusive ex – emotionally, physically, and sexually. I had wanted to leave him from the start but didn’t know how. He was manipulative, he turned my family against me, he stole and got me in trouble with him, he was in the military and said I would be a horrible person to leave him, he was violent, had several weapons, threatened to blackmail me, and also threatened to kill himself if I were to leave him. He even got a tattoo of my name on his arm when he went away for training. When I was close to leaving him, I said I needed space. Instead of giving me space, he stalked me day and night. He would wait outside by my car until I got off of work or wait by the employee door so I would have to see him when I went to clock in and out. I was truly afraid of him and what he could do. He also sent me pictures of himself holding weapons to his head. #WhyIStayed

Thankfully I did get the courage to leave after 2.5 years of that nonsense, I can thank my now Fiance for giving me that strength and being there for me through it all. It’s easy to tell a person that they need to get out of a relationship, but sometimes it’s really easier said than done.

Post # 25
Hostess
2998 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have never been abused verbally or physically but I can easily see how it could happen and the visicous cycle that the victim gets trapped in.  It takes a lot of courage to talk about it and truly believe it helps so many women on here reading and realizing that they too are being abused and that they can get out too.

Post # 26
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I grew up being physically and emotionally abused. I was sexually abused as a child and raped at 19. 

When my ex subjected me to sexual and emotional abuse, it felt strangely familiar and I felt like all I deserved was to be treated terribly. He was the worldly older man of 32 who lived in the “big city” and I was a sheltered suburban girl at age 20. 

My husband has been wonderful about helping me get past some of the sexual aversions and anxieties which came from being in that awful relationship. 

Post # 27
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was really young (14-16) and luckily it wasn’t a physically abusive relationship, but it was a very very emotionally abusive one. He constantly told me I was useless, ugly, stupid, fat. He constantly put me down and made me feel like I was nothing. I stayed because after two years, I felt like I didn’t deserve ANYONE. Finally after his millionth threat that he would break up with me if I didn’t do what he said, I called it off. He then spread terrible rumors about me around school, and used his new girlfriend to bully me. 

I am a much stronger person now. I have an amazing support group of friends and family and my fiance is the best. We knew each other in high school, and he didn’t let the rumors stop him from pursuing me. I have never been happier. I urge anyone in the same situation to get out. It may seem impossible and scary, but life on the other side is so much more pleasant. Getting away from the abuse will be the best thing you will ever do. 

Post # 28
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t have anything to contribute to this because thank God I have never been in this position. I guess I am posting to say I never realised how large of a percentage of people go through this kind of abuse, my family wasn’t abusive and my dh was my first serious bf and he is a gentle soul… I want to applaud you on the courage to leave and stay gone… I cannot imagine how hard it is to do…

Post # 29
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Because I have no place to go #WhyIStayed

Because I thought it was all wy fault #WhyIStayed

 

Post # 30
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Thankfully I have never been physically abused but I have been in a few controlling and emotionally abusive relationships and it took a long time for me to see the pattern and break it.  For me, I had a lot of really stressful/emotional things happen to me in a short period of time.  It led me to a place where I didnt’ value myself as an individual, I felt like I had to be attached to another person to be worth anything so I went through a pattern of dating men who treated me really really poorly.  I’ve finally broken out of that pattern and have been with Darling Husband for 10 years now (married 3.5 months) and he’s wonderful and kind and I am thankful every day that I found a man who treats me like a princess and loves me unconditionally and would never, ever hurt me.

I thought what he said was true, I must be stupid and weak, I thought he loved me and I was afraid to be alone #WhyIStayed

 

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