- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
Hello everyone. I’m not sure exactly where to post this, but I thought I’d share my story. I used to post here back in summer and fall of 2011 (a few posts here and there; I mainly just loved all the inspiration from you!), and then I had just disappeared. The reason I had disappeared was due to my fiance suddenly passing away on September 28th, 2011. We were getting ready to go out for dinner, and have a nice night out without the stresses of wedding planning. I had knocked on the door to the bathroom while he was in the shower; he had been in there too long. No answer. Luckily we never locked the bathroom door, and when I saw him, I called an ambulance immediately. He had suffered a massive heart attack, his heart had stopped and they had brought him back, but he lived the last 5 days of his life in a coma. He was 26 when he passed away.
Do not ever let anyone tell you that when someone is in a coma they can not hear you. I held his hand nearly the entire time he was in there, and every time I told him I loved him, his pointer finger would very lightly twitch, as if he were trying to rub my fingers (he used to do that to me all the time).
After he had passed away, I had a very rough year. I felt like no one could ever possibly understand how it felt to lose their other half so young. I became more spiritual, I became angry, and I fell into the deepest depression I will probably ever experience in all of my life. I cursed life, I cursed the universe, I cursed the hospital he was taken to, I cursed myself. I started seeing a therapist who specialized in young widows counseling almost immediately following his death. She helped me a lot, but the overwhelming feeling of loneliness didn’t get any better.
Trevor and I had planned on touring the UK (mostly Scotland) for our honeymoon. I always had an obsession with Scotland; the castles, the beauty, the history. I always felt it was a place I NEEDED to visit. I decided that I would take this trip that should have been my honeymoon in honor of Trevor. I grabbed a friend and we planned it so that we would be there for the 1 year mark of the day Trevor passed away.
While in Scotland, I decided to join OkCupid (don’t judge me!) just to meet some people in the areas I was going to be traveling through. I wasn’t using the site the way it’s intended to be used. But on September 28th, 2012 (yes, exactly 1 year of Trevor’s death), I got an interesting message from a man named Chris. He explained in it that he had lost his wife and was also looking for pen pals and companions who understand, but was having no luck. Dating sites aren’t the typical places to look for companionship, and any widow websites are typically full of a much older crowd. We made plans to meet up the next day in Glasgow.
From the instant I met Chris, there was a connection. He really understood me, and me him. We were sharing our hopes and dreams, our fears, our past stories, happy memories of our significant others, only within a few hours of meeting. It was very refreshing. I never in a million years thought I would ever meet someone who didn’t feel weird or awkward about me sharing stories about Trevor and our relationship. The more we found out about each other, the more we had in common. Even stranger, the more we spoke about our pasts, the more we realized that all FOUR of us had a whole ton of stuff in common. It’s a strange thing to think about; but once you have experienced it (and I really hope none of you have to until you are very old with great grandchildren) your whole perspective on life changes.
Chris and I were inseparable for the 4 days I was in Glasgow. Then I had to be off to my other destinations, and eventually back home to NY. We were constantly on Skype, and he came over to visit for a month (had his first Thanksgiving dinner, and first time ever in NYC – so much fun!). It’s hard to be so far away from him, but he will be coming back in time for Valentine’s Day, and is staying for 3 months this time. And I will be flying over there for 3 months during the summer. We are already talking about our future, and I am happy once again. One thing we firmly believe after everything we individually had gone through is that you really don’t ever know what tomorrow will bring, and if you have something you KNOW is special, you never let go of it.
I apologize for this post being very long, and I apologize if I categorize it wrong in the forums. I just hope that if there’s anyone else out there that needs a story of hope, that maybe I have helped them in some way. Maybe I can convince someone to keep going, to stay strong, because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And it usually comes to you when you least expect it.