(Closed) #WhyIStayed

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

I was pregnant with his child#WhyIstayed

I was pregnant with his child #WhyIleft

Post # 32
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

jessicamullersdayoff:  I went through the same thing! When I was 17/18 I dated a guy who would put me down, insult the way I looked and dressed etc. He would constantly flirt with other girls in front of my face because they were more “his type” (blonde…he reallly liked blondes for some reason).

We would go to parties together where there would be all kinds of debauchery…and beforehand, he would demand intimacy. If I didn’t feel like doing that, he would say stuff like “Aren’t you worried I might just find someone at the party to satisfy me if you don’t do it first? I can’t promise I’ll behave if you don’t ____”.

When I was sick and couldn’t see him, or travelling for a few days (for my college orientation, for example), he would cheat on me almost immediately. He would blame it on me for not being available, basically. Ironically, he demanded full access to my phone and all of my passwords for e-mail, social media, etc. Of course, I was NEVER allowed to be anywhere NEAR his phone.

I got away from him when I went to college. He cheated on me within the first week, of course, so I broke things off. He harrassed me by phone, e-mail, etc. and when I came home to visit, he stalked me when I went to get my hair done. He followed me to my house, where a verbal argument broke out. He wrenched my phone out of my hands, found out that I had hooked up with a classmate…called the classmate and told him I had an STD, that I was underage (?!), all kinds of vile things. He left in a rage, and continued to harrass me while I was at college until he finally found another girlfriend/victim.

Young love, eh?

Post # 33
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

He destroyed my self confidence to the point where I didn’t feel like I deserved anything better.

I thought I could become a perfect person and he would change.

#WhyIStayed

Post # 34
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My ex never actually hit me, so I didn’t think it was abuse. But he threw things at me, punched holes in the walls, and emotionally manipulated me. He even tried to sexually assault me once, but didn’t go through with it and played it off as a misunderstanding. We were married by that point, so it was hard to explain to myself and to anyone else. It was only after leaving that I was able to look back and see the situation for what it really was.

Post # 35
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

CaliKhaleesi:  God, some relationships are so toxic. I feel like since we were so young that we just fell into this trap of ‘we deserve it’. The first year of our relationship was fine but after that it was so so bad. The relationship should have ended after the first year when he stopped bathing regularly and gained about 75 pounds (his parents divorced and he took it the worst way possible). I say SHOULD have ended after a year, but it took three years for me to feel fed-up enough to get out. I kick myself for staying for so long, but as all of you ladies know, we all stayed in these bad relationships for various reasons. I’m so lucky to have gotten together with my current Fiance (who I knew in school and actually hated because he was a jerk… haha funny how things work out!) and now we are starting our lives together!

I think about where I would have been had I stayed in that toxic relationship, and honestly it wouldn’t have been good.

Post # 36
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Saw this earlier:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/hillary-humphreys/2014/09/what-its-like-being-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/

He said he *only* hit me that one time because he drank too much 

He said no one else wanted me, because I was a whore

He said I needed to better understand his depression, anxiety, and PTSD, and not provoke outbursts

He only threw his dinner at me because he had a bad day

Because being engaged for the second time means that I have to *make it work* to avoid my family’s judgement. 

Because if I loved him *for real*, I wouldn’t even think of leaving.

#whyIstayed

Post # 37
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Because I didn’t want to tell people why I broke up with him after a week #whyistayed

because I thought it was normal to be pressured into sex at 15 #whyistayed

Because I was lonely #whyistayed

because his family became like a second family #whyistayed

mostly because I was too embarrassed to leave and be asked why #whyistayed

Post # 38
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

Thank you to all who are sharing your stories.  You are so brave.  And, thank you to all of those who are coming in just to lend your support.  Five years ago, I left my verbally/emotionally abusive ex.  We were together for 7 years.  I believed all these things.  It seems like a lifetime ago sometimes.  Other times, I can still hear those mean things echoing in my head.

#WhyIStayed: I had learned that that is just how men talked to women.  I didn’t deserve anything good.  I was too fat, ugly, and stupid to get anyone else.  Saying mean things to each other was a normal part in every relationship.  I believed that because he worked hard and didn’t cheat on me, that was good enough.  He was great at being a victim and convinced me that life had treated him cruley.  Because true love was a myth and even if it did exist, it wasn’t for fat/ugly girls like me.

Post # 39
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Because I didn’t recognize emotional and psychological abuse as being “abuse” #WhyIStayed

Because I thought that if I just hung in there that he would love me like I loved him #WhyIStayed

*sigh* It was only five years ago but it seems a completely different life.

Post # 40
Member
10976 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I was badly abused by my parents, so it felt familiar.  I bought into the idea that I “provoked” him.  I was waiting for the Nice Guy I dated to come back.

I found myself taking a stress management class & it started to become clear what was really going on when I heard myself reading from my stress journal & saw my classmates’ reactions.

Post # 41
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

Ryansgirl:  Because, in my mind, I minimized and justified the severity of what was actually happening. #whyistayed

Because I didn’t want to “start over” and waste all of the years of my life that I’d invested. #whyistayed

Post # 42
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Because I always thought he could do back to how he was at the start of the relationship (both fine and happy together)

because he never had a problem with drinking before he met me, so it mustve been my fault.

because the next morning,always after a vile beating, he could “never remember”.

 

#whyistayed

because it became the norm is #whyileft

 

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