- 2 years ago
Ok so long story short a friend of mine that I’ve known for years kind of bounces back and forth between Georgia and NYC (where I live). I met her when I used to wait tables back in 2013 or so. I don’t have a lot of close friends so she is my maid of honor for my wedding.
Her family lives in GA. She is 27 & kind of transient. She picks up table waiting jobs here and there, gets apartments, moves, keeps her stuff in storage units- she has a lot of friends so she gets by. I guess her (totally nice sounding) family annoys her even though they love her and always open their home to her so she tries to spend as much time up here as she can.
Most recently when she was in GA, she started calling me drunk in the mornings. Keep in mind this girl has had an extremely difficult past which I totally understand. Her life is not easy so she has reason to be depressed from time to time. Anyway.
Shes sort of staying with me indefinitely for the past month so far. I’m really bad at saying “no” and I do get lonely alone in my apt so whatever she came to visit and now she has 2 jobs as of this week. She always works in restaurants.
For the past month, she drinks almost every night/day. She smokes pot all day even in the mornings (I hate the smell). I used to be a lot more “fun” and do these things with her but honestly I’ve been much healthier and happier in recent years so that’s not me anymore.
When she drinks she is even more inconsiderate than normal. Mother’s Day was a mess (we drove to my parents on LI). She was super disrespectful & sloppy not to mention all she does is curse.
My parents didn’t even notice, however, because (guess what!) they are messy alcoholics too. I felt like I was babysitting 3 giant not cute children except worse because my parents trigger tons of issues from my past.
I had the last “you have a drinking problem” convo I’d like to ever have with her on the car ride home. Stupid to do when she was drunk but I was so upset and tired and angry I just needed to get it out. Don’t ever have a serious conversation with a drunk person. Tons of babbling mixed in with legitimate sad stories and none of it gets remembered. She smoked pot at 9am the next morning.
Did I mention she slurs her words when she drinks? The constant cursing? The rationalizing? Using all of my belongings?
This sounds mean, but I HATE dealing with alcoholics. I’ve been jerked around during the “you have a problem” conversation with both my parents, multiple men I’ve dated, my college roommate, my brother every other week when he calls me at 3am, and now my Maid/Matron of Honor. Fix it or don’t. Sorry, I’m so completely emotionally spent. I go through hell every day dealing with my withdrawing from anxiety medication- I’ve been for almost a year. But I do it because I want to be a better person My whole life was ruined by alcoholism. I have no sympathy left.
I just got home from work which was not fun today as I woke up with a migraine (I get them chronically) that lasted all day. These are the texts I get just now at 6:45pm. “By the way I’m drunk *random pointless details*
I want to tell her that I don’t want to interact with her when she’s drunk and that I’d like her to find her own place. She has nowhere to go as she just started her jobs & she is my maid of honor/good friend. When she is sober she is SO dramatically different. Her eyes are young and bright and she acts like herself. I’m going to be passive aggressive if I don’t work this out but I’m also tired headaches and at a loss for words.
I’m way better at telling other people they need to have confrontations than having confrontations myself lol.
Shes on her way back here now: